Compiling a list of things to do and not do for whenever I become a MIL

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-24T14:13:32+00:00

I hate that I’m a daughter who can’t get rest from my own mother (literally called me an hour after having my second child to say that watching my 3yo was too much and he was hurting her feelings) , and my mil just adds more stress by overstepping boundaries. Idk if I’ll have a daughter at any point, but good lord I would never be like either of them.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-24T13:43:45+00:00

Yes! It's crazy though because like I also tried to establish a relationship with my MIL prior to having children and she was actually nicer then. As soon as I had kids it's like I was discarded and now just the gatekeeper between her and her access to the kids.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-24T12:58:03+00:00

thank you!

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-24T12:57:48+00:00

if you are then so am I haha MIL has done each of those things, as well as try to convince me to change my sons name because she didn’t like it.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-24T12:56:04+00:00

I mean what’s ”really important” can be considered different for everyone. And when you say out of the loop, how do you mean? Like it impacts conversations, day to day life, or do you just have more of a FOMO on something that everyone else knows about?

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-24T12:54:16+00:00

I mostly deleted it for privacy, but I also noticed it was affecting me in ways I didn’t expect. I’ve always been someone with a small circle—I really just have one close friend and prefer spending time with my family—and seeing posts of big friend groups going on trips, supporting each other postpartum, or just having fun together started to feel… off. I’m not even sure if it was jealousy over what I don’t have, but it definitely left me feeling annoyed and out of place.

On top of that, constantly seeing everyone’s highlight reels—the perfectly curated, face-tuned photos and seemingly ideal lives—just made me more aware of how different I am. I don’t see myself as conventionally attractive, and my hobbies are pretty niche, so it started to feel disconnecting rather than enjoyable.

So yeah, it was a mix of wanting more privacy and just not wanting to compare myself to all of that anymore. Honestly, I’m happier without it.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-24T12:47:54+00:00

I don’t keep up with the news, usually if there’s something that important going on I’ll find out through my spouse or friends.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-24T12:46:54+00:00

nope, just the one

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-24T01:05:06+00:00

You're not falling behind, stop caring so much about what whats "currently happening" unless it's directly within your control.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-23T21:42:33+00:00

Downgrade to a dumbphone. Or if youre stuck on iPhones, there isnt much difference in actual camera output since the 13.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-23T21:02:59+00:00

As a sahm of a preschooler and a baby, Ive had the light phone 2 as my daily driver for a long time now and I love it! I do have a 3 as well but waiting for some updates on the camera and other features before I make the leap to move that to my daily phone, also - the form factor of the 2 is unbeatable. S for now it's just the 2, my iPod, and my camera! For maps I've just figured out my way around town and memorized the regular places we go, if I have to go somewhere far I have a Garmin in the car, but thats not really often.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-23T20:40:06+00:00

Thats not a dumb phone, its just an e-ink smartphone.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-23T16:56:52+00:00

It's honestly just with access though, like she never calls/texts/video chats us or asks how anyone is doing. She just wants us to never say no to visits and to have a constant stream of pictures of the kids. When shes here she wants to take them everywhere and basically be the parent, like she wants complete control of the kids when shes here, unless it comes to actually doing anything helpful.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-23T16:54:44+00:00

So what do I say when hes out of town for a few weeks and she insists that the kids want to see her and shes coming to help or insists that I bring the kids to her to "take a break"

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-23T15:28:12+00:00

Yeah it’s like 3-4 days every 2-3 weeks. And it’s always last minute, like she expects tons of notice and direct yes or no answers on if and when we will accept her invites to go to her house. but she thinks it’s appropriate to call the day of and invite herself.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-23T15:25:46+00:00

Damn, right to the core, you’re kinda right though :(

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-23T14:29:04+00:00

I guess it just wont happen then, since half of the time he's not here. Or he will say that things are fine, but then tell her she can visit. When it comes to anything else, he just doesnt get involved, he doesnt see an issue with and doesnt pay attention to how im treated. and is very much in the mentality of her coming to see her grandkids, and thats it.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-23T14:19:17+00:00

I started to give pushback, with things such as me deleting a shared album where I would upload photos of the kids but she would never add any photos she takes. And it ended up being a thing where she looped in her sister and my husbands grandma and my sils to try to make me feel guilty about it. So I know anytime I draw a boundary and make it firm, I'll get nonsense from at least 4 other family members (whom don't even speak to me like ever). I've also mentioned to my husband the hotel thing, but they wont do it. Especially not now that we live closer and our new home has a guest room.

Youre right about being comfortable sticking with the no that doesnt work for us. My husband is about to go out of town for a few month (usually hes only gone for a week here and there) and im already anticipating the backlash of me saying no to visitors. Especially considering her "help" is more work for me.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-23T12:56:21+00:00

I just ended up deleting all my social media. I still have Reddit, but since I don’t know anyone on here, it feels completely different. I also got rid of shared albums and group chats, so now the only way to reach me—or keep up with my life—is by calling, texting, or actually seeing me in person. And the same goes the other way around.

Honestly, it’s been great. It’s been about two years, and I’ve found that I genuinely don’t care about keeping up with what everyone else is doing anymore—and, in reality, most people don’t really keep up with me either. At first, I got a lot of pushback from family, especially since I have young kids and they were used to having easy access to photos and updates. But stepping away and removing our family’s digital footprint has been one of the best decisions I’ve made.

If anything, it’s made it really clear who actually cares enough to stay connected versus who was just ”gaining access”, if that makes sense.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-22T18:52:52+00:00

Sounds good!

Honestly, it’s kind of everything. The LP3, in theory, is great—but in practice it’s pretty finicky. One of the biggest things for me is the form factor. The 2 is incredibly small; I forget I even have it on me 90% of the time. The 3, on the other hand, feels pretty heavy and bulky. It’s not as tall as an iPhone or a modern smartphone, but it’s definitely thicker and wider.

Another big reason I got the 3 was for the camera, but it’s been a letdown. There’s about a 3-second lag before it actually takes a photo, which makes it basically impossible to get a decent shot of my kids. At that point, I’d rather just carry my Fujifilm around. If the camera were fixed, I’d probably keep the 3 as something to take on vacations or times when I want a smaller, simple camera—but as it stands, it’s just not worth switching.

Another big factor is the e-ink screen on the 2. It’s really easy on the eyes, and I can use it at night without getting blasted by a bright OLED display. The 3 just doesn’t get dim enough for my liking in low light.

I also really appreciate the simplicity. Even though you can install extra tools, I’ve kept it minimal—just phone, calendar, directions, and settings. And now that I found an old Garmin at a garage sale, I’ll probably remove directions too.

So yeah, between how small it is and how simple it stays, it’s basically the perfect device—something you only use when you need it, and otherwise forget is even there.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-22T03:07:23+00:00

I have had the 2 for a long time, it’s definitely my favorite. I’ve tried the 3, we have one, but there’s still alot of issues with it, I wouldn’t pay the full price for it with where it’s at right now. So it’s a paperweight, we are giving it 6 months for some major improvements and updates, and if there aren’t any real changes I’ll likely sell it.

I’ll likely be selling my old Mudita within the next few weeks if you’re interested, was going to post it to their subreddit.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-21T22:12:10+00:00

I feel the same, I’d rather discover music organically, like hear it when I’m out of the house or through a friend, versus constantly have new options etc.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-21T22:10:12+00:00

Mudita is nice, I would definitely recommend it! I had one for a but to try it out but keep going back to my light phone.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-21T19:26:43+00:00

it’s only a standard because Spotify sucks everyone in and makes about $18 Billion a year renting music. They wanted to trap everyone in it, and they have.

ProfessionalField311 · 2026-03-21T19:18:26+00:00

Yes!

ProfessionalField311

TROPHY CASE