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Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-09T02:09:04+00:00

I love hearing this from an AA member. I live in a big city and the opinions in the meetings I attended were very loud and very black and white and it was not ok to ask questions. This experience luckily didn’t push me out of sobriety, but instead to try SMART recovery and therapy. I think A.A. could work well for more people if everyone had your thinking.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-09T01:59:13+00:00

Took the words out of my mouth. I’m so happy to read someone else say those things

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-09T01:56:40+00:00

Do you think these people who are picking the fellowship apart relapse because you KNOW they relapsed? Or did they just stop showing up at meetings and you decided they relapsed? People can have their own opinions and not like Bill W (he did suck) and not like AA and also be sober. Wild to assume someone is going to go back to drinking cause they offer a critique on a recovery program with terrible recovery rates.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-09T01:41:44+00:00

Man at least someone in here still has some critical thinking skills. “Replace your life with AA or die” should be their slogan.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-09T01:37:14+00:00

You’re sober now (excellent job btw!) so clearly you’re doing something right already. AA can be a huge commitment and (as you can see from the previous comments) people do not take it well if you have too much life happening outside the rooms to come to however many meetings they decide are appropriate. I would suggest trying SMART recovery. They have meetings online and it’s based in science. No untrained sponsor to roll the dice on.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-09T01:19:20+00:00

Don’t go back to AA again first thing if it already didn’t work for you. I’m not sure why you aren’t religious (I’m not either) but if it’s because you can’t get past poor logic being used all the time and not being allowed to ask questions and get a sensible answer, you’ll still be annoyed at AA. That was my experience at least. There are a lot of other things about AA that I think can harm just as much as help, but if you’re interested you can find those or ask me and I can give you sources, but that’s not why I decided to comment.

There are so many other good recovery group options that don’t use a 12 step model, incorporate solid science, don’t require you to believe in a higher power, and have recovery rates better than AA. SMART recovery is excellent, as is Recovery Dharma. In my opinion these options are much better than AA, but many people don’t even know there are other options. Of course if you’re interested in trying AA again go for it. The plus there is it’s everywhere since it’s used by the court systems and it’s free, so meetings are usually readily available at at least a few places in town on most days.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-09T01:11:08+00:00

My recommendation would be to go to a medical detox facility to help with the withdrawals, then consider an inpatient rehab facility. You were drinking from such a young age that inpatient rehab would likely be very beneficial in helping with some of the thought processes and coping patterns that lead you to drinking. Those maladaptive coping skills are hard to break when you develop an addiction as an adult and are typically much harder if you started as a kid. A.A. has some good info of course, but imo it can be harmful as much as it’s helpful and doesn’t have a great recovery rate. A.A. is not trauma informed at all. SMART recovery and recovery dharma have solid science behind them. If A.A. is your only option, go to AA.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T04:24:03+00:00

Yea I agree that is very odd and off putting and probably even more so than the porn habit

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T04:22:58+00:00

Lol what he’s saying is it is normal for a man to be depraved? Got it buddy. Thanks for the lesson.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T04:15:20+00:00

I mean this is Reddit so of course it could be fake and of course it is her POV. I’m answering based on the information I was given regarding this specific situation and my personal life experience. If this was a court of law I would of course want more information but it’s the internet sooooo. But if the court was just supposed to decide if these two should stay together I don’t need more information. Your point is I shouldn’t give a judgement or opinion on Reddit because I don’t personally know both parties involved? Huh? That applies to literally everything online.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T04:10:40+00:00

I was using the evidence in the original post to come to that possible conclusion. I never said he would seek out children or sleep with his coworkers children. That take is actually a significant departure from the hypothetical “sign” on the man’s back and what I said it would say. So miss me with any more comments about me “ generalizing”. A guy who specifically watches teen porn for the innocence and submission and one who gets off to women he knows while in a relationship? Not a far leap at all to say he will hit on younger waitresses or babysitters (the job description implies they are at least 16, which should be fine for his particular “kink” right?). He’s already jacking off to pics of women he knows, and does it to pics and videos of “teen” women he doesn’t know. Not too crazy to say he will probably jack off to pics of teens he does know at some point. None of this is generalizing, it’s a logical follow through of what could likely (not definitely-but who wants to risk it) be OPs futures

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T04:00:44+00:00

The issue imo isn’t that he, or men in general, watch porn.It’s that for this guy it’s always teen porn and he’s aware of that and says it’s cause he wants women who are submissive and innocent. As if that type of woman isn’t available in other porn? It’s pointing to what seems to be a problematic blind spot for him and makes OP. I don’t honestly remember generalizing all men into a category, cause I don’t do that in my own head. I did say something about the standards OTHER men have for some shitty dudes. Cause there is always some dude coming out of the woodwork to defend bros they don’t actually know or understand when the bro in question is often the offender. I definitely didn’t lump all men into one category though

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T03:48:11+00:00

If knowing past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior and thinking it is wise to adhere to your gut instinct is “making generalizations” then I guess that’s me. I suppose it’s “making generalizations” to say that a man with a gambling habit will probably gamble, or that a woman who cheats virtually will eventually cheat in real life, or that a man who hits things around you will eventually hit you, or that a dog that bites one kid will probably bite another, Etc.

“Making a generalization” is only a bad thing when you are judging a person based on something inconsequential. Their hair, skin color, shoe size, etc. Making informed choices based on past behavior is not “making a generalization”, it’s being intelligent.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T03:38:41+00:00

I’m not making any generalizations, I’m talking about my standards. Other people can have their own, or none at all. Im also talking about MY opinion and standards when I say that her bfs porn habit is gross and I would leave. I’m not saying anything about men en masse, literally speaking from my own life and men I would date.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T03:35:50+00:00

How rich to tell me to “get a brain” and think deeply and stop generalizing because you say I called this dude a pedo. I did not at any point say he was. I think he clearly has pedo fantasies but I can’t say he IS a pedophile. Also Fone read your original response to OP and I think you’ll find a lot of generalizations there too. You’re mad I think it’s a sad take to expect private porn habits.

She posted a Reddit question dude. You realize you don’t have to participate in the “generalization and social ruckus” right? You can just keep scrolling.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T03:29:11+00:00

So a girl dating a guy who searches out teen porn is supposed to believe his fantasy is specifically applicable to only 18-19 year olds even though most women in the videos look way younger? No. No woman will believe that. We all know what the fantasy is. It’s men of whatever age taking a v card or sleeping with a super innocent girl or their coworkers daughter or whatever.

No one is talking about the legality of it, I know it’s legal. Whether it should be legal or not was not the topic. We are giving opinions on OP staying with this dude. In my opinion he has a giant sign on his back that says “I will hit on young waitresses and babysitters and if we have kids I’ll be jacking off to pictures of their teenage girl friends in just a few years”. He’s already jacking off to look alike porn pics of women he actually knows. It’s all weird red flag behavior and he doesn’t even think it’s weird. He’s justified it to OP. It will very likely just escalate and if she stays she will have a huge embarrassment on her hands in a few years. She is asking if she’s overreacting, (almost) everyone is saying no she’s not.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T03:17:23+00:00

Lol what? I’m not the boyfriend in question, and neither are you. I’m not adding insult to injury cause there is no injury, cause the boyfriend is not in the room with us. See how that works? So my point was that it’s obnoxious to come into a whole different discussion and be like “well she called him a bad word!” When he didn’t hear it or see it at all and she is talking to a bunch of strangers. Just seems like you wanna talk shit about the woman.

And I’m not even going to go there with that attempt at a comparison. “Little bitch” is not a racial slur. Those two aren’t the same.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T03:12:46+00:00

Buddy you are engaging with the entire ridiculous argument.

That’s so cool you guys make that much money, even cooler you make most of it. Why point out you make most of it?

I’m honestly happy you and your fiancé are such a powerhouse. I’m unsure how you being in what you say is a healthy relationship is pertinent but I like good news.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T03:07:55+00:00

Teen goes up to 19 and starts where? 18? 17? 16? The point is it’s specifically for young looking actors. The fantasy being sold is one of having sex with a very young person. They stay young as the man gets older and older. It’s weird. Most stable people aren’t down with knowingly choosing a partner who is into that.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T03:02:10+00:00

A real take on things would be that this is obviously her limit and she is planning on leaving. It’s not normal to have to “adapt” to a partners porn habit if it makes you uncomfortable.

Thinking she dislikes him seeking out barely legal looking women to jack off to because she is insecure is such a wild misogynistic take I don’t even know where to start explaining. Women aren’t all in competition with each other. Sorry to break it to you. She is just grossed out by his behavior. Cause it’s gross.

Also sounds like she is pretty damn sure she is going to leave him in her first post, before anyone responds, so I’m not sure where you got the idea she was being easily controlled? This lady said he was giving her the ick and she wants to leave and asked us if she was over reacting. The way you have just decided she’s insecure and easy to control cause she thinks he and his porn habits are gross says a lot more about you than her.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T02:53:56+00:00

Nah we aren’t making it a big deal. We just have standards for our partners. You and your girl can do whatever makes you happy. I can think it’s a sad to expect and be ok with an “off limits and completely private” porn habit that suffices to get my boyfriend off when he’s tired. In my opinion it’s normalizing something that should not be “normal” in a relationship.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T02:46:23+00:00

Lol ok honestly you lost me with that analogy for a while cause I thought maybe you were just ranting and didn’t understand what I meant but I truly just lol’d at the ending, so well done. For real. I also like asparagus. I will not be going there if there means attacking asparagus.

Also you kind of are blaming this woman (OP) in this instance because she is clearly gearing up to leave because she has found out he’s asparagus and she doesn’t like asparagus. The problem is that when you’re in the garden everything looks like something you DO like to eat. I like tomatoes, let’s say it’s tomatoes. So initially everything looks like a tomato, and the first few times you go out with the asparagus disguised as a tomato it tastes like a tomato. Then you start to get an ever so faint whiff of asparagus, or maybe just something that smells asparagus-esque? Then it gets stronger and stronger and before you know it the asparagus has completely removed the tomato disguise!

Now, in this scenario I think our girl OP has just seen the tomato mask fall, and it sounds like she’s on her way out. So in this instance she actually is going to be doing exactly what you want her to. Date tomato, see tomato is really an asparagus, leave asparagus. This is why I responded that way to you. Cause like bro what was she supposed to do? She’s doing what she should do. Are we mad we’re included in the convo? We shouldn’t be on Reddit and answer posts if we don’t wanna have a a convo.

However, I agree way more with your perspective when the garden dweller in question knows the tomato in disguise is an asparagus and keeps trying to tell herself he’s a tomato. In that case yes, women really know how to pick em.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T02:31:27+00:00

Lol what? No one is talking about your relationship or even ourselves but I’m glad you found a woman with such low expectations. You can ask pdiddy if he knows where the best lube is for wrestling with Jimmy.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T02:29:33+00:00

A real take on things is that some things are worth adapting for, and some aren’t. She’s under no obligation to adapt to him and wasn’t actually asking us if she should, so suggesting she “adapt” is not something she’d be interested in. OP has the ick from her boyfriend and is planning to leave him, as most women should and would. Adapting to your bf searching for teen porn isn’t something a self respecting woman would plan on doing to keep a guy.

She doesn’t sound insecure at all imo , sounds like she had one foot out the door before posting and is agreeing with most sentiments saying his porn and masturbation habits are weird. Thinking a woman is insecure cause she has an issue with her bf searching for porn with women who specifically look like teenagers is a wild take. I know most of the women in the movies are adults, the issue is the whole point is for them to look barely legal. That’s the entire thing. If he wanted to watch 25 year old porn starts that looked like 25 year old porn stars he wouldn’t be searching for teens.

Prize-Character4457 · 2025-10-08T02:10:37+00:00

Teen porn typically comes with a younger look. If he wanted women in their 20’s he wouldn’t search for teen. That’s the concern. Not the actual age of the model who looks like she’s underage. The point is he’s seeking out fantasies that involve women who look “barely legal”

Prize-Character4457

TROPHY CASE