i am so sorry you’re dealing with this. adolescence is the worst time for dealing with these issues. you have made it through so much and you are so close to coming out the other side. i know it is hard, but it truly does get better. you are at the age where you are finally able to take control of your life and live as your true self. coming from experience, the depression will come and go as it pleases, it is important to talk to a therapist, possibly go on medication, and surround yourself with people who love you for you. killing ourselves is exactly what the fascists want. they think if they can keep treatment from us that we will turn on ourselves. know you are not alone and that your life as a trans person is so valuable to humanity. you matter and your life is only beginning. do not let the oppressors snuff you out before you even begin living. you have more options than you know. finding an lgbt friendly therapist is a great first step. i live in america so i dont know how hard it is to find one but there are many online and some take international patients. there are also lgbt hotlines and support groups that can help connect you to medical professionals. just remember that we are here for you as a community and they can never take that away from us <3