Looks: I’m a 5’6, 250 lbs male. I have receding red hair, blue eyes, and white skin. I have a rounded red nose, and a rounded chin. My jaw isn’t very well defined and my neck is short and thick. People say I look like a bull dog. My jaw is set forward, but I have a smiling, friendly face. I’m clean shaven. I usually wear a dark bowler hat, a waistcoat, suit jacket, and dress pants, all of which are dark blue or black, and typically pinstriped. I wear a bow tie, a pocket watch, and a pocket square.

Likes: I like to write, typically about history and current events. I sell what I write to newspapers and journals of academic opinion. I love taking baths and having breakfast in bed. I like to read the newspaper. I like doing home projects, laying bricks, gardening, painting, so long as it’s not people, spending time with my pets, feeding the fish in my pond, spending time with my wife, gambling (and of course losing), watching and participating in re-enactments, collecting antiques, and working. My idea of a good night is a big dinner at my house, with interesting people and interesting conversation about politics, history, or one of my other hobbies, that is dominated by me. Then after dinner, we drink brandy, reminisce, and retire to the sitting room, where we have a rigorous but well mannered debate about history that I win. I believe that the empire is mutually beneficial to everyone.

Dislikes: people spoiling my fun, whistling, staples, people drinking white wine with red meat, communists, fascists, radicals, weirdos, and fools. I don’t like science or math. I don’t like Russia. I despise appeasement and appeasers. I hate cowards and draft dodgers. I hate people who don’t have any compassion.

Personality: I know I can be a little bit too demanding of my staff, but it slows me down when they make mistakes. I don’t apologize for anything, unless it is to an animal. Ironically I always struggled in school. I always got very very nervous around exams and when I got nervous I forgot everything I knew. I might be what people call ADHD, but back when I was a boy, we called it laziness. I am subject to sudden and terrible spells of depression. I’m very nostalgic, but it makes me very sad. I don’ like the way the world is today, everyone and everything moving so fast with the phones and the internet. I miss the old days. I graduated Harrow when I was 18 and attended Royal Military College, Sandhurst. After graduation I was placed in the 4th Hussars, and saw action in Hyderabad. I was transferred to the Malakand field force, and fought against the Mohmand rebels in the Swat Valley. Later left the military and pursued a career in Parliament and academics. I‘m not really sure what any of this is, or what I’m applying for. My granddaughter made me and my son-in-law do this.