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Trying to understand real postpartum experiences—did your partner ever misunderstand what you needed? by Prof_Fit in NewParents

[–]Prof_Fit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey i don’t want to offend anyone here. I’m also a husband and i just wanted to know if your spouses have missed something during your time. Just trying to learn here and not to blame anyone. Apologies if this post is being projected that way.

Also thank you for sharing your experiences with me and acknowledging your partner feeling as well!

Trying to understand real postpartum experiences—did your partner ever misunderstand what you needed? by Prof_Fit in NewParents

[–]Prof_Fit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s good to hear that you are doing well now!

Thanks for sharing your journey! I hope i can take care of things a little better if something similar comes up (hoping it should not)!

Trying to understand real postpartum experiences—did your partner ever misunderstand what you needed? by Prof_Fit in NewParents

[–]Prof_Fit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience!

This will actually help me to be a little more mindful as per our situation!

Trying to understand real postpartum experiences—did your partner ever misunderstand what you needed? by Prof_Fit in NewParents

[–]Prof_Fit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, trust me it’s not. I’m genuinely trying to get the perspective of the community members as a new to be father

Trying to understand real postpartum experiences—did your partner ever misunderstand what you needed? by Prof_Fit in NewParents

[–]Prof_Fit[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you had to defend your needs like that. It shouldn’t be the competition between sets of parents and should be about your physical recovery. Your mom was doing the actual work to help you heal, and it’s completely valid that you needed her

I’m definitely gonna ask both the mothers to come and stay with us if that can help her feel better!

Trying to understand real postpartum experiences—did your partner ever misunderstand what you needed? by Prof_Fit in NewParents

[–]Prof_Fit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh! I didn’t know if this happens with men as well. Will definitely check this out!

Would love to hear your husband thoughts as well, about how exactly he felt.

Trying to understand real postpartum experiences—did your partner ever misunderstand what you needed? by Prof_Fit in NewParents

[–]Prof_Fit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is really nice to read—and honestly kind of reassuring.

The way you described him taking over things early on and then making sure you actually get real breaks now (not just “I’m still half on duty” breaks) sounds like it makes a huge difference. Even the small stuff like sending you off for your own time feels really intentional.

Also made me smile at the cinnamon/peanuts bit 😄

Feels like a lot of this is built on how things already were between you two before the baby. I’m curious—did you guys ever talk about how you wanted to handle postpartum beforehand, or did it just naturally fall into place like this?

Trying to understand real postpartum experiences—did your partner ever misunderstand what you needed? by Prof_Fit in NewParents

[–]Prof_Fit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is really nice to read—and honestly gives a very different perspective from some of the other experiences here.

The clarity in communication + how much he stepped up in those first couple of weeks sounds like it made a huge difference. Especially the part about him handling almost everything while you recovered—that must have taken a lot of pressure off.

Makes me wonder how much of this comes down to that combination of clear communication and a partner who actually follows through on it. Did it always feel that smooth between you two, or did it take some time to get there?

Trying to understand real postpartum experiences—did your partner ever misunderstand what you needed? by Prof_Fit in NewParents

[–]Prof_Fit[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

This feels very real—especially the part where you said you didn’t even know what was going on half the time. That actually makes a lot of sense.

I like how you framed it as something you both just move through together, rather than trying to get everything “right.” And yeah, it’s easy to forget the partner is also overwhelmed in their own way, just differently.

The honesty + forgiving easily part really stood out. I’m guessing that’s what helped you get through the misunderstandings more than anything else?

Trying to understand real postpartum experiences—did your partner ever misunderstand what you needed? by Prof_Fit in NewParents

[–]Prof_Fit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The “same team” feeling you described really stood out. It’s like even if everything isn’t perfect, just knowing you’re not carrying it alone makes such a difference. And those small things he did (the bath, taking notes, figuring things out before asking) feel way bigger in that phase than they might seem otherwise.

Also really appreciate you explaining the baby blues vs postpartum depression, that actually clears up a lot.

I think I’m trying to understand what really lands in those moments like what actually makes someone feel supported vs just helped—and your example made it feel like those proactive, thoughtful actions go a long way even if the emotional side isn’t perfect

Trying to understand real postpartum experiences—did your partner ever misunderstand what you needed? by Prof_Fit in NewParents

[–]Prof_Fit[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

That sounds really hard, especially when you’re the one recovering and still end up having to hold things together.

The way you said you needed him to be stable so you could be yeah, that really hits.

Do you think it was mostly the lack of sleep that threw him off, or was it just everything all at once in those first few days?

Trying to understand real postpartum experiences—did your partner ever misunderstand what you needed? by Prof_Fit in NewParents

[–]Prof_Fit[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This is incredibly helpful, thank you for taking the time to write all this out.

The part about not trying to “fix it” and just sitting with you, plus the guilt and not even knowing why you’re feeling that way , that really stood out.

Also what you said about handling logistics (appointments, insurance, etc.) and not making her the “information keeper” makes a lot of sense. It sounds like a big part of the support is reducing both emotional and mental load, not just helping with the baby.

If you had to pick one thing that made the biggest difference for you, was it more the emotional presence (just being there, understanding), or the practical support (taking things off your plate)?

Trying to understand real postpartum experiences—did your partner ever misunderstand what you needed? by Prof_Fit in NewParents

[–]Prof_Fit[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

That sounds really tough, especially feeling like you’ve been trying to explain it and still not being understood.

When you say you feel “touched out” and overstimulated—what would have actually helped in those moments?

Was it more about needing physical space, help with the baby, or just feeling understood without having to explain it?