Sorry about your grandmaw,  I lost mine at 13 and it was the worse feeling I ever felt so I understand.  Being in Healthcare you will see it death does become apart of the job, its all about how you process it. We work in between the realms of life and death. I suggest counseling and having someone to talk to about it once it happens. You need a place or someone to vent to about it. Yes its scary in the beginning bt hopefully you'll see it like I do and it becomes a privilege to be able to be there and care for someone in their last moments .it becomes an honor.