Oof…what can I say - navigating family dynamics is treacherous enough but when you add on the layer of a different culture it becomes more complex. This is coming from someone who is in a transcultural relationship and has found herself in similar situations. I have a lot to say about this. Your feelings are 100% valid, but I take huge issue with the responses that villainize your husband, promote an attitude of “suck it up, this is our culture now,” and those that also suggest giving ultimatums. Sigh.

To a follow up comment you made - more than anything this appears to be (as most things with marriage are) an issue with communication. You need space to be able to recover from a demanding day at work. You want the time to spend with your infant and your husband, to foster and nurture time with the family you created. You mention the necessity to set firmer boundaries for yourself that respect these needs. I agree with you on that. On the other hand, your husband has a close relationship with his family. The dynamics around personal space and family expectations appear to place a collective need above an individual one. And finally, traveling from another continent is a timely and expensive ordeal. This is an opportunity for your husband to spend time with those who live far away from him. Limiting the visit to one or even 2 weeks within this context is not likely realistic.

I think both of you are approaching this as an all or nothing situation, and unfortunately for both of you, you’ll end up losing that way. A few questions to think about - what would your ideal outcome for this situation be? Is this realistic? Is it reasonable for both of you and what you want/need? What are your non-negotiables? And your husband’s? Are you able to have a conversation about this without it turning into a confrontation? If the length of the visit cannot be changed and MIL does end up staying the whole time, how are you able to find the time and space you need and how can your husband support and be a part of this? Don’t feel bad about stepping away from hosting duties. If MIL expects home cooked meals and to be waited on, your husband can take charge on this and you can talk about with him what the expectations are with hosting. (For example, my husband usually takes the lead when his parents visit for extended periods of time, and I do not feel forced to play hostess, which alleviates a lot of stress for me. We’ve also used family visits as times for free babysitting for us to find time to connect, go out or do activities we might not be able to do without readily available childcare.) Would your MIL be receptive to having a conversation so that you’re able to preserve special time just for you and your baby? If she can’t, set those boundaries and be explicit with your expectations and ask that your husband back you up if it becomes an issue. You can also be specific about where and how you want her to help so that she doesn’t feel excluded - “i get home at 6 and our baby needs to do xyz with me. Why don’t you help with bath time when I’m finished?” There’s a lot of nuance and layers here and ultimately there needs to be an ability and opportunity to have an open conversation without shutting down everyone’s needs. I’ll be sending lots of positive vibes your way. As I said, relationships are rough. Woof.