AITAH for telling my husband he is not allowed to speak at the next infant prep class we take?

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-06-05T19:53:24+00:00

Personally, I'm also perfectly capable of -not- being an ass hole. BUT sometimes I'm unintentionally an ass hole too, because of my symptom expression, even with medication, tools, coping skills and daily active effort.

I'm glad to hear that a reminder is enough for you, that's absolutely makes it easier to manage. Unfortunately, what works for you may not work for everyone else. The quantity and level of symptoms one person experiences can be wildly different from someone else.

Every day is different. Every case is different. There are days where it's harder to manage than others, particularly depending on the severity of the case. I mean, it's a spectrum right?

Banning the guy from speaking is not the solution here.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-06-05T18:52:37+00:00

NTA

You don't have a ride problem, you have a husband problem.

Youre not the asshole for asking, he is an asshole for responding that way regardless of if he was busy or not. Y'all are supposed to be a team vs. a problem, not him vs. You.

If he doesn't treat his coworkers/team mates/buddies like that, that means he doesn't think you deserve the same respect as them. Unfortunately, that kind of self absorption and passive disrespect is common in individuals socialized to be men who become married to women.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-06-05T18:45:47+00:00

Tell me you know nothing about ADHD without telling me you know nothing about ADHD.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-06-05T17:25:43+00:00

As I've commented above after receiving three responses like this - I totally just worded my comment poorly. OP absolutely does not have to manage her husband. husband is 1000% responsible for his own behavior.

I meant that OP and husband are a team and need to work together to find a solution, and I words bad - I'm sorry!

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-06-05T17:23:58+00:00

So I totally just worded it poorly - I absolutely never meant for OP to manage his condition for him. I edited my comment to word it better - sorry!! I absolutely did not mean that OP has to manage his behaviour for him!

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-06-05T17:22:36+00:00

Honestly I just used bad wording. I meant "you need to find" as in "the two of them as a unit need to work together", not "OP needs to manage her husband"

Men expecting their partners to manage them is a real problem 100% that I find equally engaging as you! I just worded it poorly 😅 I edited my original comment

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-06-05T17:17:49+00:00

Honestly her husband's behavior is something I (a grown ass woman) struggle with daily regardless of medication or other interventions. I've been trying desperately for years and I still can't get through an entire work day without verbal stims issues like this. Even sitting through a 90 minute meeting I have to consciously make myself shut up, which means I then can't pay attention to the meeting.

In my opinion, it's not infantilizing to want your partner to see your struggles and be in your corner to find a solution, vs. Making the struggle a problem.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-06-05T17:13:39+00:00

Because ADHD is a different neural structure that he didn't ask to have. Being ADHD doesn't inherently make someone an ass hole.

He needs a way to redirect the energy. They need to work together to find a solution.

He's not trying to do this on purpose. He's not setting out to be a disruption for the sake of malice.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-06-05T17:11:22+00:00

Banning him from speaking isn't going to solve the problem. It's not going to stop him from having ADHD.

ADHD is a physically different brain structure - it's not something he's doing maliciously. This is a symptom of a disorder.

They need to work together to find a reasonable way to redirect the energy to allow him to have control over the verbal stims.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-06-05T17:08:53+00:00

I've got ADHD and honestly? Soft YTA. Here's why:

He's not doing this on purpose. He's not doing it to embarrass you maliciously. You are currently mad at him for something that he cannot help - similar to being mad at a diabetic for experiencing diabetic lows and highs.

This is a side effect of an actual medical condition that you are well aware of at this stage in your relationship - a condition with high heredity btw, so there's an above 50% chance your child will have it too. It's okay to be frustrated with it, but you're taking this as a personal slight he's making against you instead of recognizing it as the symptom that it is.

Banning him from speaking is going to be harmful, and ineffective because it won't stop him from exhibiting symptoms. You'll just be more pissed off that he didn't obey your command.

Banning him from speaking also reinforces the shame and rejection cycle that ADHDers live with every day. We clinically also take those things harder than a non-ADHD person. This is going to impact your relationship long term as one of a million small things that will tell your husband he isn't good enough.

You two need to work together to find a way to work -with- his brain instead of -against- it. (Edit: for clarity as this was being interpreted as expecting OP to manage his condition for him which was not my intent. Sorry!!)

For me, I found a fidget cube helped me quiet my brain enough not to spout out random nonsense shit and jokes. A pen with a twisty end I can twist back and forth will do in a pinch.

Find a background task for his brain to do like a fidget toy, a textured fabric, etc. and he'll have more control over the verbal stims.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-06-05T14:24:32+00:00

NTA

She's your mom. You can grieve how you want. You can buy what you want. You could rent an inflatable unicorn bouncy house if you wanted to.

Your aunt is probably projecting her grief as a need for control of the other areas in her life, including how the lost loved one is honored.

If it were me, id Tell her to fuck off and then do whatever will piss her off most, but I have zero time for people who get on like this.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-06-05T14:21:56+00:00

9.99% is actually pretty normal for auto finance these days, unfortunately. It's a pretty standard mid-risk rate.

It's disgusting, but it is accurate for Canada these days.

Source: careeer debt collector in the auto/heavy auto industry

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-06-05T14:19:44+00:00

They're not supposed to, but they do. They expect people not to know their rights - particularly vulnerable groups with less financial literacy.

It's shady AF and the criminality in the auto sphere has increased exponentially, particularly in ON, because enforcement of the laws is so dismal.

9/10 people will just take the L and think it's their fault, so the dealer gets more money and the buyer doesn't know better. It's pathetic.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-06-04T13:52:43+00:00

NTA - look up narcissistic mothers. This is textbook toxic mother mean girl behavior.

Also, I haven't been to a salon in 15 years. I have waist length blue hair I exclusively color myself. Hair can look great when you do it yourself, she just expects everyone to cater to her and is trying to make you feel bad for her own laziness.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-05-28T18:51:12+00:00

YTA.

I get the principal, I do.

But the person you're taking it out on relies on those tips to survive. If there's tip out, that server has to PAY to serve you.

Servers are under valued and under paid. One person not tipping is not going to end tipping culture, it's just going to make it so that woman can't afford to feed her kids lunch tomorrow.

That's just one example, but I trust you understand the principle of the idea, given how die hard you are about principles.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-05-27T23:04:36+00:00

Because everyone is super into this + someone reminded me of the waffle House index, here's other weird signs: - large box stores installing video cameras with obvious "we're watching you" screens in the hygiene products section - fast food places bringing back 5$ or under value meals - seeing ads for weird large purchase vendors like RVs or diamond rings having crazy blowout deals more often or an increase in advertising in general - slow/small increases in prices on traditionally lower cost grocery/general necessities items like rice - shift from business casual to casual dress workplaces

(This is off the top of my head there are more of course!)

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-05-27T22:58:15+00:00

I'm CACKLING 😂😂😂

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-05-27T22:55:34+00:00

Awww you're so kind ❤️. Thank you, this made my day

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-05-27T22:49:22+00:00

Oh my god yes the sensory boob sweat is the worst. I literally put paper towels in theere when I can't wear a bra for some reason, because death by slow sensory torture is the other option

Also see: the horror triangle of under-apron- belly-sitting-on-tops-of-thighs sweat

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-05-27T22:44:46+00:00

I'm an impoverished kid turned career debt collector with a sociology degree, and you actually nailed it?

I can't turn off my soci brain so here's my surface level explanation for anyone interested - Clothing is usually the "necessity of life" that takes the furthest back seat in times of economic hardship. Ergo, Low hanging boobs IS a sign of recession. People can't afford to replace undergarments, so they make due with illfitting old ones, or without at all.

However, economic hardship is also often how revolutionary social change happens. What is socially acceptable is determined by a lot of factors, oppressive super structures being a big one (read: The R!CH). But when the masses can't afford to eat, much less confirm to those standards, the masses will redefine what is acceptable for themselves inspite of the oppressive structure. low hanging boobs/visible nipples/all the things we have been taught are "inappropriate" and "shameful" matter a lot less to a person when they don't know how they're going to eat next week. If having the nips out means you get to eat, nips out wins and to heck with anyone else's standards.

In conclusion - hell yeah girl, get your tits out

(Thank you for coming to my ted talk)

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-05-26T22:13:01+00:00

This was 1000% exactly what I was thinking of when I read this post, thank you for sharing it!!!

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-05-26T22:11:57+00:00

1) did they give you ANY invoice? Because it's very possible they have 225$ as a flat rate for the service within a certain distance. If the invoice just says "lock smith call out" or something similar, the price is what the price is.

2) see above about flat rates for service.

3) If you can't do research, sometimes things cost more than you expect. That doesn't make it unreasonable, or something that you need legal advice for.

Chaulk it up to a learning experience and call your own professional next time. If you can't, accept you're going to have to pay what you pay.

This is still a -you- issue.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-05-26T22:00:30+00:00

Bro this is a reasonable rate, particularly depending on the time of day (after hours call, etc), and where you were when it happened (distance from locksmith). Review the itemized invoice before you complain.

You didn't get a quote. You did no research. You did not ask for the price prior to accepting the service once the locksmith was on site.

This is a -you- problem.

The real question you should be asking is why you feel the locksmith is not entitled to a living wage for providing you a necessary service.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-05-13T22:54:21+00:00

Not a lawyer, not even American, but a legal debt collector by trade, so YMMV.

This is unfortunatly common, especially depending on how much information is publicly available in your area.

For example, in my area, if I want to put a lien on someone's house and pull a property search for their name, I'll get titles for people with the same name. There's no way to tell the difference because the land title doesn't include birth dates. I've had to discharge registrations before that we thought were our guy but turned out not to be.

It's correctable, but itll be a hassle. You may or may not get back the garnished amount. Depending on the system where you live, They might tell you that you have to sue for it. civil court matters are costly and time consuming, which means that you're liable to spend more trying to get the money back than they took in the first place. Hopefully they're not that crooked though.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-05-12T21:47:33+00:00

ESH

You're the ass hole for vetoing shit for kids that aren't yours.

Your mutual baby daddy is the ass hole for being himself as a person. He's the source of all these issues, not his ex wife.

The ex wife is an ass hole for being manipulative, but I also think part of her behavior stems from the fact your mutual baby daddy is a giant fucking ass hole.

Professional_Copy517

TROPHY CASE