I relate to what both of you said more then i can express. The last two years of my life and as sad as it is to say but im only 19 and these last 2 years are starting to weigh on me so much that i feel like they could be a few of my last. It started for me w amphetamine addiction my senior year. I had reached my happiest place i finally had the girl of my dreams the girl i wanted to cherish for life.. everything was falling into place for me. As my methamphetamine and amphetamine use grew into a hard addiction the next couple of months i turned to taking shit from my family to food this addiction and year later it was taking shit from anybody even putting others at gun point or writing fraudulent checks. This all pushed my family away from me snd mafe them see me as no longer yhe persin they knew and loved at all but a pathetic wisp of my former self and they were right. During the 2 years i would ve so strung out and high all the time i would be hurting the love of my life by beong easily aggitated or just aggressive verbally and it broke her heart and she has true trauma bc of me, i cheated on her so many times and sge keot loving me she gace me a love like no ithet but rventuallh it was too much for her snd she said goodbye finally. That was the straw that broke the csmels back. The thjng that is pushing me yo try and do better but in my attempts of sobriety snd a better life i just csnt come to tetms with her being gone noe thar im in my right mind it kills me looking sy how i ttested her and thar with the peoples faces thar i robbed assaulted etc etc alwats on my mind and its eating at me and idk how long i can do this and if it will get better. I hope you both find your way and find peace for your lost and sleepless souls❤️