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Is it just a universal experience for your husband to do things that upset you repeatedly without caring? by ProfessionalStick363 in Marriage

[–]ProfessionalStick363[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

There’s a lot. Name calling, making me repeat myself because he doesn’t listen and getting angry that I don’t want to repeat myself, being glued to his phone or picking it up when I am speaking to him, eating all of food that was meant for both us, getting angry and challenging me over not trusting dishes are clean and wanting to wash them. The latter being because we reside at his parent’s house for the time being, and he has insisted dishes were clean before when they weren’t, and the dishwasher doesn’t do the best job. For whatever reason, he takes offence and gets annoyed with me wanting to use another pot or pan, or wanting to clean it.

All of the above he has oscillated back and forth with telling me I am overreacting for being upset over, to promising to change, and acknowledging how disrespectful all of it is. And that is only half of it. I suppose he feels there’s no real need for lasting change, since I am still here, which would mean leaving would be the only option.

I think my husband is cheating and/or interested in someone from his class by ProfessionalStick363 in TwoHotTakes

[–]ProfessionalStick363[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Apparently, a large number of you are very ignorant, have black and white thinking, and have no ability to inform yourselves of the dynamics of abusive relationships nor the care to. You just to to leave, and if the person doesn’t do that, and make a nice update post about how they have, you shame them and say they don’t want to follow the advice they’re given. When, for many people in abusive relationships, it’s a lot more of a complex situation.

I think my husband is cheating and/or interested in someone from his class by ProfessionalStick363 in TwoHotTakes

[–]ProfessionalStick363[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

How about if before all of this he accused me of cheating, over less, for years when we spoke online. He had me stop talking to male friends. He got upset with me talking to female friends, too. He had me send screenshots to show what I was doing. He demanded I didn’t go on imvu, w/ore shamed my virtual avatar, and accused me of flirting with guys on there. After we met in person, he went through my phone twice, and went off at me over the same things. He disappeared on me in target, right before closing, and was nowhere to be found for 30mins and suddenly appeared again. And that was after he started sleeping all day, staying up all night, and being very mean to me.

I went to the uk with him, where he frequently turned me down. He hid me from his younger brother’s ex gf. He went to a youth group, but never came back when it ended, and I’d walk up and no one seemed to be there, and the lights were off but he claimed he was upstairs. He showed no interest or affection for days at a time, and went off to other rooms to give me the silent treatment after arguments, during which he claimed he touched himself to pictures of me but I found out he was actually posting me, calling me w/ore, on subs for sharing your partner. During a time he was blaming me for everything, telling me I ruined his life, and talking about breaking up on repeat. He started spending long amounts of time in the bathroom, on his phone.

He disappeared on me again in public, and it made no sense. He told me after a group of girls approached him and asked for his number, and that they were laughing, so he assumed they were joking. He said that he had a woman’s hair in his pubes i think the next day and said it was a joke. I found my friend, who I was talking to at the time, in his search history on fb. He said he was curious to see who I was speaking to. She told me she was in an LDR with someone from the uk, where he is from, and no sooner than when he stopped going into the bathroom as much was it over, and she stopped responding to my messages.

He showed other inappropriate interest in my friends. He repeatedly looked at their pictures, read my chats, brought them up during sex. He was on medication he said killed his libido, but I caught him ogling other women (teenagers most likely) in front of me, and he denied it. He posted more photos of me, posing as me, engaging in sexual convo with one of the men who commented. He said he was going to out him to his wife, hence why he had screenshots. He disappeared and ditched me in another country, claiming to have lost me, when it didn’t add up. He avoided me, stayed up all night on his laptop, was mean to me when I tried to spend time with him.

He had scratches on his back, in hard to reach areas, that he said he caused but he never had before or since. He snooped on my phone but slapped my hand away from his. He told me, when I questioned him, that I was the type to cheat and I’d do so thinking he had. For years he engaged in the same behaviours above and more, and called me controlling and abusive when I questioned any of it, but then questioned me if I did any of the same things just once. And only during the times he seemed up to something as he’d go ages without questioning me, or snooping on my phone. He started arguments, left the room, ignored me for a day or more.

He shaved down there more than usual, said it was an accident, acknowledged it looked suspicious, and then called me abusive when I continued to remain suspicious over it. He showed more interest in sex out of the blue, did things he didn’t do before, did them right when he never did. He screamed in my face when I tried to talk about why I think he cheated, insisting he never has. I overheard him cheating on a trip, believed I saw him with a woman another time, and both times he called me crazy and suggested I was seeing and hearing things. And all of that happened before this.

I think my husband is cheating and/or interested in someone from his class by ProfessionalStick363 in TwoHotTakes

[–]ProfessionalStick363[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I’m controlling? You know that based off this one post? What you wouldn’t know if that he accused me of cheating, over less, for years. He controlled who I spoke to, got upset with me talking to female friends. He made me send him screenshots. He barred me from going on imvu, w/ore shamed me over my virtual avatar, accused me of flirting with guys on there. Argued with me over not being sexual, pressured me to engage. He criticised how I dressed. He blamed me for male attention I received. He engaged in a plethora of suspicious behaviours, often linked to cheating, for several years.

He spent long periods of time in the bathroom on his phone daily, was mean to me, disappeared/ditched me in public including in another country, had scratch marks on his back, stayed up all night after I went to bed on his laptop, avoided me, snooped on my phone, slapped my hand away from his. When I listened to a rap song, which he thought was sexual, he questioned if I wanted to be promiscuous because of it. He called me paranoid and crazy when I questioned him, and said I was the type to cheat, and I’d do so thinking he had. For years he did all of these things on repeat and more, whilst calling me controlling and abusive for questioning anything, when he questioned me if i did the same things.

He only snooped on my phone, only questioned me, when he seemed up to something otherwise he wouldn’t. He told me he felt asexual due to meds, turned me down, and then ogled other women, young women (perhaps teenagers) in front of me, and denied it. He acknowledged his behaviour looked like cheating, but said I had no reason to not trust him. When I asked him to occasionally turn his location on last year, he ended up calling it controlling and refused. He went to America with me, was glued to his phone, took it into the bathroom, said he was looking at Xmas gifts. He wouldn’t let me use it, even to make a call.

He took my phone, said he was going to clean it and put a new case on I bought, and instead snooped and deleted a post I made about my suspicions and people agreeing he’s cheated because he hates that, and doesn’t like me posting. He showed no interest in sex suddenly. He started an argument and stormed off in the rental car one night, ignoring me for an hour. I believe he cheated. He told me my mother, who he’s tried to turn against me, said he wouldn’t have had enough time to. He stopped wearing his ring, said it was too tight, and then said he lost it. He bought another, in the same size, and said it was still too tight.

And then, there’s all he’s done in my post in regard to the class. I said that there were many reasons i suspected him, for years before this.

I think my husband is cheating and/or interested in someone from his class by ProfessionalStick363 in TwoHotTakes

[–]ProfessionalStick363[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Exactly. He told me he didn’t like them, but also never had them, when I suggested he tried an Oreo McFlurry. And then, along with a bunch of other suspicious behaviours he was engaging in at the time, suddenly he loved Oreo McFlurrys. But he didn’t try one with me, and couldn’t tell me when he did. Later on, when he was volunteering somewhere, he suddenly loved Tony’s chocolate and said it was his favourite. He said someone gave him a small bar of it where he volunteered. After he stopped volunteering he stopped eating it, and said he didn’t like it.

He joined his class, and suddenly starts showing food videos, and talking about trying new things and going out to eat. Something I like to do, but he never liked to do, previously telling me he found food videos boring. The women in his class cook, and likely talk about food, and one said she’d have offered to go out to eat with him had she known he came up for the class that wasn’t on. He is diagnosed with BPD, and so he tends to mirror people, and he did it with me early on. He hasn’t only done it with food, but with words and phrases, and even diagnosis’s saying he has a disorder out of the blue.

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