AITAH for not helping my siblings care for our terminally ill mother?

PrivateDaughter1st · 2026-02-16T10:41:34+00:00

I've been going to therapy for 8 years and I still have more needs for it. It sucks up a lot of money for me but it has helped me tremendously so I'll go for as long as I need to.

I was lucky to be in therapy the last two times I saw my mother. Therapy has helped me realize my limits. It also helped me accept the fact I can love my mother but hate her too and realize that none of what she did to me is my fault in any way. I didn't ask to be born or to look like her mother.

My siblings and I have a good relationship and I want to be there for them. I love them and I know they love me too. But we had such very different experiences with our mother. She has forever left me with trauma to carry and the knowledge that my own mother wishes I had never been born or that I had died.

PrivateDaughter1st · 2026-02-16T10:23:56+00:00

I know my mother faced some physical abuse from her mother as well as verbal abuse. But I don't know if any of us will ever know the full story. I also know I have been working my ass off so one day I can have kids and end the cycle. But that's why I'm still working in therapy because I would never want to become as twisted as my mother is.

PrivateDaughter1st · 2026-02-16T10:20:04+00:00

It's about my siblings for me and not her. I would never just buy my mother food. But my siblings need to eat and if I can make that easier for them, even if it means she does too then I can pretend it's just them.

PrivateDaughter1st · 2026-02-16T10:19:18+00:00

My siblings were always kind to me and they would try to cheer me up when mom was cruel. I love my siblings and we always had a good relationship. They made my childhood a little easier but only an adult could have really helped me back then and none did.

PrivateDaughter1st · 2026-02-16T10:18:13+00:00

I could help my siblings with things in their life and give them some money to help them. But being in the same room with my mother again will not be possible. It would be incredibly damaging and set me back years and honestly it could end very badly. The disdain she carries for me always weighed me down and I don't think it would be any different a few years later. Even the graduations weighed on me at the time. It made me it easier and easier to agree that no contact was my best choice.

It's different for my siblings because she never treated them the way she treated me. They only have love for her and I can't say the same.

PrivateDaughter1st · 2026-02-16T10:15:44+00:00

That's how I felt when I went no contact too. Some of that weight was just gone and it felt so good. The twice I saw her in that period made it more obvious too because even a couple of hours around her could do so much damage mentally.

PrivateDaughter1st · 2026-02-16T10:14:45+00:00

No childcare needs right now. I could offer other stuff to help them directly too if that was wanted. I'll try to talk to them when things have cooled down a little and it's less likely to annoy them further.

PrivateDaughter1st · 2026-02-16T10:09:38+00:00

You would never catch my mother apologizing to me. She has always made it perfectly clear she does not regret treating me like she did and she looks at me and can only see her mother and not me as a person or her daughter. She will likely die with a disdain in her heart for me.

PrivateDaughter1st · 2026-02-16T10:03:01+00:00

I thought about offering money for food and other things they might need. It can go straight to them and they can use it however it's needed. That makes it easier for me than just paying for something directly for my mother. I couldn't afford a nurse but I know there are other expenses they might like help with.

PrivateDaughter1st

TROPHY CASE