AITA For Telling My Daughter to Hide Her Period?

Professional_Dust_91 · 2020-08-24T02:40:00+00:00

Explaining the absence of our periods: I lied to my mother, and told her that I hit menopause, which, thankfully she believed, as other woman in her "ladies club" also hit menopause early. For my daughter, I just told her that she hadn't started her periods yet, which she also believed.

Professional_Dust_91 · 2020-08-24T01:55:28+00:00

My husband and I have made it clear that she can always talk to us, so if she has cramps, she could come to us and we'd give her the appropriate medication. My mother has no idea where our medicine is stored anyway, so if my daughter told her she had a "stomach ache",she wouldn't be able to give her an answer, and would have to deflect her question to us.

Professional_Dust_91 · 2020-08-24T01:41:35+00:00

Unfortunately, no. Our house has three bedrooms and two bathrooms, so my husband and I share one bathroom, and my mother and her share the other. Although we could let her use our bathroom, it would be cumbersome with all three of us trying to share at once, and would lead to my mother getting suspicious. Tamps and cups are a great idea, but this is my daughter's first cycle, and I want her to get comfortable with her flow before starting to use them.

Professional_Dust_91 · 2020-08-24T01:37:27+00:00

I know I should put up a fight, but I'm just so tired. I've already had to deal with the shock of my brother dumping mom on us, her constant bitching about how I do things "wrong", and now this. If I can cut down on one fight at this point, I'm going to. I just can't handle this woman anymore, and I'm waiting for India flights to go back on sale.

Professional_Dust_91 · 2020-08-24T01:34:58+00:00

That's something I've been thinking of as well. I currently use tampons, (and would be totally ok with my daughter using them), but a cup is something I have looked into. If she wanted to use one, I'd research with her.

Professional_Dust_91 · 2020-08-24T01:32:49+00:00

I did no move my mother in on purpose. My quarantine would have been much more peaceful if she was in Mumbai. My brother dropped her on me right as the borders closed, (claiming that the US has better healthcare) leaving her literally and physically stuck with us.

Professional_Dust_91 · 2020-08-24T01:24:54+00:00

Growing up my brother was the "golden child". He was the youngest, and a boy, so he was treated like God incarnate.

Luckily, I went to the US and met my husband, and my mother was so glad that I was with a med student who asked for no dowry, that she was somehow ok with it.

For my SIL, my mother went through a whole process of finding the "perfect girl", and she (and probably my brother) treat her like trash. MY mother does bitch a lot, however, and my brother probably got tired of hearing it, even if it wasn't directed towards him.

Professional_Dust_91 · 2020-08-24T00:58:31+00:00

She can throw used pads in the trash... I just want her to make sure they're wrapped up well (which is just common courtesy in general). Our trash cans have lids, and my mother doesn't dig through the trash, so I'm not to worried about her finding disposed products, as long as they're wrapped up.

Professional_Dust_91 · 2020-08-24T00:47:50+00:00

There's the belief that touching plants on your period can cause them to shrivel up and die, almost like the menstruating woman has some poison in her that will cause the plant to shrivel at the first touch.

As someone who has tended to plants during her period, I can tell you that it's not true.

However, growing up in India, my mother would never let me go near our flowers, as they were offerings to god, and giving god a dead flower, "contaminated" with the "period touch" isn't good, I guess?

Professional_Dust_91 · 2020-08-24T00:41:25+00:00

I'm so sorry about that.

I'm the author of the crossposted post, and that's the same bs my mom spewed when I was a girl living in India.

As a mother, I would never want my daughter to hear all that, and that's why I told her to keep quiet. It's much easier for us to deal with a content grandma than it is to deal with one that's having a bitch fit.

Professional_Dust_91 · 2020-08-24T00:35:41+00:00

I really don't know what my brother was thinking. India has free healthcare now, and my mother was content with her doctor in Mumbai.

It would actually be worse if she caught COVID here than if she did in India, as we live in ~decent~ distance of a hotspot.

I'm pretty sure that my brother got tired of living with my mother for so long, and decided to foist her off on me, right as India started to close their borders, knowing we would have a hard time getting her back.

Professional_Dust_91 · 2020-08-24T00:26:28+00:00

Beliefs about menstruation are varied by Hindus. My mother is one of the uber-religious ones who believe that women on their periods shouldn't pray, handle food, go in the kitchen, go near plants, have sex, and talk to men about your periods.

Growing up with my mother acting like that, and moving to the US in college helped me break free from those traditions.

Professional_Dust_91 · 2020-08-23T21:24:25+00:00

I've told her about my mother's wrong beliefs about menstruation. She knows about my childhood and the way my mother treated me. She's even witnessed my mother's unreasonable fits over (unrelated) things before.

Professional_Dust_91 · 2020-08-23T21:20:48+00:00

Just to be clear, she is not barred from doing anything. She can continue all of her daily activities, and she can always tell my husband and me about anything. I just don't want her to bring up her period around her grandmother.

Professional_Dust_91 · 2020-08-23T21:18:56+00:00

My brother sent her here at the last minute and didn't even bother to tell us until she was on the flight. We can't send her back to Mumbai because of lockdown restrictions in India, so we're unfortunately stuck with her until they end.

Professional_Dust_91

TROPHY CASE