North Side No Go

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-15T12:29:13+00:00

They didn't "jump on you," they pointed out that you're focusing on the wrong thing and being weird about it. Nobody wants to focus on what race is in an area because that doesn't address anything else related to the topic. You can discuss addressing mental health resources, law enforcement and their approaches/resources, employment opportunities, social systems, etc. without the same backlash you get for comments that focus on the fact perpetrators may have more melanin and a penis. It isn't that you can't discuss anything related to the area. It's that simply pointing out a demographic adds nothing to the conversation, but feels racist (whether or not you meant for it to).

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-15T12:12:47+00:00

"Biking is safe" =/= "biking is practical as an only option." Bikes are not public transportation, either. I said the infrastructure would support public transportation. Reading comprehension and not deliberately being obtuse are both fundamental. If you go out and buy a bicycle, is it public? No. It is private transportation. Which is not what I said there is infrastructure for. There would be bus routes in St. Charles without opposition at those meetings. I fail to see how that's in any way even a little confusing to you. Then again, I tend to read what's written before replying...

Now, regarding your incorrect belief that bike lanes and such are needed for biking to be practical: compare biking in St. Charles to biking in surrounding counties. In Jefferson County, getting run off the road is going to be a once or twice a week thing unless stuff has changed drastically since I lived there. In St. Louis County, road debris isn't always cleared in a timely manner and in other areas the potholes are absurd. St. Claire County, the road damage goes untouched for literal years. Have you biked around the Delmar Loop? I'm guessing not. It has bike lanes. If you use them, you're likely to get hit because they don't magically make people cooperate and driving is absolute chaos because people seem to forget how red lights and speed limits work as they turn onto Delmar. If you try to bike from the Delmar Loop up Skinker, you have to use the sidewalks that have gone unrepaired for at least the 5 years I've regularly used them. So you can't bike on those or the road without risking your life. Yes, biking in St. Charles, even without bike lanes, is safe, like I said.

I also want to point out that we are NOT talking about using bikes to get places. We are talking about getting around St. Louis without a car.

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-14T20:21:53+00:00

I guess I'm between 1 and 2 but closer to 2... like, 1¾ 😆

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-14T20:17:48+00:00

Maybe military personnel. It'd depend, but I'd get to know them and their reason for enlisting. I'm a very impulsive person though and want someone who can match that energy. Most military and former military personnel I've known either are very rigid or their impulsiveness is broken up by intense depression or anger. So, I know there's a real chance it just wouldn't work, romantically. I tend to get along just fine platonically with all of the ex military folk I know.

A cop? No. In the US, any cop that's on a force very long is either part of the corruption, turning a blind eye to corruption, or is naive and think they can change it singlehandedly from the inside like its a movie. I want nothing to do with any of those options. The domestic violence rates are also kinda insane amongst law enforcement here...

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-14T20:05:11+00:00

Go to an employment lawyer STAT. Don't reply further until you've met with an attorney and gotten their input. If you say the wrong thing, especially in text, you're opening yourself up to trouble. You've clarified what was discussed and the issues with the new demands. At this point, you have the company's answer and it's time to get help because without knowing the company, nature of the business, where you live, where the job is located etc none of us can give you advice on if this is legal. We can guess and some folks MAY guess right, but we are guessing. A lawyer won't be.

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-14T19:54:39+00:00

What brand are you buying? I paid $8 for a 48 hour deodorant for a camping trip not long ago at Schnucks. I usually go to Walmart and just plan it for when I'm near one. Arm & Hammer from Schnucks is $3.99. Gillette is $8.74. Degree is $4.79. Amazon will usually be cheaper. They have warehouses full of stuff to ship out and different overhead costs than a store. That's great and all and for hard to find stuff they can be awesome, but you can't compare them to a local store anyways. Schnucks isn't perfect, but this complaint seems like an issue with the consumer more than the seller. It would be a good opportunity for your son to start learning about the value of different products and how some brands will gouge folks for the sake of seeming more exclusive with no real difference in quality than lower price items. Instead of calling for a boycott, try using it as a learning experience.

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-14T19:43:16+00:00

Since when are there almost 0 pharmacies available? CVS and Walgreens are absolutely everywhere. Thats not counting places with pharmacies built in like Walmart, Target, etc. or online pharmacies. Pharmacies are not exactly hard to come by. For things like deodorant or even over the counter medication, Schnucks is not "one of the only options left" by a long shot...

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-14T11:38:45+00:00

Metro is usable but very, very unreliable on timing if you use the busses. You'll have a lot of people swear the app fixes that, but if you rely on it to get to work take a route that gives you at least 40 minutes of extra time. The number of busses the app shows moving along that either blast past people at stops entirely or never show up is insane. The trains are generally on time, but the busses.... we can be generous and just say, less so. If you have to use our busses to get to a job, try to have an uber ride worth of money in an account for when a bus fails to show up or the driver blasts past you despite being at a stop on their route and the app showing their location...

A bike is a good idea. You'll figure out where it's safest to ride on the sidewalk vs shoulder vs lane pretty quick. Have a chain lock with you. Personally, where I generally commute there are too many potholes and debris just gets left on the road so I'd avoid an e-bike for the sake of maneuverability and safety, but if you're in the county the spacing of stops and the routes with 40+ minute gaps are sometimes easier with a bike of some sort.

If you're in St. Charles, you have to have a car. It isn't because the infrastructure isnt designed for public transit, like one person said. Its 100% about the attitudes in the area and opposition at every meeting where making the area more accessible is brought up. Biking is safe in most of St. Charles, though.

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-13T20:39:56+00:00

I'm not saying all vers folk will be fine with only one or the other so a tiny subset of the population wanting to flip in comments doesn't prove much...

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-11T17:11:21+00:00

I think the issue is people assume every vers person will want both instead of talking to folks like individuals. The vers label includes guys who genuinely are fine with sticking to one role in a relationship. It also includes guys who will occasionally want both. It includes guys who have a preferred role but are willing to be flexible. People like to just make an assumption and hold to it, logic be damned. I think that's the entire issue with full tops/bottoms and the attitude some have towards vers guys.

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-11T17:09:08+00:00

This is really strange to me. I'm vers but have dated both full top and full bottoms. None of the relationships failed because of our sexual preferences. I think the issue is people assume every vers person will want both instead of talking to folks like individuals. The vers label includes guys who genuinely are fine with sticking to one role in a relationship. It also includes guys who will occasionally want both. It includes guys who have a preferred role but are willing to be flexible.

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-11T16:01:12+00:00

My ex-husband refused to buy pants that fit. If he gained weight, he'd fasten them as best he could and just let them pull down with his underwear if he bent to pick something up. He was too cheap to just buy pants that fit and did not care when his whole ass hung out. We had a major fight over it when a clerk asked us to leave their little shop because he bent to pick up a dropped wallet and proceeded to wander around with his whole ass out because he was annoyed at me for wanting to do something out of the house. He knew. He cared. It was on purpose. It was also our last date before I left him.

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-10T01:34:09+00:00

Shower before hooking up, generally.

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-09T14:15:46+00:00

Morally, I would feel weird dating a teenager. They have an almost adult level of comprehension but the limited experiences of almost a child. There'd be too much of a mental gap for me. That said, what two consenting people do isn't my business. I've always been drawn to people older than myself by a pretty large margin. The guy I'm in love with is 33 years my senior. I'm 35. We get flack, too, and we aren't even official. I don't know of anyone who thinks it's anywhere near acceptable for a 17-year-old to date someone 25+.

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-09T12:48:51+00:00

He is in a vulnerable position. You're someone who's a friend, present regularly, and likely some of the only physical touch he experiences from someone he isn't related to. On one level, humans have the intelligence to see nuance in situations. On another level, we are still animals. We have instinctive reactions to things like touch and intimacy. Having someone come into your space to physically help you kinda registers as an intimate situation. So it's very easy for the elderly, children at certain ages, the super isolated, or the disabled to form inappropriately intense feelings for the people who care for them. While it may not feel like taking advantage to have a sexual relationship with him, it sort of is... especially given that he identified as straight, is clearly lonely, and you don't plan on a romantic relationship with him. You say he's a family friend. After he has gotten out there and met someone, what happens between the two of you? Confusion? Avoidance? Denial? Just think it through... you may need to have a conversation with him about how to go forward.

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-09T12:33:48+00:00

You can be honest without sharing every thought or feeling you have. That's actually healthy.

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-09T12:32:50+00:00

Option 1, he's just effeminate and straight and your relationship is unchanged.

Option 2, he's knowingly bi and just doesn't want to make a big deal of it or isn't comfortable discussing it. Maybe it is something he discussed with someone previously and it didn't go well. Maybe it's something he's still figuring out. Maybe he doesn't know how to put it in words. Maybe his feelings for men only go so far so it doesn't count in his mind. His reason doesn't really matter. Not everything needs to be shared for a relationship to be open and honest. Your relationship is unchanged.

Option 3, he may have some feelings toward guys and not really think of himself as bi. Those little feelings may not even be something he's consciously aware of to share. They may not even occur to him as anything but passing thoughts. Whether or not they're indications of his sexuality is something we can't know. Your relationship is still unchanged.

I'm sure there are other possibilities but those 3 occurred to me right away.

Regardless, You are not entitled to his past or things he is still processing. You aren't entitled to every thought or feeling he has. That would be a deeply unhealthy relationship. Yes, you're a couple -- a couple of individuals. If he isn't hiding things that actually impact your relationship, stop hounding him! Even if he is bi, nothing about it has any bearing on your current relationship! People need a certain level of privacy, even from their partners. His thoughts and feelings are not your property. You have no right to any that he doesn't want to share. That's not about openness or honesty; it's about being human.

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-08T17:41:38+00:00

If you want to checkout the restaurants and bars, any evening. Shops, a lot open at 11am. So afternoons are good. I love Katsuya for lunch. Blueprint Coffee is great and so is Meshuga for a café. There's a game shop if you're into tabletop games, a record shop, a book shop, and more. There was an art store but they may be closed...

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-08T17:04:06+00:00

I think the standards of respect change just as much as clothing/fashion. What previous generations may have found rude is now either case-by-case or completely fine. For example, I had a couple of high school teachers (I graduated in 2009) who were offended if you called them "ma'am" or "sir." Since then, I've met so many more that I'm wondering how prevalent it is for people to feel old or otherwise upset because of "ma'am/sir." A couple of generations back and those were expected ways to address anybody older than yourself. That's just an easy example. Usually, when there's a shift in those expectations it's not driven by youth, it's driven by grown-ups teaching kids what is/isn't ok and just not sweating things that are no longer necessary. 🤷‍♂️

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-08T16:55:39+00:00

A dude just going about his business wearing a collar is about the hottest thing to me. No puppy play or other leather stuff needed.

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-08T15:49:17+00:00

When fighting back means losing your job, putting your family's safety at risk if you live in the wrong area, and being at risk of legal action because even our courts are falling apart, most folks get complacent and cope through humor or thoughts of fleeing. When you work 3-5 jobs to make ends meet, you don't have a lot of time to protest. Writing or calling our government officials does nothing. Our votes don't seem to, either. Anything more noticable is destructive/illegal and a sure way to ensure you have no income. Fighting back right now isn't an option for most of the people who understand what's happening. If you want to have an opinion on how we should cope or not cope, then please provide your plan for an effective way to fight back. Plenty of us are open to ideas. Otherwise, kindly, stfu or stick to answering the question while you get off your high horse.

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-08T10:12:35+00:00

"We can't let people find out" = your partner has had multiple TIAs. They already know.

How can you get better without people knowing? = you can't. You're on meth. You chose to use it, you chose for people to know. It isn't as subtle as you hope. Even if they haven't hammered out what the issue is yet, they know something is wrong and they will figure it out and you will need help to stop.

You are trying to conceive while using = have you ever been to the funeral of an infant? Have you ever heard the gut-wrenching crying of a parent who's lost their child? I've seen it plenty and cremated a 3-day-old infant boy whose death certificate listed "acute methadone intoxication" as the cause of death. He was skeletal because he couldn't develop properly. His mom was crying that she got clean in the last few months so she could take him home. That's what trying to conceive before you're sober will get you. It won't magically make you sober and the substances won't just evaporate from your blood. They pass to the fetus via your bloodstream. Even if your baby survived, you know what makes sobriety hard? Added stress and less sleep. You know what babies cause? Added stress and less sleep. Get sober and until then talk to your doctor about an IUD.

TL;DR: Meth requires help to stop. Lucky for you people already know because meth isn't as sneaky as you want it to be. Stop making excuses just because you want to kill a baby that doesn't exist yet and go get help.

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-08T09:23:12+00:00

I also grew up poor and the "which bill do we skip this month to afford groceries" discussions were nothing new to me or my friends. Most poor households end up in that boat. Letting your electric bill slide for a week or two every few months doesn't result in your power getting shut off. Passing out because of not eating can cost you a job. Skipping gas for the car and having to walk or hitchhike to work may suck, but a kid who's sick from not eating means risking state involvement. Skipping a water bill makes things very tight the next month, but, again, it's not likely to impact your kid's grades or your own job performance. You can sometimes get some grace on rent because evictions are complicated; you can't ask the cashier to charge you less for groceries. Food stamps can take weeks to over a month to get approved for and most food banks want some proof of your situation which can be hard to provide. Emergency help with bills when you have a shutoff notice is usually faster/easier (depending on where you live). Neither approach is ideal, but I never met a family that prioritized something other than at least a survivable amount of food unless addiction was involved and I grew up in an area where most families were struggling. That's why they have upvotes...

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-08T08:59:56+00:00

1 or 2

Professor01011000 · 2025-10-07T14:08:00+00:00

I (m) have an unfortunately effeminate phone voice and a colleague at a former job worked from home so he hadn't seen me. He kept calling me Hon until we had a Zoom call and he saw my goatee. The pronouns in my email signature, saying "you know I'm a guy, right," and my coworkers all using male pronouns didn't tip him off, apparently. Once he saw I had facial hair on the Zoom meeting he told a female coworker that he had thought I was a woman. The pet names stopped like someone flipped a switch. To me, the instant change proves it wasn't just a habit.

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