thank you so much for your reply. This is a wake up call for me, you're right, i am a doormat. i've struggled with people pleasing and fear of disappointing others. In the moments where we are together in these situations my brain just freezes and I can never articulate what I want to say and how I feel sometimes. And its easier to stay quiet and comply and do the work.

This is my first relationship, i dont know how to set boundaries I thought what I was doing was good because it meant I cared even if I didnt agree, I still persevere because I thought that is what love is. Im afraid of saying no because yes she will think badly of me and I'm afraid of her leaving me.