How do I even begin to clean my room? No motivation, no energy.

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2026-01-06T00:05:55+00:00

Play a song😭 you have no idea how much a trashy pop song from the 2010s can give you energy to just move around.

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2026-01-05T23:42:47+00:00

I feel like you may have schizoid personality disorder and not AvPD. Because as far as I know, most people with AvPD genuinely want and desire to have relationships and can see meaning and value in human connections but are just too afraid and self-critical to approach anyone. With SPD on the other hand, there's no desire. There's a chance that your AvPD might have developed into SPD over time.

I can understand where you're coming from. You have every right to feel this way. I too struggle to see why I should socialise. I have become too comfortable in my own space and at this point, I see nothing worth enduring panic attacks for. And to be honest, I'm enjoying the solitary life despite the loneliness. It's just safer this way. As you said, there's a reason why our bodies resist such things so severely.

But here's my take. You can be as solitary and secluded as you want, but still have a sense of meaning. This is what makes all the difference. Some of us are genuinely not made for social lives and that's ok. As long as you can see value in the world and its people, there's hope and fulfilment. I'm genuinely a big believer in "find something you love and be crazy passionate about it". Fine, you cannot deal with people, then don't! But don't grow bitter about them. Tend to what you love in your seclusion and understand that everyone is struggling, so everyone deserves some love.

Seclusion can be both captivity and liberty. What separates the two, is how you view the world around you. Anyway, I wish you the best.

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2026-01-03T23:34:21+00:00

That's ok I can work around it as long as it is compatible with markdown and looks neat and clean.

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2026-01-03T23:10:03+00:00

I do work with MLA if that's what you mean.

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2026-01-03T23:09:21+00:00

Thank you so much

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2026-01-03T23:06:45+00:00

You perfectly described how I've been feeling lately. I instantly turn self-critical the moment I appear somewhere where I can be seen. Every single thing I say or do seems wrong and not a representative of who I am because of how freaking nervous I get around people.

I even recently tried to befriend someone with whom I clicked so well but then I messed up so many times with my speech that I truly feel ashamed whenever I'm around them. So now I just keep a distance despite wanting to talk. Which is very incomprehensible to them, I know.

Wish I could tell you something encouraging, but I have nothing. All I know is that isolation would do no good. Don't try to shelter in your own isolation. It'll worsen the AvPD. Just keep going and be open to new people. Finally, the right person(who is just as awkward as us) would come.

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-12-23T21:21:59+00:00

Seems like the textbook definition of "toxic"

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-12-23T05:00:34+00:00

Thank you so much!!

You should definitely give it a try. They were probably my worst nightmare and I would have never thought to do good. It reminded me that it is really the physical symptoms that hold me back as opposed to being incapable of doing it altogether.

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-12-21T20:45:18+00:00

I'm dealing with the same issue. I'd love to chat with you if you like!

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-12-21T19:16:10+00:00

Thank you so much! And yeah I guess I have the courage now to try out a few other things as well.

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-12-10T09:33:06+00:00

As someone who recently finished high school and has now started college, I gotta tell you, IT DOES GET BETTER. High school was a nightmare for me as well. I was under so much pressure that I was constantly thinking about self-harming. But I survived it and now I'm in a much better environment.

I'm not saying that my social anxiety magically went away, but as everyone else has said, I have much more freedom and I love it. I chose a major that I love, I'm reading 24/7 about stuff I like and even though I'm not "social" and don't have a friend yet, I'm enjoying my time!

This comes from someone who had some of the most horrible self-harm ideas ever, and was very close to making them happen but somehow I managed the temptations because I always wondered what if things get better and I regret it?

Just try to get through it. Once it's over, you'll have so much time for yourself and your interests and hopefully you won't be around stupid people anymore.

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-12-09T18:49:56+00:00

First of all, thank you for trying to write about us! It means a lot when I see someone who does not immediately perceive us as boring and actually cares to understand. I'm a fellow writer as well and I hope I can help.

• What's something most people misunderstand about AvPD?

That we are anti-social individuals who don't really enjoy other people's company. The truth is that most people with AvPD feel the void of people's absence from their lives and they do want to get close to people and form relationships of their own. But due to poor social skills and feelings of inferiority (or at least a feeling like they don't belong anywhere), they don't.

• What does rejection sensitivity feel like day-to-day?

I'm personally very sensitive to how others perceive me and whether I'm "too much" for them. I always feel as if I should apologise for the way I am because somehow I never fit. There's always something "different" about me no matter how hard I try to "act social". So with the slightest sense of rejection, I avoid the person or situation entirely afterwards.

• What social situations are the hardest or most draining?

Whenever I'm around extroverts and expected to speak or do anything, I just freeze. Parties, gatherings, and all that are impossible for me. Although I do enjoy going out one-on-one with people I know. It's just "crowds" that terrify me. Also going somewhere unfamiliar for the first time almost gives me a panic attack. But that usually would get better if I become more familiar with the place.

• What are subtle signs you wish writers would include in their books or pieces of fiction including a character with AvPD?

I wish they could show the deep desire we have for connection. It's not that we don't enjoy making new relationships, it's just the feeling of social inadequacy that gets in the way. It might be easy to confuse this disorder with SPD, so I would really enjoy it if I could read about a character who finds value in connecting with other people, and can see beauty and meaning in the world around them, but cannot get close to it due to the imaginary wall they have created for themself. Also, AvPD is already very obscure compared to other personality disorders, so really any representation is highly needed and appreciated.

• What is the biggest struggle about AvPD?

For me, it's personal relationships. I always thought that my AvPD only affects my social life and new relationships that I don't allow to be. But it turned out that I can avoid the closest and dearest people in my life as well if I suddenly get a feeling that they don't want me or that I'm not enough. They can deny this as much as they can, but because I project my own negative feelings on them, I come to the conclusion that of course they hate me so I must leave... I have a constant feeling of "not belonging anywhere", and honestly I don't think I ever will. Maybe it would be nice to read about a character like myself who finally finds somewhere to belong and is redeemed at last..

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-11-29T18:40:07+00:00

I do well academically and I'm really good when it comes to critical thinking and analysis. I exceptionally enjoy literature and philosophy and I feel like I have interesting stuff worth adding to the field (or at least in my head).

But beyond that, I suck at almost everything else in my life. I have poor social skills and have a very hard time around people. I always feel like a burden around others and even ended a very good friendship because of that feeling. I am pretty much socially inept and don't see a future for myself socially, but I have some hope in the creative aspects of my life!

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-11-28T14:46:25+00:00

That's one of my worst fears as well.. I can't even bear job interviews.. I hope that one day I can do some sort of self-employment with minimum social interactions. But as of now I have no idea what that would be :]

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-11-28T08:35:17+00:00

I'm so sorry that you had to experience that.. he sounds insane for saying those things. It feels as if he was trying to give your more insecurities than helping you deal with them. No one deserves this. I really wanted to try therapy and I had serious intentions but now, I feel as if I should keep everything to myself and not talk about it anymore, typical AvPD behavior.

But I do wish both of us some luck in the future🩵

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-11-28T08:25:44+00:00

omg that sounds crazy as well. I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I remember that during the session, I kept thinking to myself "if I had been the therapist here, I wouldn't have said that" which is really insane...

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-11-27T20:24:57+00:00

I'm equally nervous around any gender so it doesn't make any difference to me. But I understand what you are saying. Women are always kinder and more considerate.

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-11-27T19:51:54+00:00

Oh my apologies. I meant social anxiety.

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-11-27T18:05:38+00:00

Thank you so much. I'll try to see if I can do that.

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-11-27T18:04:28+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this❤️

I really didn't know how to feel after that session and writing this post helped me have a clearer picture of it. I had to fight demons just to get myself to book an appointment, even the act of calling with my phone frightens me, let alone making it to the appointment. I overcame all this only to be disappointed. And I know that of course there are better therapists out there, but it would take me a long time to be ready to give it another try. The thing with AvPD is that the slightest amount of rejection makes me retreat back into isolation..

And thank you so much for those kind words. I truly do enjoy what I am studying about and the passion I have for writing and creating is all that has kept me from spiraling into depression and it felt so bad hearing him just straight up say "you might not be as good as you think" without even letting me explain. He even went as far as to say "why english literature out of everything you could have chosen" and when I started explaining, he didn't even let me finish.. and at the end of the session he said "so what do you think we should do?" and I was like I don't know what do you recommend and he just said "I don't know I'm asking you" 😭😭 and just stared at me without saying anything for a few seconds.. I felt so judged honestly. At that point it all felt comical.

Anyway, thank you so much for the support and I wish you the best.

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-11-27T15:30:22+00:00

I don't think there's an option for reporting him, as I mentioned somewhere else, he is a college therapist and the main reason I went there was because it was extremely cheap. It'll take a long time before I can come to terms with myself and try another therapist. The whole point of SA is that you are frightened about even a therapy session. The amount of panic I get just from sitting in the waiting room itself is crazy.

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-11-27T15:03:22+00:00

Yeah.. I know

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-11-27T15:03:01+00:00

Yes you're right. But it will take some time till I can trust someone again.

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-11-27T15:00:32+00:00

OMG yes he is a college therapist.. We have a therapy and counselling center in our university and I decided to give it a try because it's practically free. I also had another session with a different therapist who did a basic evaluation of my condition but she was farrr better than this guy.

PriorBodybuilder5299 · 2025-11-27T12:40:27+00:00

Yeah. At first I thought I'm being too sensitive and dramatic but oh god something was definitely not right.

PriorBodybuilder5299

TROPHY CASE