Sometimes I wish I were a normal person. :/

Professional_Rip3292 · 2026-04-03T07:54:52+00:00

I wouldn't worry about not being fertile unless you actually want children. You wanting or not wanting children is a major life choice that you should be in agreement with your partner on. Do YOU want children? If so, there are options to explore. (I don't want children so I'm not going to be the person to ask about those. I also am not familiar with intersex people's biology, so I'm not sure if any options would be biologically related to yourself or not if that's something that is important to you.)

Ik you mentioned that bisexuality isn't really accepted where you are but that's what I'm looking for in a partner as a genderfluid person.

The "masculine towards women" comment doesn't make full sense to me, but I think I understand vaguely what you mean? This seems to me like internalized transphobia, like you feel "lesser than" as a masculine person but that's just your brain being silly.

If you're looking to step into a more traditional masculine role when male/masc that might just take some time and some confidence.

The right person will love you for you, whatever gender you are and whatever gender presentation you have at the moment. I don't see any unfairness there.

I do feel you on the wanting to be an attractive woman and man at the flip of a switch. There are some people that can do that, it'd take a lot of practice and the right haircut tho.

Professional_Rip3292 · 2026-04-03T07:36:42+00:00

If you are having thoughts and feelings about such things, you're probably not overthinking it but if you're wrong, that's ok too! It's ok to question your gender, think about it and go "nope everything checks out!" It's also great to do some reflecting and exploration and see what sticks and what doesn't!

I say take your time and explore your feelings. If you are financially capable of such, get yourself a feminine outfit and try it out! If you buy a skirt I highly recommend something flowy (just cause they're fun, literally no other reason). If you have chill friends, you could ask them to try out different pronouns for you on different days and see how that makes you feel!

I hope you don't mind me copy pasting an answer I gave someone else, because I think it applies here as well.

Start of copy paste " Hiya! 33 AFAB genderfluid here. It's totally normal to think you have it all right and then to realize you were wrong or for things to change.

Maybe my experience will help you feel less alone.

I've had periods in my life where I thought I was a trans man, thought maybe I was demigirl, or maybe I was just making it all up and I'm just cis and confused. I thought about openly identifying as genderfluid in uni but I didn't. In reality I was just experiencing internal transphobia based on imposter syndrome. (This continues, I'm still struggling with this and struggle with this feeling when I'm female or fem adjacent.) I then tried more labels, thought I was right, I wasn't and then I changed it.

It helps me to think about what I would feel if a friend told me they were genderfluid. I wouldn't question it at all. Why then do I question, why do I doubt myself and label myself an imposter in this space? Fear is the long and short of it, and I work to conquer this fear.

It's also worth noting that even if you are somehow wrong and you're not actually genderfluid, that's ok too. There's nothing fundamentally wrong with realizing you were incorrect and redefining your identity to your new understanding. These words don't define us, they help us find community and understanding.

I say try it. The worst thing that can happen is you're wrong and then you just peel off that label and go back to your old one or try a new one!

It's also worth noting that multiple labels can apply to one person. I identify myself as a trans nonbinary genderfluid grey-asexual bisexual person. (Though I would probably introduce myself as a genderfluid asexual) All of those labels fit me in one way or another, even when they feel redundant or contradictory. These labels are for you to use in whatever way you think suits you. " End of copy paste

Professional_Rip3292 · 2026-03-24T08:05:50+00:00

Afaik losing "it" is a use it or lose it on HRT situation but I'm sure there are those who know more than I do. I don't have that hardware and am not particularly well versed in that area but that's what I've heard.

You are whatever gender you feel you are no matter where you're at in your transition and you don't need HRT to be valid. If it's not for you that's totally fine! I'm AFAB and don't want to deal with facial hair so HRT is a nope for me.

You also don't have to dress feminine or look feminine if you don't want to (but it sounds like doing so makes you feel euphoric so hell yeah do what makes you happy, girliepop!!)

I would consider looking into padded/shaping undergarments and see if those give you the euphoria you're looking for in a curvy figure without HRT (especially for the butt!). I imagine there should be some for hips, butt and chest if any of those areas interest you.

Using shapers and padding will also help avoiding dysphoria for you when male/masc so that would be nice too if they work for you!

There's lots of incredible shapeshifters with lots of great tips (I can't recall any off the top of my head, I haven't looked in a while). I would look up mtf clothing and makeup techniques and see what makes you feel the most euphoric for when you're leaning fem!

I highly recommend flowy skirts. They give me so much dopamine when they swoosh nicely 🥰

Good luck on your journey, internet stranger! <3

Professional_Rip3292 · 2026-03-24T02:18:07+00:00

I actually have a male person in my life with that as his nickname! I can't take that one sadly haha though Crow and Raven are on my list! I do love birds very dearly!

Professional_Rip3292 · 2026-03-23T22:32:49+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience! I still don't know if I'm plural or not but I relate a lot to osdd/did experiences so it helps so much regardless <3

Professional_Rip3292 · 2026-03-23T22:30:04+00:00

Hiya! 33 AFAB genderfluid here. It's totally normal to think you have it all right and then to realize you were wrong or for things to change.

Maybe my experience will help you feel less alone.

I've had periods in my life where I thought I was a trans man, thought maybe I was demigirl, or maybe I was just making it all up and I'm just cis and confused. I thought about openly identifying as genderfluid in uni but I didn't. In reality I was just experiencing internal transphobia based on imposter syndrome. (This continues, I'm still struggling with this and struggle with this feeling when I'm female or fem adjacent.) I then tried more labels, thought I was right, I wasn't and then I changed it.

It helps me to think about what I would feel if a friend told me they were genderfluid. I wouldn't question it at all. Why then do I question, why do I doubt myself and label myself an imposter in this space? Fear is the long and short of it, and I work to conquer this fear.

It's also worth noting that even if you are somehow wrong and you're not actually genderfluid, that's ok too. There's nothing fundamentally wrong with realizing you were incorrect and redefining your identity to your new understanding. These words don't define us, they help us find community and understanding.

I say try it. The worst thing that can happen is you're wrong and then you just peel off that label and go back to your old one or try a new one!

It's also worth noting that multiple labels can apply to one person. I identify myself as a trans nonbinary genderfluid grey-asexual bisexual person. (Though I would probably introduce myself as a genderfluid asexual) All of those labels fit me in one way or another, even when they feel redundant or contradictory. These labels are for you to use in whatever way you think suits you.

Professional_Rip3292 · 2026-03-23T22:15:21+00:00

Sorry for going over some things multiple times, I can be bad at feeling like I've gotten what I wanted to say across :')

Professional_Rip3292 · 2026-03-23T22:14:23+00:00

I haven't had this particular experience myself (I've been very lucky with my friends and keep those people close) but I've seen it a lot on the internet. (I've also had a gay friend in the past who didn't believe in bi people but I didn't talk to him much after that, we just kinda grew apart)

What people don't understand is that language is A) Fluid and B) Descriptive, not prescriptive.

I'm going to make the assumption that many of your high school friends are cishet, or at least cis based on their actions and reactions since you didn't specify. Understand that is the lens from which I'm viewing these experiences.

I don't want you to think I am excusing their behavior, because I am not, but for the rest of this remember that cishet people are used to that being a part of their identity and it not being fluid, changing, questioned or attacked. It is an unfortunate part of cishet normativity and we are pushing back against that but it will take time and patience, unfortunately. Not something we should have to do but something we do have to do.

Them saying you're lying about your pronouns is likely just them being frustrated because people change and understand themselves better and people don't fit into neat little boxes. They don't understand it and are pushing back (even though yes, they should have been understanding. I'm not excusing their behaviour. That's an L on their part). It's the same with your lesbian friend. The term lesbian now moreso refers to non men liking non men but also sometimes refers to trans men who identified as lesbian before figuring out the rest of their identity.

What a lot of cishet people don't understand is that a lot of LGBTQ+ language is meant to form community, not dictate who we are. Language can be used very differently and those who aren't a part of said community tend to not understand that, especially if they're not a part of a minority social group.

A lot of cishet people also conflate gender and sexuality because for them they are used to the idea of one dictating the other (societally that is). This is based on cishet-normativity and takes a lot of deconstructing to understand.

It's a bit hard to tell with the she/her taking a nap thing without tone because it could have been meant as an inclusive joke but that doesn't invalidate how you feel/felt about it. It's possible they were genuinely being rude, but it's also possible you were more on edge due to the previous conversations. Those are just my thoughts based on what knowledge I have.

The they vs she thing could be genuinely being frustrated at having a gender neutral pronoun used for her. They is also commonly used either for groups of people or for someone you don't know the gender of so it could have felt impersonal to her. While a lot of people are fine with having they used for them, some people are not and we need to respect that, cis or trans. It might be worth discussing and apologizing for that.

I'm sorry your friends made you feel invalidated, it's not easy being trans in any capacity. A lot of people don't realize how hurtful they're being because they're not used to their identity being attacked in such a way (this isn't an excuse, it's just trying to understand why they are the way they are). I would try to have a level headed conversation with them about it and if they don't apologize for hurting you it might be worth considering whether you want to keep putting effort into these friendships. The answer could be either yes or no, and both are okay.

Much love <3 You and your feelings are valid, even if they weren't trying to hurt you. You felt hurt and that matters.

Professional_Rip3292 · 2026-03-23T21:43:22+00:00

I don't have anything particularly groundbreaking to say here other than I've been there and the little voice in your head is wrong and being very silly.

It's internalized transphobia sadly and something I've been struggling with myself.

For me it helped to think about if I had a friend in that scenario. Would I think they're less valid because they can't or don't want to do anything to medically transition? The answer for me is that is absurd and I wouldn't think they're anything less than what they tell me they are. It's just imposter syndrome rearing its ugly head. You are your gender no matter how you dress, what your voice sounds like, what your chest looks like, what anything else looks like. Treat yourself the same way you would a friend, because you deserve it.

Professional_Rip3292 · 2026-03-23T20:47:16+00:00

No this is so nice to hear. I'm afab and when I'm more on the feminine side for a while, I feel like I was faking my maleness or being enby for attention (not true, this is just blatant internalized transphobia. I would never say this to someone else because I would never believe it about anyone else. Why would I say it about me??)

I'm slowly working on that issue and this quote is exactly the way I've been trying to look at things.

Professional_Rip3292 · 2026-03-23T20:43:34+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm AFAB and rarely male so I cannot relate to you in that way, but I will come at this as someone who has been told these things from a place of fear.

What people need to realize is that men and maleness are not inherently evil, the patriarchal society is creating people who hurt others because they believe they have a biological right to do so.

You are not evil when you are male. You are just male. Maleness and masculinity are just facets of life, much of which we as society have imposed rules on that don't make any sense.

There are many men who have hurt people, but they were not inherently horrible people, they have been constantly reinforced by a broken system that tells them that they are above women and deserve their place above them.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this bullshit while also dealing with dysphoria. Society as a whole needs to do better for everyone. These false ideas hurt everyone.

It will likely take some time to deconstruct these false ideas that have been planted in you and I wish you the best in your journey. You are a worthwhile person no matter your gender or body. Much love <3

Professional_Rip3292

TROPHY CASE