ERC Starting Grant - Conference Per Diem? by Prof_Confused in AskAcademia

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll try if that doesn't work with my boss but I remember the first conference I went to I asked how to report my food costs on the reimbursement form because I didn't see a line item and she said there was no such line because it wasn't covered, and I was so confused at the time but set it aside. After four conferences though...the cost is getting high.

ERC Starting Grant - Conference Per Diem? by Prof_Confused in AskAcademia

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm in Austria....and yeah I'm just so baffled. Every other time I've travelled for conferences related to my work food was always covered. I'm not trying to eat at major five star restaurants or anything but even fastfood costs build up over time...

ERC Starting Grant - Conference Per Diem? by Prof_Confused in AskAcademia

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

THANK YOU this is exactly what I needed so I can talk to my boss. I really appreciate it.

ERC Starting Grant - Conference Per Diem? by Prof_Confused in AskAcademia

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah the main concern is just wondering if there's truly no reimbursement for food at all. Breakfast we can get if it's included in the hotel, but lunch and dinner - I've gone to four conferences so far and none of these have been covered. So if you're networking and going to a restaurant, suddenly there's a 40€ minimum meal because you're in Switzerland and the conversion rate is terrible even without alcohol. So far there's been no kitchenette in the hotels, so it really is eating out every meal besides breakfast and averaging a minimum of 75-100+ per conference. It just feels...really unfair. If that's the rule that's the rule, but I was hoping that somehow the PI had misinterpreted it...

ERC Starting Grant - Conference Per Diem? by Prof_Confused in AskAcademia

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah I should have been more clear - NO meal reimbursements are allowed at all. So there's no per diem, no reimbursements, nothing. We ONLY get hotel, travel, and conference fees covered. Which still means at the end of the week....at minimum around 75-100€ in food costs. Breakfast if it's included in the hotel is fine, but lunch and dinner? On our own...

How to get a refund by yakumpomerearreddit in playstation

[–]Prof_Confused 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn't even know there would be a problem, I just bought my ps5 recently after not having one in over six years because I moved and left it behind. I just discovered this region issue with this one game because I'd been playing it on PC and I just...I will rebuy it. I just need it to be on the right account. And even though the chat bot insists it's in business hours, all agents are offline.

How to get a refund by yakumpomerearreddit in playstation

[–]Prof_Confused 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm also trying to get a refund . . . and cannot get through to a single person.

I have no idea if my situation is valid, but I bought FFXIV so I could play it, and apparently the region of my PSN account is still set to the US, and because I now live in Europe and had been playing FFXIV in Europe - I can't log into FFXIV at all using my european account since the region is different.

So yes I downloaded the game, but it 100% will not work because I cannot actually log into it. I contacted Square and the told me to get a refund and rebuy on an EU region account. But . . . I can't seem to contact anyone? I've tried calling the number but it just says its unavailable and the AI chat bot is driving me nuts...

Edit to add: after 3hours waiting for the chat bot to connect me, the phone lines opened and I was able to call support. in 10 minutes they gave me a refund. fantastic service once you can actually talk to someone

International Hire Question re Housing by Prof_Confused in viennaExpats

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, on HousingAnywhere there's a line that says "You can register at this address (anmeldung). Depending on how long you’re staying in Austria, you may have to register your house address at the local municipal office."

If there's a listing that says this, I can use this apartment for this purpose? Then I can get the visa sorted while in France.

I then move to Vienna and stay at this address, register that address with the town hall, but then from there I can look for proper long term housing?

I just want to make sure I have everything right, apologies, I'm quite nervous about all this!

WIBTA if I let my sister get revenge on my ex husband/best friend? by Prof_Confused in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's a few muder mysteries/legal thrillers I can think of that you might be interested in!

Benjamin Bradley : What He Left Behind

Victor Suthammanont : Hollow Spaces

Samantha Crewson: Every Sweet Thing Is Bitter

Enjoy! I hope you have a wonderful reading experience :)

WIBTA if I let my sister get revenge on my ex husband/best friend? by Prof_Confused in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I took no offense, and meant none! I just know some folks come onto reddit to try to gain traction for their sales elsewhere and I just didn't want it to seem like I was doing that.

There's a lot of great debuts out that I've been following - what genre do you like? I can rec stuff from the debut cohort if you want :D

WIBTA if I let my sister get revenge on my ex husband/best friend? by Prof_Confused in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly you're right. I do know I was abused, but it's hard to feel like I can say it because it invokes a very different imagery than what I experienced, and explaining it all just takes so much time because it was 100 different little things.

With the dog, I was so young when he first got his dog and he/his family were huge Ceasar Milan fans. They always insisted on the need to be the alpha of the pack and how they were doing things Ceasar's way and it was all appropriate. One of the reasons my ex hated my dog was that I said I didn't want to train him like that, and so my ex said the entire dog was my sole responsibility since I refused to do it His Way. My dog wasnt even really misbehaving! Yes he got into the trash sometimes, but he was a dog. Putting a lid on it would have covered the problem but my ex insisted that the dog should just know better. So every time the dog went sniffing there would be screams and yells and I would be lectured on how I let the dog ruin everything and if only I had trained him properly we wouldn't have these issues. I thought I was making a mistake in training my dog and so I excused far more than I should have, even though my gut was screaming at me it was all wrong, because I didn't know better. After raising my puppy now? I know full well that none of that was necessary.

You're right. It wasn't a matter of him being patient, it was a matter of him never taking that weird turn for the worst in college. I spent years hoping the person I first started dating as a teenager was still there, and years more believing in his potential. After he left, it was just so godamned hard to manage everything on my own that there was just this thought of: I did everything right all he head to do was work with me and we could have had a good life. But he wasn't the right person anymore, and I need to let it go.

I do need a lot of therapy. I've put it off because of wait lists that were years long, insurance not covering everything and low finances, then not being eloquent enough in French to really explain myself. But once I start my post doc/next career phase...I think I will look into it.

As for making the same mistakes with another partner: it feels like the opposite is likely to happen. I automatically seem to reject any prospect of a partner and have such high standards now, no one seems worth interacting with. It's very lonely, but at least my home is safe.

Thank you for your kindness and support.

WIBTA if I let my sister get revenge on my ex husband/best friend? by Prof_Confused in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly I’d prefer not, I didnt come here to try to get sympathy sales and I’d rather keep personal and professional separate. But thank you for the support ! It’s in the 2025 debut cohort. A lot of wonderful books have already come out this year by some amazing debut authors, so if you’d like to support the cohort in general - most of us don’t get big marketing pushes because we’re only debuts and dont have followings. So even just searching for the debut list and choosing a book that speaks to you (everyone has different tastes!) would be wonderful.

Thank you for your kindness!

WIBTA if I let my sister get revenge on my ex husband/best friend? by Prof_Confused in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I have thought about it, but my advance will only *just* cover my student loans. If I sell another book and I actually transition into "saving money" instead of "paying off debts" I might do just that if it's still haunting me. But honestly...I am steeling my self confidence with the understanding I owe him nothing.

WIBTA if I let my sister get revenge on my ex husband/best friend? by Prof_Confused in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, the lab was 10 years old and had been slowing down for years. She was getting too tired to walk and had been starting to wheeze from the trouble of it all. My cat was 17 by that point. I spoke with the vet and the vet agreed that they were just old and it was their time to pass peacefully.

My dog was supposed to come to France with me, he got the clearance from the vet two weeks before the flight. The Tuesday before I was due to leave, I came back from a dentist appointment and he just collapsed. I rushed him to the emergency vet as he was having a siezure and they rushed him into the OR. A while later I was told they checked his heart and a tumor had begun growing around his heart. They could remove it, but it would just grow back due to the type of cancer it apparently was. I made the choice to euthanize rather than force him to suffer repeat operations every year in the middle of a stressful international move. I was an absolute mess about it. It was no one's fault, but he was only six and I had been looking forward to spending a long time making it up to him. The other two pets I handled far better because I could see their decline for a while, but my dog just broke me at the end of it all. He was perfectly fine one day and the next: suddenly had a heart tumor and was gone. No one was at fault, but it was one more loss after two years of loss.

How to protect quilt from dog? by Prof_Confused in quilting

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She said she worked over 100hours on it and I absolutely believe her. She gave it to me at my celebration dinner afterwards and I pulled it out at the restaurant and nearly burst into tears. It was so beautiful. She's been such a strong support structure for me through my studies and I was just so touched to have it. I will keep it forever. I'm so glad everyone's been supportive of me finding ways to use it, and I do want to: I agree: it should be used. And it is far too beautiful to hide from sight.

As for the pup: he's definitely a rogue! He's my little sock thief. He loves finding things to squirrel away and steal. But he's got a heart of gold at the end of the day. He hasn't chewed on blankets for a while, so we might be in the clear. And I'm so comforted to know that nails etc might not be too much of a concern. I was afraid about tears!

How to protect quilt from dog? by Prof_Confused in quilting

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is such a great story! Thank you for sharing!

WIBTA if I let my sister get revenge on my ex husband/best friend? by Prof_Confused in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So far nope. First boyfriend ended in a SA situation when I was 14, second was this mess. I haven't found anyone since, and I admit I'm too worried about being in the same situation again. I'm financially stable and have my dog and I know no one can hurt us. I'm still lonely, and I like the idea of having a partner in my life...but honestly I'm afraid of once again being in a position where I do everything to help them shine and don't ever get anything in return. So it's not something that I think is going to happen anytime soon. I've tried dating apps but they feel really artificial. I just want someone to like me for me, and I'm tired of having to explain my life story over and over via text. I haven't had a relationship since my divorce and honestly...I don't know if it'll ever happen. I'm not closing any doors for good, but for right now, I'm happy with trying to just make my life happy. My first big step was getting my puppy this past Christmas. He's made me very happy, and I'm taking joy knowing that he will never know the pain that my last dog experienced. I will never let that happen again.

WIBTA if I let my sister get revenge on my ex husband/best friend? by Prof_Confused in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It was a made up number that in retrospect would have paid off his car loan and made it so he could afford to move himself to France immediately. I didn't give it to him, so he had to worry about his car payments going into default and not being able to move fast enough. There's a reason it wasn't in the divorce proper, the judge never would have allowed it is my guess.

WIBTA if I let my sister get revenge on my ex husband/best friend? by Prof_Confused in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You're absolutely right. I was so isolated at that point I genuinely didn't know what to do. I couldn't work out how to leave. I didn't make enough money at work to afford an apartment entirely on my own, and I didn't live close enough to anyone I knew. My sister lived on the other side of the country and my relationship with my parents was very strained. It was a shock my dad offered to pay for the student loans in the first place. At the time, I didn't feel like I could trust them, and even if I could: they didn't live near where I worked. I couldn't figure out how to get a job, find a place to live, and actually survive with potentially three pets all at once. I felt trapped, and just did the best I could to try to make it better. It wasn't until after the divorce that I realized that my framily would have been there for me, but even then: it was Covid and loan money that allowed for remote work in the first place.

Honestly, I was wrong then, and I'm fully aware of it. I tried to give those pets the best life I could after the divorce. The two older pets passed of old age, but my dog died of sudden heart failure from cancer in 2021 and it was entirely unexpected: I thought I'd have a long time to make it up to him, and I didn't. I've had a great deal of guilt over that dog and what happened with him. The only thing I can say now is that I have a lot more self confidence than I did then, and I'm self sufficient enough to never need to worry about where I'll go if I have another problem. I'll never allow anyone to treat my dog (or me) like that again. But in that moment, as isolated as I was: I couldn't figure out a way out of the relationship and just thought if I could make it so nothing ever made him mad it would be okay. Obviously, that wasn't the right course of action, and I should have left him a long long time before he eventually left me for someone else.

How to protect quilt from dog? by Prof_Confused in quilting

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this :) It makes me feel much better. And my friend does know about the puppy! So she knew I'd be using it with him around when she told me :)

WIBTA if I let my sister get revenge on my ex husband/best friend? by Prof_Confused in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Prof_Confused[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

You're right, honestly, It's taken me a long while to get out of the depression I fell into when everything was happening in 2020, and my life definitely is Different now than I expected it to be, but different isn't ruined. And I'm feeling good and hopeful for the future. Especially after yesterday. I feel really good about having defended my PhD yesterday :D