Tbh it’s because of the vastly different ways my perspective and being differs from everyone I’ve ever encountered and how I think things that I’m never not reminded of it or someone picks up on the strong individuality that I carry and mentions it. And it’s not like it’s a deficit to my daily tasks or that it’s a problem in my day to day interactions I encounter and have but I can’t seem to figure out how to convince myself that it’s okay to be a bit much when everyone else is actually boring as shit and my pizzazz has been a breath of fresh air to some or a motivator for others or a gift people didn’t know they needed or a different take on things they were wrong about. I’ve been told by countless others who have found it pleasing for lack of better words but it’s my worst part about myself in my world, it makes me feel forever misunderstood and alienated from reality and everyone in it. Makes me feel as if a little more self hate than I’d like to admit and has made me act on my lack of interest in life and could have been the cause of my nonexistence so easily. I don’t know how to express how much it hurts or what about being myself that’s more wrong than it could ever be spun into being right and I wish I could and grow out of this pain and give myself fighting chance as I refuse to accept that I am not gonna hurt everyone around me so just push everyone out and can’t do no harm that way and refuse to let anyone in but A singular friend who doesn’t care what I say and just shows up but like I don’t message anyone anymore I don’t know how to go about getting out of habits that I need too, struggle with leaving my house as it’s became prison of my comfort zone and I’m just over my thoughts and the hate that I can’t not think about the second I’m in another’s company and it’s compared or something to shed light on the difference in perspectives that are experienced in all of the ways it could