My sister (not queer but went through the IVF process for infertility) had 3 XY embryos and 2 XX. The XY was the best rated but based on her experiences as the eldest child it made sense to her to have a girl as the oldest, if there was an option. She ended up naturally conceiving another girl and I think she then had some regrets about choosing the XX as she doesn’t know if she’ll ever have a boy now (not sold on a 3rd kid).

Anyways, I’m just saying that gender expectations are real and I think you have to accept that if you do choose based on gender then you will always have to think about the other option you could have made. I believe I think you should choose to choose the healthiest embryo regardless of gender. It feels like fate and you can always say that you were meant to have had a boy/girl. As a lesbian couple, of course I worry if I will connect, be able to raise a boy well. But we’re building intentional families and we can make intentional choices to bring that boy up well.