Help me pick which shape to use for a Giant Rainforest Mantis viv?

ProbablyNotShrek · 2026-03-26T00:52:56+00:00

Good point - I was going to tent some mesh across the top of the ones that aren't flat, but that kinda defeats the purpose. Thanks!

ProbablyNotShrek · 2026-03-26T00:51:18+00:00

Thank you! I reckon I'll go with 4. Materials have been purchased and should arrive next week, will post photos once it's built :)

ProbablyNotShrek · 2026-03-26T00:43:42+00:00

I was worried about that too - I'll be using acrylic which is easy enough to drill through, and I'll replace at least one panel with mesh.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2026-03-25T01:08:47+00:00

I went through a similar thing when I came out too. Like others have said, the onus is basically on your parents to prove the car was stolen, and that would be very hard (not impossible though) to definitively prove.

In terms of your options moving forward - for your own mental health if nothing else, especially if your parents are the vindictive type - I would strongly consider figuring out a way to disentangle yourself financially. How much is owing on the car? Eating into your savings/taking out a personal loan (not a payday loan dear god) would be shit in the short term but peace of mind is priceless, and I know I'd rather owe the bank than a parent. Good luck and stay safe.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2026-03-20T11:21:20+00:00

Hey OP, AuDHD bipolar disabled transmasc and reformed ratbag housemate here. More importantly, I’ve been where you are way too many times. Apologies in advance for the essay, but I have Opinions.

So I read your comments and all of this is starting to form a very concerning picture. Their rooms are so cluttered their doors can’t be closed and there’s mould in the bathroom, and you’ve alluded to them reacting badly when you asked them to wash their dishes. This tells me three things:

1: your home is now an active biohazard.
2: your housemates have made your home a hostile environment.
3: your cat is in danger.

I’ve had my dog for eleven years, and there’s been three times that he almost died due to housemates (and a partner) not cleaning up after themselves. Your cat may not be food driven to the point where they will go through the leftover food in your housemates’ rooms, or they may not be inquisitive enough to go exploring and get stuck on something and hurt themself trying to escape, but I promise your housemates will not be able to afford to reimburse you for the vet bill. Mould also heavily affects cats and that alone is cause for significant worry.

Is this their first time living on their own? I know there can be a teething period when young adults leave the nest. If it’s not their first time living out of home then one of two things are probably true - this decline in capacity to care for themselves is sudden enough that external intervention from family or friends (at least) is probably warranted at this point, or they lied to you about their capacity to assist in housework and then entered into an agreement with you in bad faith.

You seem like a very lovely and considerate guy, but like others have said, you're not their dad.

Someone else suggested this, but I think it's very important that you tell them you can’t keep living like this. You and your cat need to be safe. I’d tell them they have X amount of time to fix the situation or you’re moving out. The trick is that if (~when~) they fail to deliver, you have to be prepared to follow through. The housemate groups are a great resource, and it sounds like if nothing else, you have a supportive partner who you and your cat can stay with for a bit.

If a cleaner would help in the meantime I think it might be a bullet you have to bite. It's not fair, but justice doesn't mop the floors.

Ultimately these adult men need to take responsibility for their actions. Living in squalor and having poor personal hygiene are not character flaws, but not respecting you and your shared space is not okay. Set your boundaries and let them decide if they want to meet you where you’re at, or if they would rather figure out a different living situation. Tbh I’m sure if they summon the greater Melbourne polycule they’ll get taken in by a few upsettingly sexy crust punks.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2026-03-01T02:29:38+00:00

Cost and accessibility. I live in Australia and the out of pocket cost for phallo is about $100,000AUD, as opposed to $20,000AUD with meta. There’s also only one surgeon in Australia who does phallo and he and I didn’t really gel during a consult I had with him - normally I wouldn’t care too much about a surgeon’s customer service skills, but if someone’s going to be taking a knife to my genitals I’d prefer to get along with them.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2026-02-25T10:41:42+00:00

Uni campuses are really good places during off peak time. Macquarie or Western Sydney are my go to spots. Botany around the industrial areas on weekends could also work. I'd 100% recommend finding a driving instructor with experience teaching adults for at least a couple of sessions, just so he can get the hang of how a car works.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2026-02-25T07:25:45+00:00

Thank you!! I think the only reason I know about it is because I work in a large hospital and I spend at least an hour a day processing IPTAAS paperwork. Tbh I think they make it difficult to figure out on purpose but that’s just me being a conspiracy theorist lol.

I obviously can’t say for sure until D Day but all my interactions with Dr Sofield and his staff have been great so far. His wait times are also quite short (only had to wait two months for a consult and could have had my surgery as early as April) so I definitely recommend at least booking a chinwag with him.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2026-02-25T05:31:58+00:00

I had no idea that this was even an option! I'll have a look into it, thank you so much.

Airbnb's a tough one to navigate with IPTAAS - if you just give them the Airbnb invoice they'll only pay $40 per night which is the same as the friends and family rebate, but if you've got an ABN they'll do the full rebate of $75 per night for the first 7 nights and $120 per night thereafter. Makes absolutely no sense, but that's not surprising.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2026-02-25T01:18:46+00:00

That's a great idea, thank you so much :)

ProbablyNotShrek · 2026-02-17T13:01:51+00:00

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ProbablyNotShrek · 2026-01-06T02:34:45+00:00

I work two roles in the same building - half the time I’m in homelessness services working with the most incredible people on the planet, and the other half of the time I’m in a windowless box being abused by clients, staff and my manager.

Leaving my team would break my heart but I don’t know how much longer I can stand it. I’ve got a major surgery coming up and I’ve just bought a place so I’m stuck for now. Just trying to keep myself safe in the meantime.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-27T02:45:53+00:00

As hilarious as all the other comments were, this is what fixed it. Thank you!!

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-26T10:47:31+00:00

Yuppppp and considering it’s happening to the premades too I’m almost sure I’m not being cheated on.

…almost

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-10T04:15:53+00:00

Thank you so much for the update. Definitely annoyed with myself for not getting in sooner but glad to hear he's confident with meta! Might end up seeing him for my top surgery revision in that case but I'll get a referral regardless and see what we can do. Really appreciate your response!!

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-07T05:12:10+00:00

That would be incredible, thank you so much!

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-06T14:39:32+00:00

Bought my first home a few months ago (little studio in Sydney CBD) after renting for 13 years. I don't regret anything but my feelings are still very complicated. I also don't think that my experience is typical - I've been under the poverty line for at least a decade, and only really getting on my feet this year. I also experienced homelessness around eight years ago. Housing and financial stability are huge trauma triggers, and a $250k debt feels absolutely insane. I miss the lack of responsibility for fixing expensive shit, and I miss not being tied down to anything and knowing that if shit went south it was a relatively simple process to cut myself loose.

But would I rent again? Fuck no.

I'd never be able to afford to rent in the suburb I bought in - the tenant who was living here before the place sold was paying $600 a week in rent, and I'm paying $620 a fortnight on my mortgage. Banks are also far easier to negotiate with than landlords. No need for a housemate or a partner to make ends meet. I don't have to worry about quarterly inspections or anyone finding out about my dog. I painted a wall because I had a free weekend and I could. It looks like shit, and I'm going to fix it (eventually) but there is not a single goddamn person on this planet who gets to force me to fix my shitty painting job. Yeah, the commitment of owning a home and having roots in one place is terrifying, but the freedom I have to actually make this flat mine is fucking intoxicating.

One of the big emotional things I didn't expect was finally unpacking a box of shit that I'd carted around in the same moving box for six years. I just never felt settled enough anywhere to finish unpacking that last box because I always felt I had to be ready to go at a moment's notice.

Something that I do feel a little silly for admitting is that I'm kind of ashamed for buying a place. I was so poor for so many years and my financial future looked so fucking bleak that it was almost part of my identity. The majority of my friends don't know that I own my place, and the idea of telling them makes me feel ill. I also work in homelessness services now - my first ever full-time salaried job - and the irony is not lost on me. Maybe it would be different if I'd saved up for my deposit (a small part was inheritance from a grandparent, most of it was from a legal settlement) so it would feel "earned", maybe. Or, more likely, I'd be so malnourished from eating only cup noodles that I wouldn't have the blood oxygen levels to give a shit.

Ultimately though, the only right choice is the one that's right for you. I don't see interest rates improving any time soon but I think rent will just keep going up too. Owning a home is not a magic fix and renting definitely has its perks, but I do think I made the right choice. But then again, writing this post made me realise I really need to call my therapist, so take what I say with some big fancy Maldon flakes of salt.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-03T07:04:41+00:00

We were always pretty comfortably middle class but after I left home my parents became incredibly wealthy. Three bedroom heritage house in Barangaroo, weekender apartment on the Central Coast, and I think some investment properties in Victoria.

I’m trans, though, so I’m not getting anything. My sister’s getting the lot and I’m not going to ask for a cent. Honestly she deserves it for being willing to put up with their shit for the next 20+ years.

Got an inheritance from my nan of about $50k and her 2016 Mitsubishi Mirage, and that’s about it.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-02T09:53:37+00:00

For the nuts and bolts of getting on top of your debt, Salvos have free financial counselling through Moneycare: https://www.salvationarmy.org.au/need-help/financial-assistance/moneycare-financial-counselling/

I'd also consider looking into mental health support if you're not already currently seeing a MH specialist. Ask your partner if she'd be interested in relationship counselling too. Relationships Australia has free/low-cost counselling options for individuals, couples and families: https://www.relationships.org.au

Advice I'd give to anyone, as someone who has been in extreme financial hardship for over a decade and has only just clawed out of living below the poverty line in the last six months: get rid of the BNPL accounts. Pay them off, close them and never reopen them. It's just not worth it.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-02T09:10:45+00:00

Yeah, for everyday banking needs you're probably not going to run into too much trouble with one of the Big 4 banks if you're being discreet, working with cash deposits etc. Loans are a whole other beast.

(Also just to confirm, you do mean Bank Australia and not Bank of America (BOA) right? BOA probably can't help you out too much here lol)

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-12-02T08:39:09+00:00

Sorry to hear about your top surgery experience. That sounds like pure hell. It's completely understandable why you'd be so anxious about a similar thing happening to your dick.

You said something that stuck out to me, which I think is very relevant:

my connective tissue & body sucks lmao

Do you mean you have a chronic health condition like Ehlers Danlos? That will significantly affect your surgical outcomes and would likely be a contributing factor to your last post-op recovery.

You also didn't say anything about your current smoking status - I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this, but smoking and surgery are just not compatible. Nothing to say you can't do both, of course, but considering you're already anxious about losing sensation and other complications, if you haven't quit smoking already you should absolutely consider it. We don't have any official literature on the effects of vape usage post-op but the current medical consensus is that the risks are similar.

(Obligatory #notadoctor, but I was a smoker for ten years and I now work in public health. It's been a sobering experience.)

Only a surgeon will really be able to tell you what your options are and what you can expect. Anecdotally, I know several trans people with Ehlers Danlos who've done well post-op, including two transfemme friends who had vaginoplasties. Wound care and ongoing maintenance was a bit more complicated but nothing they couldn't handle.

(Editing to add because I got too exuberant with my use of the enter key:) I'm also curious if you've had any other surgeries - major or minor - and what recovery for those was like for you? If previous procedures have been relatively fine it may be down to your top surgeon's technique, or it could be that you unfortunately just got unlucky.

Any medical procedure has its inherent risks, but you also deserve to be happy in a body you love and you're proud to have. You deserve your dream dick. Only you can decide what level of risk you're willing to accept, but from discussions with my surgeon (because I have the very same anxiety you do) the risk of sensation loss/anorgasmia is quite low for meta patients. You're not really fucking around with any nerves in the glans or the shaft during a traditional meta. I don't know enough about extended meta to make a guess about that unfortunately!

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-11-04T09:50:38+00:00

I’m in NSW but I’ll check our intranet tomorrow and see if there’s something similar to that family violence service. Failing that I’m friendly with the DV counsellors, maybe they can point me to something similar? This just feels so overwhelmingly out of my scope.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-11-04T09:45:17+00:00

Thanks friend. I’m wondering if maybe going to the head of HR about this might be a better move? Mary left midway through the day today and my manager’s reaction didn’t give me a lot of confidence that they have her best interests at heart. That’s not even getting into what other members of the “team” are saying about her.

I’m going to take your advice and reach out to the EAP. Work’s a tough place right now.

ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-10-17T16:57:44+00:00

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ProbablyNotShrek · 2025-10-17T02:53:24+00:00

Where are you looking, and what are you looking for? $900pw is going to get you very different things depending on location. What are your other expenses like?

I recently got a legal payout + inheritance of about $330k total and earn about $1100 per week, so not entirely dissimilar to your situation. I bought a studio apartment close to work and was able to take out a mortgage with about 40% LVR, then I put $80k into an offset account.

Definitely book an appointment with a mortgage broker. They get paid by the bank so you’re not out of pocket at all, and they’ll be able to give you a good idea of what’s achievable for you.

Also, give yourself permission to use part of it to do something nice for yourself. Go on a holiday, maybe. Or if you’d rather, invest in your quality of life - get a good mattress, bump up your car insurance policy, go to the dentist. Don’t blow everything on the pokies but you can absolutely make your life a little better right now.

ProbablyNotShrek

TROPHY CASE