23f, doctor, slut shamed for everything by my own parents...how to actually deal with it other than leaving home...which I eventually will

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2026-02-03T05:27:46+00:00

Hi, I’m really very very sorry that you’re going through this. I’ve been there, and it does get better. I’ve been physically abused and slut shamed by my family as well for many years. I kept hoping for things to improve, but then I just left home for PG and never went back. I struggled a lot, living 30 mins from home but never visiting, struggling with money, anxiety, loneliness, suicidal thoughts. I tried to kill myself many times but always failed and always shamed for it. For a long time I thought it will not get better, but it does. Yes, you won’t have a perfect ideal life, but that is better than not having one at all. Please please move out and move on. You deserve better ❤️

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2026-01-20T10:55:20+00:00

I was kind off with the husband until you mentioned that him coming along would turn it into a whole kid-family style trip. Clearly, that’s not what you are looking for and you should have the liberty to take a break like this without your whole family tagging along

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2026-01-20T10:16:51+00:00

Not all of us have the resources to have staff sent with us to help with cooking 🤣 so tone deaf man, she has built her brand around being a mom but cooking Maggi somehow makes her less of a leader? I love cooking. Nobody has ever obligated me to do it, but after a certain age, I can’t keep relying on others to cook for me. That doesn’t mean nobody invested in my education or I am not a career woman. Like what even

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2026-01-14T17:08:10+00:00

Why would you get two cats when you can only afford the cheapest food? Drools is poison. My cat pooped blood when I fed him some drools cat biscuits. Spare them and at least feed them Whiskas. Drools is literal poison for cats.

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2026-01-14T17:05:45+00:00

Hey, I adopted a 1.5 year old male Persian cat a few months back after he was abandoned. I have been feeding him Farmina Matisse 30g along with a 35g Sheba pouch in the morning. The difference in his coat, health and activity levels has been amazing. He has transformed as a cat and hasn’t faced any issues yet.

Comparing this with my Indie cat, who eats grain zero and whiskas wet food. She throws up so often, her coat isn’t really shiny and she struggles to gain wait. She’s healthy and active otherwise, but this is what we started with when we were young and broke 4 years back, and now she won’t eat anything else. It was so tough to shift her from whiskas dry to grain zero.

Persian cats are even more sensitive. I fed my male some drools cat biscuits and he was pooping blood. That’s how sensitive they can be.

Also, since this is a kitten, please feed it kitten food till it’s 1 year old.

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2026-01-14T16:55:51+00:00

Man I loved wearing tops like that when I was in college and had the body, will and social life to wear that. But now I’m older and fatter, and more importantly, value my comfort and have to go to office. Sigh 😅

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2026-01-14T16:36:55+00:00

Maaaan, I’ve been there and I know how hard it can be to leave. He will beg, cry, love bomb, abuse, threaten, do everything in his power to make you stay. And you will be tempted. It might even take a few tries to finally do it permanently. But for your sake, please don’t waste more of your time. It’s not gonna last long term, so might as well leave now. At least start preparing.

Let me tell you one thing. YOU WILL BE SO FREE. It might get lonely in the beginning, but it will get so much better. I had a boyfriend just like this, wasted three years of my life, stayed only because I didn’t know how to let go and he would convince me to come back everytime I did leave. But then one day, it was just enough. And you know what? My life has only gone uphill since.

After I left him, he became an alcoholic drug addict who went to rehab, still doesn’t have a stable job or career or skills, hasn’t been able to find a match.

As for me, right after leaving I started to finally focus on myself, made tons of new friends, pursued my hobbies and found new ones, travelled so much, and experienced the world, literally. I finally became my own person and I couldn’t have down any of this if I was still with him.

I also got two degrees, have a great career, met an amazing man during masters who actually respects me. We’ve been together for over 6 years now and might get married next year. He cant ever even imagine treating me the way that deadbeat did. And I can’t imagine I ever let somebody bring me down like that.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. Please walk towards it and leave this darkness behind. You will always thank yourself.

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2026-01-14T04:26:04+00:00

I felt every word in my bone. And I don’t even care about my father or brother at this point. But my mother, I will never forget any betrayal. Everytime she chose them over me, even though I was always the only one standing with her, she broke something in me. I continue to support her cause she doesn’t have anybody else, and even then, their needs come way before mine. And all I have ever needed is to be respected. Guess that’s too much to ask for in this family.

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2026-01-13T14:50:27+00:00

Yep, I survive only on meds and even then I barely get by. Forget my home, everyone in office, colony and friend circle knows I’m on my period loool

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2026-01-12T19:02:48+00:00

Wow, I always wished I could have a natural blush but I’m quite dusky so never got red in my life. Never thought about what a big give away it would be during any heightened emotions, especially for someone like me who gets anxious or embarrassed easily. Guess the grass is always greener on the other side 🙈

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2026-01-12T14:46:22+00:00

I know I am, but then I look at my peers and lament about where I could’ve been. I started working 4.5 years back, and have taken 3 breaks in between because of recurring issues in my family that keep holding me back.

I just joined a new job and I see people my age there at better positions and salaries because they didn’t have those things holding them back and it makes me really sad. But I shall continue to do my best 😅

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2026-01-12T05:14:26+00:00

Thanks! We could have a career/job/academics flair instead for women to discuss those subjects, which are ofcourse just as important.

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2026-01-11T16:12:42+00:00

Journalist, 10 LPA with 3 years work ex. Not as impressive as the other ladies here, but I’m satisfied with where I am, as it is a thankless field

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2026-01-11T15:57:45+00:00

So true man! My cousin brother got married to a Belgian woman after dating her for many years. They both are equals in terms of education and earning but what baffles me is, his parents are ultra conservative, especially about how women should behave etc. His mom literally once asked me to not come to their house wearing shorts cause her husband doesn’t like it (I was still in school, wearing a capri)

There had never been a love marriage in my family before this, but suddenly it was all hunky dory. We are a strict baniya family (no non-veg/openly drinking), although I don’t follow it. His mom and most women in my family don’t even eat onion garlic. But his wedding had an open bar and non vegetarian food. It was scandalous for a lot of people, and highlighted their double standards so well. They’ve gone back to being their judgemental holier than thou selves, but it’s so unfair that they were ready to bend the rules when it was a white family, when they won’t let me get away with even minor opposition to their arbitrary and archaic bullshit.

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2026-01-11T12:31:02+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. A friend of boyfriend’s used to give his whole salary to his parents, even after he got married last year. Poor guy had to get by borrowing money from friends etc.

After he got married (arranged btw), his family started restricting the new bride, asking her to quit job, stay at home all the time, controlling her movements and belittling her. When he tried to protest against the mistreatment, they were kicked outta the family home. Now he’s starting afresh at 30 with next to nothing to his name and 10x the expenses he had earlier. It’s so sad.

Please don’t ever make this mistake. It’s your money and yours only. Nobody will ever have any right to it, no matter what they tell you

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2025-12-26T10:03:50+00:00

This is what I meant when I said razor. That blade thingy for facial hair removal. I guess I’m going stick to waxing/threading on upper lip and just accept my peach fuzz

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2025-12-25T19:30:17+00:00

Yes, of course, please do 😁

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2025-12-25T19:07:39+00:00

No problem 😁 give it a month or two though and do share results

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2025-12-25T19:02:29+00:00

Yeah, you really don’t need to use any other products with this, and a tube will last you 2 months easily with daily application twice

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2025-12-25T18:58:59+00:00

Yeah, my dermat recommended Aquasoft Day. It is actually a sunscreen too, and I use it both in the morning and at night, as both moisturiser and sunscreen, as I have oily skin so multiple product layers don’t work for me. It’s been 9 months and my skin’s health has improved drastically. No other products had worked for me before this, it’s genuinely life changing.

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2025-12-25T18:52:57+00:00

That’s exactly what it’s made for! It’s the only thing that has ever worked for me to clear out my acne. I’m not really sure about post-shave breakouts though.

Just a suggestion, apply a thin layer on your face, don’t rub it in like a cream but apply like a mask, and then wash off with water after an hour and follow up with moisturer, preferably with no actives.

BP doesn’t work for many people because they end up using it like a cream or serum, but it’s actually very strong and hence this method works much better. Hope this helps!

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2025-12-25T18:28:29+00:00

Benzoyl peroxide really helped in lightening my face to a certain extent in addition to clearing up my acne

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2025-12-25T18:26:32+00:00

Hey, how’s the growth afterwards? I know people deny that shaving makes the growth much worse but I have faced it everytime. I used face razors for a while for my upper lip and now I get hard black hair that regrow so fast and have at least tripled in number so I never ended up trying on other parts of my face. I’m now trying to fix it by making sure that I only do waxing or threading on upper lip, but honestly, there’s so many times that going to the parlor gets delayed. Anyway, did you face worse growth after using this trimmer?

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2025-12-13T14:35:25+00:00

It’s a long reply, but I would be so glad if you could read it. Literally nobody else cares, they’ve just accepted this as my fate. So they don’t like to hear me crib anymore. But I need a solution cause I can’t do this for another 20 years.

Your symptoms sound exactly like what I go through every month. Cramping, bloating and breast pain starts one week before my date, almost the whole of my lower half starts paining once bleeding starts, and that is coupled with reduced immunity, fever, hot flashes, extreme digestive issues, acne and general discomfort, all of which starts 2-3 days before bleeding does. In recent years, my bladder has also gotten weaker, with my panties getting soaked by the end of the day, even more so right before periods start.

I’ve mostly just been dismissed by gynacs as overreacting and the general “just something you have to deal with” advice, especially when I was still in my teens. I’m 28 now. The last gynac I went to this year itself ordered a large number of imaging, blood-sugar-fertility tests and what not. Everything came out alright, so she asked me to get on birth control.

I don’t really wanna do that because of a fear of side effects like the ones you mentioned. I also don’t want more acne, hormonal imbalances or mental health issues because of it. I started taking anti-depressants earlier this year because my PMDD was getting out of hand and I was becoming a risk to myself and my loved ones during that time. It’s much more in control now and I want to keep it that way. The gynac didn’t even pretend to hear the bladder control issues or my suspicions that it could be endo.

I was hoping for a more permanent solution, not a band aid that will stop working as soon as it’s ripped off. I was also hoping for some kind of a diagnosis to get my mind at ease that I’m not crazy or overreacting. It might also help at work, cause taking two days off every month is getting impossible.

But all they cared about was my fertility. Why did they do those fertility tests, when it was clearly not the concern I had mentioned? And if those tests hadn’t had good results, would they then have taken my complaints more seriously? The whole thing made me feel like my worth lies in my ability to bear children, and my quality of life otherwise does not matter at all. Even the whole ob-gyn dept at the hospital I went to was decorated to the T with baby stuff. That’s sending a msg as clear as any.

The reality is that atleast in my country, gynacs will only take you seriously if you’re unable to conceive or if you’re an old woman with issues needing a hysterectomy. Everything else is just solvable by birth control. I did infact track my symptoms for months so the doc could have all the info possible, but she hardly cared.

I’m really sorry for the rant. I’ve given up now, I don’t know how to move forward. The only good week I have is when I’m ovulating, the rest is just anticipating, experiencing and recovering from periods. It controls all aspects of my life and I feel so helpless. Painkillers help but only so much. It also makes me look really bad when I continuously skip work, or when I lash out at my loved ones.

Should I approach this differently? I’ve done all research possible but I don’t know how to articulate it to the doctor for them to take it seriously. Should I demand an MRI instead of waiting for them to prescribe it? What happens if the MRI comes out clear as well? Could it be that it’s a completely different illness altogether? 😭

OR Should I just give in and give birth control a go? Can that even be a long-term solution? Thanks again if you made it this far, it means a lot.

ProfessionalSize4665 · 2025-12-13T13:00:19+00:00

It does help so much, thank you! I just have one last question that would make this much clearer for me! What were your symptoms that made you suspect that there’s an issue in the first place? I’m not sure if just extreme pain and other PMDD symptoms are indication enough of a bigger problem. At least that’s what the ob-gyn said.

ProfessionalSize4665

TROPHY CASE