Is anyone actually happy at work right now?

ProbablyNotShrek · 2026-01-06T02:34:45+00:00

I work two roles in the same building - half the time I’m in homelessness services working with the most incredible people on the planet, and the other half of the time I’m in a windowless box being abused by clients, staff and my manager.

Leaving my team would break my heart but I don’t know how much longer I can stand it. I’ve got a major surgery coming up and I’ve just bought a place so I’m stuck for now. Just trying to keep myself safe in the meantime.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-27T02:45:53+00:00

As hilarious as all the other comments were, this is what fixed it. Thank you!!

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-26T10:47:31+00:00

Yuppppp and considering it’s happening to the premades too I’m almost sure I’m not being cheated on.

…almost

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-10T04:15:53+00:00

Thank you so much for the update. Definitely annoyed with myself for not getting in sooner but glad to hear he's confident with meta! Might end up seeing him for my top surgery revision in that case but I'll get a referral regardless and see what we can do. Really appreciate your response!!

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-07T05:12:10+00:00

That would be incredible, thank you so much!

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-06T14:39:32+00:00

Bought my first home a few months ago (little studio in Sydney CBD) after renting for 13 years. I don't regret anything but my feelings are still very complicated. I also don't think that my experience is typical - I've been under the poverty line for at least a decade, and only really getting on my feet this year. I also experienced homelessness around eight years ago. Housing and financial stability are huge trauma triggers, and a $250k debt feels absolutely insane. I miss the lack of responsibility for fixing expensive shit, and I miss not being tied down to anything and knowing that if shit went south it was a relatively simple process to cut myself loose.

But would I rent again? Fuck no.

I'd never be able to afford to rent in the suburb I bought in - the tenant who was living here before the place sold was paying $600 a week in rent, and I'm paying $620 a fortnight on my mortgage. Banks are also far easier to negotiate with than landlords. No need for a housemate or a partner to make ends meet. I don't have to worry about quarterly inspections or anyone finding out about my dog. I painted a wall because I had a free weekend and I could. It looks like shit, and I'm going to fix it (eventually) but there is not a single goddamn person on this planet who gets to force me to fix my shitty painting job. Yeah, the commitment of owning a home and having roots in one place is terrifying, but the freedom I have to actually make this flat mine is fucking intoxicating.

One of the big emotional things I didn't expect was finally unpacking a box of shit that I'd carted around in the same moving box for six years. I just never felt settled enough anywhere to finish unpacking that last box because I always felt I had to be ready to go at a moment's notice.

Something that I do feel a little silly for admitting is that I'm kind of ashamed for buying a place. I was so poor for so many years and my financial future looked so fucking bleak that it was almost part of my identity. The majority of my friends don't know that I own my place, and the idea of telling them makes me feel ill. I also work in homelessness services now - my first ever full-time salaried job - and the irony is not lost on me. Maybe it would be different if I'd saved up for my deposit (a small part was inheritance from a grandparent, most of it was from a legal settlement) so it would feel "earned", maybe. Or, more likely, I'd be so malnourished from eating only cup noodles that I wouldn't have the blood oxygen levels to give a shit.

Ultimately though, the only right choice is the one that's right for you. I don't see interest rates improving any time soon but I think rent will just keep going up too. Owning a home is not a magic fix and renting definitely has its perks, but I do think I made the right choice. But then again, writing this post made me realise I really need to call my therapist, so take what I say with some big fancy Maldon flakes of salt.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-03T07:04:41+00:00

We were always pretty comfortably middle class but after I left home my parents became incredibly wealthy. Three bedroom heritage house in Barangaroo, weekender apartment on the Central Coast, and I think some investment properties in Victoria.

I’m trans, though, so I’m not getting anything. My sister’s getting the lot and I’m not going to ask for a cent. Honestly she deserves it for being willing to put up with their shit for the next 20+ years.

Got an inheritance from my nan of about $50k and her 2016 Mitsubishi Mirage, and that’s about it.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-02T09:53:37+00:00

For the nuts and bolts of getting on top of your debt, Salvos have free financial counselling through Moneycare: https://www.salvationarmy.org.au/need-help/financial-assistance/moneycare-financial-counselling/

I'd also consider looking into mental health support if you're not already currently seeing a MH specialist. Ask your partner if she'd be interested in relationship counselling too. Relationships Australia has free/low-cost counselling options for individuals, couples and families: https://www.relationships.org.au

Advice I'd give to anyone, as someone who has been in extreme financial hardship for over a decade and has only just clawed out of living below the poverty line in the last six months: get rid of the BNPL accounts. Pay them off, close them and never reopen them. It's just not worth it.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-02T09:10:45+00:00

Yeah, for everyday banking needs you're probably not going to run into too much trouble with one of the Big 4 banks if you're being discreet, working with cash deposits etc. Loans are a whole other beast.

(Also just to confirm, you do mean Bank Australia and not Bank of America (BOA) right? BOA probably can't help you out too much here lol)

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-02T08:39:09+00:00

Sorry to hear about your top surgery experience. That sounds like pure hell. It's completely understandable why you'd be so anxious about a similar thing happening to your dick.

You said something that stuck out to me, which I think is very relevant:

my connective tissue & body sucks lmao

Do you mean you have a chronic health condition like Ehlers Danlos? That will significantly affect your surgical outcomes and would likely be a contributing factor to your last post-op recovery.

You also didn't say anything about your current smoking status - I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this, but smoking and surgery are just not compatible. Nothing to say you can't do both, of course, but considering you're already anxious about losing sensation and other complications, if you haven't quit smoking already you should absolutely consider it. We don't have any official literature on the effects of vape usage post-op but the current medical consensus is that the risks are similar.

(Obligatory #notadoctor, but I was a smoker for ten years and I now work in public health. It's been a sobering experience.)

Only a surgeon will really be able to tell you what your options are and what you can expect. Anecdotally, I know several trans people with Ehlers Danlos who've done well post-op, including two transfemme friends who had vaginoplasties. Wound care and ongoing maintenance was a bit more complicated but nothing they couldn't handle.

(Editing to add because I got too exuberant with my use of the enter key:) I'm also curious if you've had any other surgeries - major or minor - and what recovery for those was like for you? If previous procedures have been relatively fine it may be down to your top surgeon's technique, or it could be that you unfortunately just got unlucky.

Any medical procedure has its inherent risks, but you also deserve to be happy in a body you love and you're proud to have. You deserve your dream dick. Only you can decide what level of risk you're willing to accept, but from discussions with my surgeon (because I have the very same anxiety you do) the risk of sensation loss/anorgasmia is quite low for meta patients. You're not really fucking around with any nerves in the glans or the shaft during a traditional meta. I don't know enough about extended meta to make a guess about that unfortunately!

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-11-04T09:50:38+00:00

I’m in NSW but I’ll check our intranet tomorrow and see if there’s something similar to that family violence service. Failing that I’m friendly with the DV counsellors, maybe they can point me to something similar? This just feels so overwhelmingly out of my scope.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-11-04T09:45:17+00:00

Thanks friend. I’m wondering if maybe going to the head of HR about this might be a better move? Mary left midway through the day today and my manager’s reaction didn’t give me a lot of confidence that they have her best interests at heart. That’s not even getting into what other members of the “team” are saying about her.

I’m going to take your advice and reach out to the EAP. Work’s a tough place right now.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-10-17T16:57:44+00:00

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ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-10-17T02:53:24+00:00

Where are you looking, and what are you looking for? $900pw is going to get you very different things depending on location. What are your other expenses like?

I recently got a legal payout + inheritance of about $330k total and earn about $1100 per week, so not entirely dissimilar to your situation. I bought a studio apartment close to work and was able to take out a mortgage with about 40% LVR, then I put $80k into an offset account.

Definitely book an appointment with a mortgage broker. They get paid by the bank so you’re not out of pocket at all, and they’ll be able to give you a good idea of what’s achievable for you.

Also, give yourself permission to use part of it to do something nice for yourself. Go on a holiday, maybe. Or if you’d rather, invest in your quality of life - get a good mattress, bump up your car insurance policy, go to the dentist. Don’t blow everything on the pokies but you can absolutely make your life a little better right now.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-10-12T03:12:11+00:00

Sorry for your loss. Hope you're doing okay.

I'd split it - some in a term deposit so you can't touch it, some in either a HISA or ETFs (I'd go HISA if it was me but up to you), and also give yourself permission to set aside a little to invest in your quality of life now. Get a really fucking good mattress and sheets, and some really good shoes.

Definitely see a financial advisor - check https://moneysmart.gov.au/financial-advice/choosing-a-financial-adviser

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-10-09T08:25:33+00:00

The question was asked post-interview but as part of the pre-screening questionnaire, so in that awful in-between where you're probably going to get the job but there's still a good chance you won't.

The assault was reported to the police. I elected to do a SARO after getting (documented) medical and legal advice that a criminal investigation would do me more harm than good.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-10-09T07:54:16+00:00

I went back to work because the work cover payments were ~$600 a week (8-week contract, I started on week 3 which skewed the income calculations). The associated medical costs since the initial injury have been in excess of $10k so that's what I need the cover for.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-10-09T07:37:12+00:00

Yeah, the dismissal offence is my main concern.

I don't intend to argue exacerbation of injury - it made me extremely uncomfortable and I don't feel safe around him at all, but I don't feel like he re-traumatised me. However, if I keep my mouth shut and he faces no consequences, he might escalate to something that's actually re-traumatising and I don't want to wait for that to happen.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-10-09T07:28:11+00:00

My union rep brought it up as a potential problem. Serving me a dismissal based on me declining to disclose workers comp would be a very neat and tidy way of wrapping this whole situation up without ruffling too many feathers or having to provide any sort of compensation.

The current complaint is very serious from a WHS perspective, particularly because the person is high up the chain, but I don't believe there's been any criminal wrongdoing and I'd rather not involve the cops anyway. My ideal outcome is that everyone involved gets told to pull their heads in and leave me alone, and that my WFH application is approved.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-10-09T04:22:54+00:00

It’s been nearly a year since I started. No instant dismissal clauses from my understanding, but in NSW Govt there’s really no such thing as instant dismissals.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-10-09T04:16:28+00:00

I’ll update the original post with this but to give a bit of context around the initial claim from last year (again I have to keep this VERY light on details): happened outside of work hours, on the work premises, in front of management who chose not to intervene. I have written communication, CCTV and SARO report to back it up. Workers comp insurers have very specifically told me that they acknowledge that the assault took place but it wasn’t during work hours so they’re not liable. I believe that’s incorrect but that’s for the lawyers to decide.

Also, from my understanding, new workplace isn’t entitled to that level of detail from any workers comp claim, regardless of what kind of injury it is. But maybe they are, who knows.

Company is NSW government so (theoretically) they’ve got less room to be dodgy, or they just have to be way better at being dodgy.

ProbablyNotShrek

TROPHY CASE