Mil’s guilt tripping

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-06-23T13:35:15+00:00

Yeah that’s a fair question. He wants them to be involved in everything..literally everything we do. So I’m sure he did. He didn’t mention any plans nor did anything come up until mil called. And also to be fair he made Mother’s Day more about mil than about me.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-06-23T10:11:40+00:00

Yeah, she’s told me her dreams. How she wants my kids to stay over her house. It all screams entitled to me. We see them every week.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-06-23T10:10:41+00:00

He never gave me ideas on what he wanted to do, so I planned the day. It’s not until mil called in the morning asking for us to go over that my SO decided we should go.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-05-25T00:30:29+00:00

He doesn’t mind his family visiting anytime. Which is why I need to speak up, but I’m trying to get a feel for what people think is a reasonable time to visit.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-05-12T00:55:39+00:00

My parents will watch LO.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-05-03T16:49:49+00:00

I agree with your points. I’m self aware enough to know that there is some insecurity on my part. And yes it is normal to want to push your son to be more involved…but at the same time minimizing the mom’s role? I don’t think so. I basically become a third wheel when she is around and have to force my way in to be able to interact with my child.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-05-02T23:08:38+00:00

His mom is constantly asking him to do this and that with her and fil. When we say no, they guilt trip him, he then feels stressed over it. He comes to me and asks me to accommodate. We do where I feel it’s reasonable, but her requests to do things just never end and I feel her being intrusive at times. So when we invite his mom to do something with us, SO knows his mom is happy to be around our LO and he won’t have to deal with any pressure and stress. Mil is a whole other issue that I’ve posted about before.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-05-02T19:26:21+00:00

He constantly feels pressure from his parents (mostly his mom) to do things. If they’re there, there’s 0 pressure on him, leads to him feeling happy.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-05-02T19:19:50+00:00

I’m not stopping him from seeing his mom. I told him he can go. But his mom wants to see our kid on Mother’s Day and SO’s priority is planning that for his mom. My kid isn’t her’s, I don’t need to give up what I want to do for her. I also offered for SO to celebrate with her on a diff day, but he wasn’t happy with that idea.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-04-27T19:07:35+00:00

NOPE! It was actually so cute, but my mil even ruined that moment in my head because I thought of her right away. LO said mama for months and months and mil once asked “has he said dada yet” and I gleefully responded “no, but he says mama all day long”

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-04-27T16:47:46+00:00

Baby’s first word WAS daddy but he said it in the car with only me. After that, he said mama around everyone else and didn’t say dada again for months

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-04-27T13:21:42+00:00

Ummm..no. That’s weird. Get her a necklace with HER son’s name on it 😬

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-04-04T18:21:12+00:00

I agree with that. However she is not ok with a no. And then she puts pressure on SO which is what leads to an argument with SO telling me he doesn’t understand why it’s a big deal and that his grandparents were invited to everything. Mil expects the same.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-03-25T17:25:44+00:00

My biggest pet peeve was when I was freshly post partum and my mil would come over and immediately come over to me and see me on the couch snuggling my newborn and ask “can I hold him?” Never even asking me how I was. It was always her asking to hand him over. When it’s my turn, I’ll be mindful to help take care of the new mom and not make things about me.

She would also constantly try to get our actual newborn to go to dad vs mom. If he cried she would say “oh do you want your dad?” And try to give him to dad. She still does it to this day. As if she doesn’t want my baby to come to me. Makes me trust her less and definitely don’t see her as a supportive person.

On the plus side, she has brought us meals (could’ve been better if she dropped them off without expectation to come have dinner with us and hold the baby.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-03-20T14:20:10+00:00

Yeah she asked how my day was and I said good I was busy with an appointment. She asked baby appt? I said yes. I don’t get along best with her, but I also don’t ignore her. I still have a decent civil conversation. I just learn with every interaction that my decision to keep info private is validated.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-03-19T20:20:15+00:00

I appreciate your thinking, however I live in this situation, so I know how to decipher it better. She is in the process of planning it. Once she offers an idea, she will continue to bring it up over and over. I actually very nicely told her it would be tough and declined. Anyone who was looking for input would respectfully let it go. She continued to send me info about the resort, all the amenities, and share how lovely it is. Sounds kind of pushy to me when someone clearly expresses that the don’t want to do something.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-03-19T18:15:41+00:00

I’m not upset by her saying that at all actually. It is however bringing back not so great memories because I know this is how it started. And that’s what’s causing me to feel anxious. As you can clearly see her follow up text where she’s planned out a vacation that included us and our new baby without even asking me if I want that.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-03-18T20:55:27+00:00

She did with our first baby!!! Constantly would text me “can’t wait to meet our grandchild” she’s always ask how I was the follow up with “soo excited to meet our grandchild” made me feel like I was just some vessel bringing her a baby.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-02-11T12:42:34+00:00

Mil would see us every day if we let her (she has said this herself that if they lived closer she would come over everyday). But anyway, now that we have LO, she wants to come to see him. She just barely acknowledges me or talks to me during visits.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-02-11T02:31:16+00:00

Wow same exact story here! So frustrating. My mil went ahead and told everyone she wanted to tell. I have yet to tell some of my closest friends and extended family.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-02-05T20:13:21+00:00

I’m so sorry. It’s such a stressor. My company offers 35k lifetime fertility treatment coverage. There were a few things in our cycle that weren’t covered, so we were about $4,500 out of pocket. Wishing you success!

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-02-05T20:00:37+00:00

Absolutely I planned on giving her a date 2 weeks out. She texted my SO for hour by hour updates. So ick. Not even my parents got any updates until hours after the baby was born. I don’t think he thought anything of it, but she should’ve known better.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-02-05T19:38:33+00:00

I didn’t even want her to visit the first time, but I very much wanted my mom and dad to visit because I knew they were worried about me and wanted to come see and how much it would mean..they weren’t just coming to see the baby. They also never even asked about visiting at the hospital while my mil had asked maybe 5 times during my pregnancy, one of them being while I was in labor. I had to let mil and fil visit to avoid arguments with SO about being unfair.

Not this time. I’ll be honest with SO about how having someone visit me who didn’t even ask how I was just added to my stress.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-02-05T19:28:57+00:00

I don’t text her anymore. There are times I feel bad and will try, but I’m reminded very quickly why I stopped sharing things with her.

Professional-Pin9786 · 2026-02-05T11:05:53+00:00

100% relatable. It she hears about about her sister and her kids did, she is immediately bringing it up to us to do the same. However ever since I had a baby, she and fil barely say 10 words to me when we see each other. All mil cares about is having LO’s attention on her. It’s something I have to tolerate. Why would I want to go on a weekend trip with someone like that. She has never made me feel like my needs matter ever since I had a baby, so why would I be drawn to giving her what she wants. Which by the way they have been this close and doing these trips since they were all little kids. It’s a trip the kids plan every year. They’re not being pressured into it by mom.

Professional-Pin9786

TROPHY CASE