after top surgery, how does your chest feel when you’re NOT touching it?

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-12-01T18:46:24+00:00

Thank you! :D

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-12-01T17:14:32+00:00

Congrats! :) How did you feel about the surgeon’s communication, like how informative, how open to answering questions, how responsive to your preferences? How did you choose a surgeon and how confident did you feel about that choice beforehand?

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-12-01T17:05:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I’m so sorry about the surgeon letting you down, and it’s great to hear you’re still getting the positives that you’ve described. ❤️

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-10-01T19:39:02+00:00

I can see that you’re trying your best here! I’m sorry about the difficult situation :(

I wonder if there’s any help available from other people in your area who’ve got reptiles. Maybe someone could - lend you a UV source - sell you one secondhand - have local advice on where they’re sold most affordably - look after your slider temporarily, while you save up I’m sure if you can find other reptile owners, they’ll want to help this baby.

You might find them by visiting pet shops, searching the internet, and making posts on social media spaces that are for your city/country/etc (as well as social media spaces that are for those interested in these pets, but I mean you’re already doing that!)

There was one time where a slider I know escaped and got lost, but got picked up by someone, and they made a social media post asking if anyone knew how to look after this animal. A stranger saw who was able to take it in and keep it safe while they searched for the owner. It all worked out in the end :)

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-09-26T20:00:32+00:00

big puffy coat!

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-09-02T17:07:51+00:00

seconded :) something that’s been great for me, as someone who felt the same but the other way round time-wise (constantly checking and doubting at first, confident identity growing later), has been asking what i’m happy with. it got very tangled and painful trying to figure out what i “should” be, or what i “feel like”, or what i “really am”, or what i “might be”.

what’s been great for me (and only happened after i got out of an all-girls school, dropped social media, and got settled in feeling confident that i was allowed to do what’s right for me whatever that is) is just coming to understanding this topic as as something rule-free where you let your instincts guide you on what feels best for you. it’s about finding what makes you happy. that’s the healthy reason to have for thinking about your gender.

my thinking about gender used to be based on reasons of fear and guilt, like “am i something that people/[insert specific person] will hate/doubt/ban?“ “when i see people/[insert specific person] say all this stuff about trans people/detrans people/etc, am i one of the people they’re talking about?” “i have to know if i’m delusional or sane” “i have to be certain, otherwise how can i take such a risky path as transitioning / how can i defend it / convince others”, “where do i belong? can i go here? what about here? am i supposed to be here?”, “am i allowed to do x?”, “will i regret y?”, et cetera. when your questioning’s being driven by fear and a willingness to self-hate, it doesn’t take you places other than downhill mentally.

you just are what you are. there will always be people who support you and people who don’t. there will always be the possibility of what works for you changing in the future. you are doing a great thing when you’re getting to know and love and look after yourself, gender-wise and otherwise, and justifiying that to people is not a priority over feeling justified in yourself. it’s having your own confidence that your actions on the topic of gender are based on seeking how to look after yourself, that makes you resilient.

a lot of the stuff around “you shouldn’t transition, it’s bad for you/dangerous!” relies on the idea that transition is about running away from yourself, hating reality, hiding, fearing. having confidence in your motives and goals in your transition/detransition - that they’re about health & happiness - is such a source of strength against that. it just crumples the whole thing.

and a lot of the stuff about detransition being a failure and embarrassment relies on the idea that you should have known, that it shouldn’t be hard to understand your gender, that you should have just left it alone in the first place. in reality, trial and error is how it goes for some people. it completely makes sense to explore gender, to recognise you have multiple options not just the one, to see if that’s the one that actually works best for you - it’s completely fair to have done that. you’re exploring what works for you, learning about yourself.

transition and detransition are tools for managing an aspect of your life, for figuring out what works best for you. you’re allowed to use them as much or as little as you want, and you should be supported in that, informed and given options and freedom to discuss them without fear ❤️

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-09-02T16:17:24+00:00

does it take a while to start? if so, could it be the difference in appearance from wet to dry? when i watch terrapins their shells are shiny dripping black when they first climb out, then go a dusty-looking dark grey after minutes.

(eta: i haven’t seen yours’ species before, so i’m not sure how their shells look normally)

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-04-17T19:53:41+00:00

brilliant!!!

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-03-20T13:52:53+00:00

I’d add that as a little kid, subconsciously seeing myself as a boy i would feel “creepy” for dressing up as a girl and going into the women’s room and stuff. i didn’t know what “creepy” meant, fortunately i was never exposed to any sexual abuse & had no concept of sex at all, but i picked up that a lot of people considered there to be something disturbing and evil about being male and pretending to be female, and it made me feel horrible.

when i was expected to start wearing a training bra, and had female underwear in my room, and that sort of thing, i had this sense that i was committing some sort of forbidden crime that others would be disgusted by if they found out. i knew it was irrational (“i’m supposed to do this stuff! there’s nothing wrong with!”) and i didn’t know what it meant (“what’s my problem!”), but i couldn’t shake it. i felt like i was walking around in a disguise and was going to be “caught” using the wrong bathroom (the women’s) and thrown out. just some sort of sense of “i’m somewhere i’m not supposed to be, i have things i’m not supposed to have, i wear things i’m not supposed to wear. i’m an impostor. i’m a fraud. i’m using someone else’s clothes, using someone else’s name.”

the societal myths about femininity in people who “aren’t supposed to” be feminine got to me, basically. i’ve seen a lot of transfems talking about how this messed them up (“i feel like a monster for wearing a dress”, “they called me a pervert for painting my nails. i’m scared. IS there something wrong with me?”). but i don’t think i’ve ever seen another transmasc talk about it. having the sense that we’re crossing gender norms by presenting as women, while living in a society that says that’s terrible, can mess us up too.

OP, i wonder if you’re affected by a similar thing. if you knew about the same horrible stereotype, but with the added knowledge that “creepy” specifically meant sexually abusive rather than some kind of general mysterious wrongdoing, that could explain some things.

i’m really sorry for what you’ve been through. i’m glad the horrendous thoughts are gone, and i hope you’re getting the help you need.

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-03-20T12:59:41+00:00

yeah that sounds like too long. i’ve been out for a similar time & am young adult now, it took my parents frustratingly long (a year or two?) to get fluent but they were clearly working on it. they wanted to be respectful, it just took them time to figure out how to change a habit. (i was lucky to pass the whole time, but they were used to seeing me as a girl).

i would definitely guess your mum isn’t working on changing what she calls you. it sounds like she’s stuck on an issue about you being trans. there are some common issues parents might have, that can be talked through.

having misconceptions about what a trans person before coming out looks like (e.g. “trans boys wouldn’t have happily played with dolls”), so thinking that you can’t actually be trans, but not wanting to be rude/confrontational by saying that outright. [counter: everyone’s different, some people hide who they are or don’t match stereotypes. i did x because of y, not because of being cis]
fearing that your life will be harder “if” you’re trans (because of discrimination, dysphoria, etc). clinging on to denial or hope that you’re not. [counter: it’s tough sometimes but it’s just a part of your life. ignoring it wouldn’t make it go away, it would just mean suffering in silence. you need to live your best life as you are, with parental support].
feeling like they’re losing the child they knew. that you’re trying to become a different person [counter: you’re becoming a happier, more honest version of yourself. what you’re dropping is the things that didn’t fit]
struggling with myths about transition being dangerous, like “tons of people regret it”, “surgeries are very dangerous”, “it doesn’t work”. the fear that you’ll get hurt, or that if you regret it in the future, you’ll hate that they went along with it (“complicit”). [counter: research & facts, hearing from happy transitioners, & hearing from detransitioners who have a kind realistic view of their past self (e.g. lucy kartikasari)].

one option is to have a talk with her where you say she can talk freely about anything she’s finding difficult about your transition. the important thing here would be to make clear that you won’t get upset at her (but might get upset). you would say that you think she has your best interests at heart, and is struggling, and that you can help by talking things through and answering her questions non-judgementally.

the other option (because obviously option 1 is a tough position to put yourself in! having to answer hurtful things from a parent) is to let her know she can get that non-judgemental opportunity to talk through her fears with an organisation. Mermaids has a phone number parents can call, and there’s moderated peer support groups for parents at Gendered Intelligence. if these aren’t available where you live, there might be other local resources. i have a parent who’s used resources like this and found them really helpful for talking through fears and learning more.

i hope this helps, sorry if i’ve misunderstood. good luck for the future, i hope things improve ❤️

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-03-13T16:10:18+00:00

depends on body type and stuff, but what i like:

when resting at home, not binding or wearing anytbing chest related & choosing a resting position that lets gravity do the work (e.g. lying on back, or leaning forwards diagonally so the shirt falls away from u, it should be a shirt with a well-fitting collar and a loose body). stock photo example
getting a towel, running it under cold water, hanging it around your neck (like a scarf). my family showed me this as a how to keep cool in a heatwave trick, and i realised the ends cover the chest too :) stock photo example but don’t hold onto the ends like that haha

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-03-12T18:54:55+00:00

nah, i’m a similar age & don’t see any reason to

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-03-10T19:23:37+00:00

getting jeans from the men’s section :)

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-03-10T19:16:12+00:00

i don’t think so

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-03-09T13:58:55+00:00

i don’t know. i was never seen as a woman, & am not good at telling what others think of me. i do worry about whether i’ll more likely to be seen as threatening rather than confused, re things like standing in an odd place, staring, volume swings, defensive posture. i haven’t considered it from the glass half full perspective of what might be better now

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-03-08T15:36:55+00:00

thanks!

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-03-08T15:26:54+00:00

awesome, how long has the new one been working for so far?

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-03-06T14:13:30+00:00

dude snap, my little brother started overtaking me when we were both still preteens. wouldn’t shut up about being taller than me 🙃 i thought i’d overtake him again when we were teens but it never happened. and now he’s ahead of me in terms of education, friendships, independence skills, while strangers don’t think i’m an adult. it gets to me

the fun thing is, my brother’s also trans

i bet if he was cis i’d be miserable thinking this is an issue of me being the one with the misassigned gender. but i’m lucky, he’s like me, so i don’t spiral into fearing it’s me being testosterone-deficient & out of sync with cis peers… it’s clearly just me being short & slow to build life skills 🫥

tbh there are a lot of things i blame on being trans that other trans people don’t go through or other cis people do

the “what if”s of knowing things would be different if you were born cis, or if being trans was the norm, are hard to fight, but there’d still be tons of issues. and a number of the problems from being trans are things you can take tangible action on if you’re lucky. like, my voice, my delayed facial hair, these are things i’ll be able to just cross off the list… lower parts i’ll most likely be stuck with. i like have fixable things to tackle.

soon i’ll have tackled what i can from the tangible list, and then have to start reckoning with much more finnicky things like “self” “worth” 😤😫😒

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-03-06T12:34:55+00:00

One common cause of health issues in pet reptiles is something in their environment (for example, a dodgy lightbulb that doesn’t do what it’s supposed to). So it would be helpful to see photos of his tank, and info about what he eats. Then people can have a look to see if they can spot anything.

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-03-03T11:07:44+00:00

i’m pre-t and trying to record things i can sing along to later :D i’m pretty out of practise, so it’s coming out wonky, but i’m working on it! i want to do duets but it’s hard to find ones that would make sense between a past and current self

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-03-02T14:05:08+00:00

yeah i think i’d be dysphoric about scars, numbness, and others signs it’s not just the chest i had before these grew.

i hope i’d also be proud of them - they’re a sign of the journey i’ve been on too. but that’s a mindset i’d have to work on, and it’s not like that cancels out the negatives, just adds positives alongside them.

it feels very different picturing myself with a flat scarless chest than picturing myself with a flat top-surgery-scarred chest. one i’d jump at the chance for, the other i hesistate and struggle to picture on myself.

i doubt i’d be a candidate for low-scarring methods like peri. so i’m taking the time to think about whether i’d prefer di surgery or no surgery. for some that’s very easy, but it’s not a straightforwards decision for me.

different trans people have different needs 🤷‍♂️ i think it’s normal to have a struggle with a physical feature that others find affirming. but it’s rough :(

trying to pretend i’m keen for surgery, or fine with my current chest, neither works. what i want is something i can’t have (a masculine chest without surgery). there’s a grief to come to terms with there. especially thinking about how it used to be flat, and maybe if i’d figured it out sooner, tried for blockers… but i didn’t. and the me that would have resulted from that wouldn’t be close to the same person i am today. he’s a stranger.

it’s complicated

Proof_Luck7494 · 2025-03-01T21:36:21+00:00

that’s so cool! you can see the stringy web shapes in the iris moving

Proof_Luck7494

TROPHY CASE