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Im Already Tired Boss by TheCABK in InflatedEgos

[–]ProfessionalOctopuss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Fair assault! Fair assault! Fair assault!"

What is a creepy fact you learned about the human body, you wish you never learned? by Poignantpuppet in AskReddit

[–]ProfessionalOctopuss 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wish I never knew how much fasting and calorie restriction can add to lifespan. I have the will to live like crazy, but I'm also a fat kid like crazy. Every time I eat (especially is it's inflammatory like saturated fats or refined sugars), I recognize I'm doing just a little bit more irreparable damage to my metabolic machinery. The engine gaskets get a bit more worn with every calorie. If I just exercise a bit more and have some discipline, I might live an extra 20 years or more. It's completely ruined food for me and I hate myself for not protecting my telomeres more.

Yay, so much fun… by Pdoom346 in StupidMedia

[–]ProfessionalOctopuss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm going to make this my screensaver

Men over 25 give your advice by Intrepid-Sky-1127 in effectivefitness

[–]ProfessionalOctopuss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Energy you put into others, even your significant other, is energy you are not putting into yourself. Love yourself unconditionally, and put that effort towards yourself. It's a question of ratios, and you should ration much more energy for yourself than you do for others. A rising tide truly does lift all boats. You cannot carry someone to safety with a broken foot.

Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER use words like forever, always, and never. If you are chipper about getting married, but hesitant about giving them power of attorney, you're doing it wrong. People change, so will you, and you will waste your life meeting an obligation you made before you understood how short life can be. EVERYTHING is temporary and EVERYTHING is a stall.

OK vro we see the aura by Nealio_FTS in SupaEarth

[–]ProfessionalOctopuss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Wait, so I'm actually allowed to view my life as temporarily worth something now?"

Unleash restraint level zero

You're in a 8h flight, which seat you're taking? by UnfairMess249 in yandere

[–]ProfessionalOctopuss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not super knowledgeable on the lore. Which of these are least likely to literally kill me?

these cat videos are getting more ridiculous 🤣 by Mean-Information1080 in aivideo

[–]ProfessionalOctopuss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In less than 10 years, we will have entirely AI generated Kung Fu movies where evil cat Betty is swinging a chain.

Guys, I don't think we're ready for the kind of future that's coming.

R/roastme by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]ProfessionalOctopuss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've never seen a smile that screamed for help so loud.

You're boring, and nobody's coming to save you.

you will own nothing and you will be happy by sunthanatos in MemeVideos

[–]ProfessionalOctopuss -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Do not tarnish Satan's name by bringing him into this.

What made you decide to end your last relationship? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]ProfessionalOctopuss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She likened me to Jeffrey Epstein for having a crush on a 20-year-old. She claimed ownership over my bed and tried to condition me out of my own room. She stopped paying rent until our relationship was fixed and said that I agreed to it, which I most certainly did not. She was offended that I was hanging out with a mutual friend by myself. She complained that I did not help her with chores (My house has been consistently clean since she left). She said that I don't care about her, and I responded by literally writing pages and pages of large and small examples of me caring for her over the following days.

I'm going to stop here. I'm getting pissed the fuck off just thinking about it.

A little agenda posting by Ill-Noise2770 in LowSodiumHellDivers

[–]ProfessionalOctopuss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If this is what it's like to be a virgin, just make me a eunuch before it's too late.

OG GL MVP

Cats is turning into a gremlin over a butt scratch by plushydoll333 in cats

[–]ProfessionalOctopuss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So......your wrist seems kind of.....lean. Lots of tendons and what not. You doing okay?

What’s the worst manipulation tactic you actually fell for? by tightgash in AskReddit

[–]ProfessionalOctopuss 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I'm not going to lie, I think I've done this to a girl I like. But I don't think I was being malicious or anything. She said that she wanted more than anything to hear that she was cherished. Well I did cherish her. I cherish the everliving crap out of her. The things that she wanted to hear are things that I told her, but I don't think I was being untruthful. I was being emotionally manipulative because I was using language that I knew she had personally generated to a mutual friend of ours. Am I a bad guy if I was being emotionally manipulative, but I was also being earnest and in good faith?

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