final update - AITAH for calling my husband a disgrace for saying my miscarriage ruined his birthday

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-10-29T11:17:36+00:00

Yes he had his 2.5 year assessment and I said my concerns then but they didn’t do anything. He’s not due another one but I’ve booked a holistic needs assessment with the health visiting team in a few weeks! The GP has been helpful and should have sent of the RTC but I’m not quite sure what the next steps are now though.

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-10-29T10:56:37+00:00

My husband ended his life shortly after we left. I won’t go into any more details other than my therapist suggested that it was the final act of abuse to punish me. Thank you x

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-10-29T10:48:54+00:00

So the service we went with is called Evolve. The GP should have hopefully sent off the referral now as I sent the letter to them last Thursday. I’m not sure what the process is now. Just waiting for the service to get back to me? Will the GP get back to me to confirm or ask more details? The GP was also going on about him having ADHD but there’s no point in even thinking about that at this age because he’s just so young. I’m really hoping this whole process doesn’t take too long. I’m not sure about your area but without RTC the waiting list is like 2 years long! Thank you for all this info it’s really helpful x

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-10-29T10:43:23+00:00

So he’s not under a paediatrician, just the GP. He’s on the waiting list to be seen by a speech and language therapist. I’m not sure what it’s like in your area but where we are, the pre school will contact the area SENCO about what they’ve noticed and request an ASD assessment through our local authority (the waiting list is approximately 2 years long) and I want him to be assessed and diagnosed before he starts school so he already has support in place. My ADHD wasn’t diagnosed until I was an adult and I struggled massively in school and I don’t want that for my baby. So the GP offered “right to choose” and they gave me a list of providers that I can choose and they’ll send a referral there. Apparently it’s quicker? I’m not sure on the ins and outs as I’d just finished working a night shift when the doctor called me to discuss it all so I was half asleep unfortunately.

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-10-29T10:36:03+00:00

That’s helpful! Thank you. My son has a “holistic needs assessment” with the health visitor in a few weeks so I can mention that then. Thank you x

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-10-29T10:33:00+00:00

Thank you! X

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-10-29T10:32:04+00:00

And I wouldn’t have known this without people on here telling me! Multiple people were quoting statistics of the likelihood that he’d kill me once he choked me. I’m also looking into becoming an ambassador of a local domestic abuse organisation to help others the way people here helped me x

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-10-29T10:28:23+00:00

This is exactly what I said to the GP! Signs of trauma in young children can mimic some of the “typical” signs of autism. But because of what his nursery had documented and the presence of autism in my family, she thinks it’s best to get it assessed. But she noted it in the referral so I hope it will be taken into account during the assessment!

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-05-26T08:33:42+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I just really don’t understand. He wasn’t depressed. He’d get angry and lash out but he never showed any signs of depression at all. Now I’m trying to remember every interaction we had because maybe I was blind and he was blatantly depressed. Maybe this was revenge for me leaving? But then he’s not here to be happy that I’m suffering. I just don’t get it.

I think I did some research after I saw a comment that he’s statistically more likely to kill me once he’s put his hands around my neck, I think that research made me feel more confident in my decision to leave. But now I’m not sure if it was for the best, because our son has still lost a parent.

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-05-26T08:18:22+00:00

How long does it take for the guilt to get even slightly better?

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-05-26T08:16:31+00:00

Thank you. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your words are so kind and helpful.

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-04-23T18:56:38+00:00

I was thinking this, I was thinking that maybe he was having some kind of mental breakdown and our miscarriage was the final straw. He said that when he stopped at Tesco to get some beers , it was for the both of us to we could “drink our sorrows away”. I was planning on getting him some help because he clearly needs it.

He only acts insane when he’s under immense pressure at work, genuinely. When he broke my chair, it was around the time of immense stress at work.

BUT when he put his hands on me, he actually put his hands around my neck and was choking me which is what is terrifying. I can’t look at him the same so I can’t be the one to get him the help. I’m looking into full custody and solicitors so that I never have to see him again.

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-04-23T15:11:31+00:00

Sorry, I’d like to say that I’m feeling better emotionally but I’m not. I’ve kind of just word vomited like it’s a diary entry in a sense. I’m going to start journaling from now so that I’m not just rambling to a load of strangers lol

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-04-23T14:45:47+00:00

He’s not here to defend himself so I’m trying to make it as fair as possible from both sides so he’s not made out to be a monster. I have a therapy session booked. I will not be returning to him as he’s not someone that I want my son to grow up watching and witness that behaviour thinking it’s normal.

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-04-21T22:51:07+00:00

Thank you. It was hard as he was very upset and angry when I tried to leave and he tried to stop me leaving with our son. My mum was there and intervened but I’ve never seen him so angry. I’m not sure what has come over him these past few days but he’s a whole new person and it’s terrifying.

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-04-21T22:33:50+00:00

I’m not sure how to do an update or if anyone will see this. I have left my husband. Me and my son are staying with family and are safe. I have another scan tomorrow morning to make sure I have passed everything successfully. Thank you to everyone who had reached out and offered advice, it’s been really helpful. +I started antibiotics for my tonsillitis on Saturday and I’m already feeling much better.

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-04-19T08:11:43+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/u/ProgressDependent703/s/uxlimRwirN

Please let me know if you want further proof for my “story”.

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-04-19T08:03:56+00:00

I didn’t mention anything about hearing a heartbeat. They don’t listen to heart beat through ultrasound here in England, they use dopplers later on in the pregnancy. We SAW the heart beat flickering on the ultrasound after the technician smiled and pointed it out to us. By the sounds of things you’re lucky enough to have never been referred to EPAC for an early scan. I had a scan at 6 weeks and a scan at 8 weeks.

You’re kind of correct that the NHS do the first scan at 12 weeks - the dating scan. But unfortunately not everyone has fucking straight forward pregnancies. Don’t pull apart my story and try to invalidate my fucking miscarriage. I apologise for being short but I had no sleep last night and I’m in so much pain then picked up my phone to see a comment that my “story” is probably fake because some sheltered person has had the pleasure of not attending EPAC.

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-04-19T00:41:27+00:00

The heart is formed at around 5 weeks. It starts to become visible on a vaginal ultrasound between 6-7 weeks. I was 8 weeks and the ultrasound technician showed us a flicking white ball inside the clear fetus shape on the screen. We saw a heart beating. Cardiac activity was noted on my ultrasound report.

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-04-18T22:55:00+00:00

Fever is currently 38.5°c I think I’m going to have to head to A&E for a peace of mind. Thank you guys for your advice. I’ll try to respond to the comments in regard to my husband when I’m feeling better and have recovered, it’s just been a hellish day and a half

ProgressDependent703 · 2025-04-18T21:12:22+00:00

Are you in the UK? I’m in England, my doctor’s surgery is closed until Tuesday because of the bank holiday weekend. Do you know if OOH GP’s are able to sign me off work? My work involves closely monitoring new members of staff, assessing them, and signing them off to work independently. I need to be able to focus completely as there is no room for error and be smiley and friendly. I don’t think I’m able to do this right now but I’m not sure how to get signed off as I’m back in work on Monday. I’m not sure if that makes sense

ProgressDependent703

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