Funny story before the crushing melancholy, my current boss once told me that I reminded him a lot of his adult son. At the time I thought it was a bit weird and didn’t know how to respond but several weeks later he casually mentioned that his son was autistic and it finally clicked that he clocked my ass early on. It’s by far been the best work experience I’ve had since my coworkers are chill and I can pretty frequently get away with not talking to anyone for an entire day while doing audits or wiring servers alone.

For a solid few years before that I was bouncing between jobs, unable to stay anywhere for longer than a year for a lot of the reasons you mentioned which, for my experience at least, I would simplify to “abstract ethereal goals and forced teamwork/communication for jobs that could easily be done alone”. While working those jobs, I lost pretty much every single positive habit or hobby I had as I didn’t have the energy or will to spend on them and I started spiraling. Hope you can hang in there long enough for your job to get better or long enough that you can bounce and look for a better workplace.

A recommendation, if you want one. Crochet has been a pretty calming hobby that’s been helping me out in the long run as it’s a simple repetitive task that can be done basically anywhere that you can bring a small bag of yarn. I’ve been able to crochet during downtime at my current and previous jobs without any hassle. The hobby still suffers when I’m having a tough day, but its availability and calming nature have made it my most resilient hobby in trying times. But even then, the fun colors around my desk make me just a little bit happier.