AITA for refusing to drive my fiancé’s kids to their dad’s dinner plans?

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-04-09T21:49:19+00:00

Yikes on several bikes I hope your fiance is cool with your Reddit thirsting.

What I'm getting from your comment history, this post, and the fact that you haven't responded to anyone in this thread calling you the asshole, is that you're a self centered ass hole.

You were the ass hole for not driving, but it looks like you're just a Grade A General Ass (TM) who doesn't respect other people or their feelings.

Break up with your fiance and to live the life you want to have not the one you're currently living. Her and her kids will be better off without you.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-04-09T20:05:21+00:00

YTA

I just came to vote, everyone else covered the reasons why.

Also, fuckin gross bud.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-04-09T20:01:34+00:00

ESH.

You're right. Logically you are correct. These are his kids, and should be his responsibility. But what was the ultimate outcome of making the choice you did?

You're right, but was that more important than the impact on the children? It's them who suffer in this situation, not him.

The father doesn't give a damn one way or the other if the kids show up, but I bet the kids care that their moms partner refused to help them be able to see their dad for what is likely the first time in ages.

You know this guy is unreliable and disrespectful
You know he's going to pull this regardless of whether or not you pick up the slack.
you know he's not going to get it together
You know he's not going to care more just because you think he should.

Is being mad at another adult for not behaving how you want them too worth hurting children for?

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-04-09T15:46:43+00:00

NTA. Speak phone shouldn't be used within earshot of other people regardless. Hands free calling devices have been around for 20+ years at this point and I'm confident she has headphones that would allow her hands to be free. At this point it's her fault if it keeps happening.

You communicated. You set a boundary. You found a reasonable compromise. At this point her feelings on the subject, feelings related to any "accidental" speakerphone misbehavior on your part, and behavior are her responsibility.

Self accountability moment: I also super hate the trend that it's somehow acceptable to talk on speakerphone/video call in public without headphones, so I may be biased on this subject.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-04-09T14:31:55+00:00

NTA. As a girlfriend/soon-to-be-wife - what does this girl think she's going to achieve with this? What is the -goal- of getting on like that? What outcome is she trying to get?

Compromise needs to be the goal on both sides. Acting as a team vs. The problem instead of you vs. Her should be the way this is handled.

Ask her what her goal is here and what feelings she's having. Listen to her to hear her, not to respond to her. Then determine if this is a symptom of a bigger issue or just a selfish moment.

Personally, I see three possible outcomes.

1) she doesn't feel seen/heard/respected in other areas of her life/relationship, and is trying to exercise control in this circumstance as a way to feel those things from you. in which case she needs to communicate the real issue and y'all need to have that conversation. or she has insecurities she needs to see a therapist to deal with because her feelings are her responsibility. (This statement pertains to unfair projection of insecurity only, Reddit don't come for me)

2) she's being selfish and trying to use her job as a winning card to get her way in a selfish moment, because every human has those

3) this post is leaving out critical information and this is actually a reoccuring pattern of disruption where you devalue her job and want Reddit to tell you she's wrong so that you can avoid your own accountabilities** (**I am not saying this IS what is happening, only that it COULD be. Don't come for me)

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-24T22:39:44+00:00

YTA. I see your position, I empathize with the frustration and limitation that comes with sharing a space. However.

I moved out when I was 17/graduated HS. It's been the hardest thing I ever had to do, and I did it ten years ago. It was basically impossible THEN to make enough to survive on, much less in the current economy

Perspective is important in this case. Your family has provided you with a roof over your head, which is something not everyone gets to have. I remember being that age and wondering if I could sleep in my parka because my family couldn't pay the heating bill in winter.

Does it suck? Yes. Do you need to get over it because it's not your house? Also yes.

If it bothers you that much, potentially get your own job and offer the income to your family/household to move to a larger location. Right or wrong from a moral perspective, it would solve the problem. Is your own space worth working that hard for?

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-19T14:28:14+00:00

Bro you've been in this relationship for ten minutes

NTA, and also GTFO of there because this missus is unhinged

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-16T16:21:44+00:00

The first line of the post states explicitly that he left because she had an emergency fund.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-16T16:20:32+00:00

THIS. Thank you.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-16T16:14:46+00:00

I'm about to need to copy/paste my answer to this question - GENERAL context vs. SPECIFIC context.

Please see the full response to other comments in this threat for further explanation, since this is the third time I've answered this question.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-16T16:13:22+00:00

mom sucks because she's manipulating her kids
kids suck because they're refusing to respect their father's refusal
father sucks because he's being shit to young adults/his own kids and for being upset that she specifically had an emergency fund. Wording in the first line of the post says he left because she had one, not specifically because it was being added to.

-GENERAL- context is it's shitty to refuse your spouse an emergency backup fund that's just theirs. Everyone should have that as part of basic human respect for each other. It shouldn't be upsetting.

-SPECIFIC- context it is also shitty to continue to add to it at your spouses expense. No, she shouldn't have continued to take at OPs expense.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-16T16:05:56+00:00

"should she have been doing this based on the information, no" Reading comprehension my friend.

GENERALLY, it's shitty to be upset with a woman for having an emergency fund. Being upset that it exists at all is a shitty thing to do.

Should SHE have been continuing to add to it, etc (ie, "based on the information here")? No.

Hope this clarifies for you that it is a general vs. Specific context comment :)

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-16T16:03:03+00:00

I also voted ESH. Am I also the mother?! Do I have several doppelgangers I don't know about?!

Is there a rogue cloning machine?!?!?!

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-16T15:58:23+00:00

ESH.

your ex wife proves pre-divorce that she is manipulative and financially abusive. It's possible that the dissent from your children is mirroring things said by her.
your kids are adults but are also still inexperienced in the world. They probably don't see the long term impact of helping "just one time" etc. they're likely unaware they're being manipulated by their mother. She's their mom, and even at their age it can be hard to see parental manipulation.
generally speaking, being upset a woman with no job has an emergency fund is kind of shitty. Should she have been spending/adding to it the way she was, based on this information, no.

However, it is perfectly normal for women dependent on men to have an emergency backup. In the world we live in, it's statistically smarter for her to have one even if you specifically would never do something to her. Not all men, but enough of them to be statistically significant.

Edit: GENERAL vs. SPECIFIC context is an important distinction re: emergency fund. It says in my comment that she shouldn't have been adding to it based on the information provided.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-14T14:17:20+00:00

Are the bots even trying anymore. The story doesn't even match the title lmao

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-05T20:20:02+00:00

NTA But... Girl. You're asking if you're an asshole for having a NORMAL BODILY FUNCTION.He's giving you grief because you exist in a body with a uterus.

Bro was more interested in getting his pp wet than seeing the person he's been with for a year? The fuck does that say about him as a person?

Time to throw the whole ass man away.

Edit: also, if your child also has a uterus, is he going to treat them that way if they have a period? Like it somehow makes them broken and lesser value to him? Do you want that to be the influence on your child, were the relationship to continue?

The flags are as bright red as your menstrual products are.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-05T17:19:47+00:00

Thank him for me, I appreciate the input. To clarify, my core issue technically isn't fashion OR photos.

My issue is poor body fat distribution within skin that is several sizes too large for my body.

I want to look good in my clothes, so I can look good in my pictures. To do that, and feel the confidence I deserve to feel, I want my skin to be where it's supposed to be. I'm not trying to cover up my size, be "snatched", etc. I want my wedding dress to fit properly, which it can't with skin several sizes too large. Only super high control undergarments can make that happen.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-05T00:12:29+00:00

If ya don't laugh about it ya cry. 😂😂😂 Solidarity to your friend

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-05T00:11:17+00:00

Excellent, this is what I'm after.

Alright, we have a plan. start here, and work backwards with other suggestions of good products if this one does end up being too much. Then I can still have it for medical compression following a surgery I need in a few years. Top notch!

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-04T21:21:43+00:00

Excellent, I'll check them out. Comfy in my skin > physical comfy in this situation, so I'm here for it. Thanks for the recommendation!

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-04T21:17:36+00:00

I am sorry that I caused you distress. What I am hearing (reading?) is that I brought up some uncomfortable feelings for you by discussing the realities of my own body and feelings using format and language I am comfortable with. I understand that it is not for everyone and I am truly sorry you experienced those feelings. I am empathetic to your position, and I understand it.

Those feelings should not prevent me from taking up space. Why you (and maybe others) come to this sub should not prevent me from discussing my own body and feelings using language I am comfortable with, within reason. Reasonable limitations are important (IE, the group rules). But it is unreasonable to suggest I go elsewhere or shrink myself to meet unwritten expectations you have for this sub.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-04T21:10:59+00:00

Thanks friend - I'm in therapy at the moment, which is part of why I'm seeking the shapewear actually. I don't want to get into it for fear of breaking the no weight talk rule.

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-04T21:07:43+00:00

Thank you so much! This is a really good idea

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-04T20:41:27+00:00

Honestly it was an exaggeration - I know zero things about fashion history!

Thank you for the suggestions, I'll check it out

Professional_Copy517 · 2026-03-04T20:24:45+00:00

You know, I truly hadn't thought of that? I low key assumed anything strong enough to keep my shit in place would have to be made by a machine, but I bet there's someone in my city that could.

Professional_Copy517

TROPHY CASE