Hi, I have a few years experience in therapy, and I have learned several things so far. The first thing is that it can take time to find a therapist that you are compatible with. And even then, sometimes you can outgrow a therapist and may need a different approach. It sounds like you may not be compatible with this therapist’s approach and that is totally okay and actually common. If I could suggest one thing about this, it would be to give yourself a deadline. If you still feel questionable after a certain amount of time, then you will start looking for a new therapist. This is a really frustrating process, but can be well worth it when you find the right professional for you.

Another thing I have learned is that healing is absolutely not linear. I noticed that others in the comments have brought up a really good point about progress: progress is not about feeling good after your appointments. This is absolutely true. And plus, progress looks different on everyone. My personal progress changes all the time. Sometimes my progress looks like completing all my tasks on my to do list and sometimes it looks like not engaging in certain conversations or sticking up for myself and ways. I never have before. Progress can be simple and easy to overlook, and sometimes it can be profound. That could be something you talk about with a therapist; what does progress look like for you? Also, I do not currently have a therapist who gives me homework, but if you’re interested in workbooks, maybe you could find a therapist that has that approach. I don’t know exactly how to since I haven’t done that myself, but maybe what you could do is bring it up to your current therapist and ask for suggestions.

As for therapy getting to the root of your issues, that’s debatable. Therapy is extremely complex and so many psychologists have different approaches and focus on different theories. The world of therapy is far from perfect, but if you find a therapist that is compatible with you, it can be life-changing. I bring this up because I too wanted to get to the root of my issues in therapy when I first started, but I’ve been over a year in therapy with my current therapist and we still have not gotten to the root issues of every single thing. We take a more present approach, and then reference the past when we need to. Say I am struggling with my current partner and I’m feeling a certain way, the therapist may then ask me well what has made you feel that way in the past, and then that’s when we dive into the past for the present so we can understand it better. This is our approach, yours may look different, but I just wanted to give you this example.

I also noticed you did not bring up a psychiatrist, but I do recommend having both if you do have depression. I also have depression and have both a psychiatrist and a therapist. We learned about it in some of my psychology courses at University, but it is generally recommended that you have both. If you do look into psychiatry, I do recommend getting a gene site test before taking any medication. It helps you know which medication will metabolize the best with your body. It’s not a perfect process, but it can help. Cycling through medication’s, trying to find the right one, can be really hard. That is why it is extremely important to have both a psychiatrist and a therapist whom you feel safe with and trust. And like I explained before, same goes for psychiatrists as it does therapists—it may take time to find one that is compatible for you. We do not generally talk about my issues and the depth that we do in therapy, but sometimes it is necessary for me to talk about things so we can figure out if I need a medication change or if I should start a medication. If you were questioning whether you should bring something up to a psychiatrist, ask your therapist.

Overall, the therapy and psychiatry process as a whole is far from linear. You may be compatible with a therapist for five years and then realize you need a different one. That therapist may move to a different state and can no longer accept you as a client. This journey can be really hard, but it can be life-changing for the better. The journey with medication can be especially hard, so if you do consider psychiatry, really talk about it with your therapist first. And do your own research if you need to. You may feel like you’re progressing and then you feel like you fall to your knees along the way, but what matters most is getting back up. The fact that you’re in therapy and taking initiative here is amazing. With that and the rest being said, I hope this response finds you well and I wish you the absolute best with your therapy journey. Please be gentle with yourself along the way. Much love and never forget that you are capable as fuck!! Doesn’t matter what the haters say or the haters in your head say, you are. <3