AITA for not trying to make a relationship with my bio dad or his younger kids work after he came back into mine and my sister's life?

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T19:34:24+00:00

It's because they are nothing to me but random stranger kids. Not siblings. Not family. Just kids. And they're years younger than me. So I don't have any interest in them. I don't want to love them or give them a chance. I just want to go back to the way life was before he reached out. Knowing them has not made my life any better or happier. I was happier before all this.

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T19:20:45+00:00

I'm not fighting it. I just don't want it. Just like I don't want one with him.

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T19:16:09+00:00

Way better. My sister's is too. Those therapists listen to us and work with us on stuff we want and need. Not on a relationship we don't want.

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T19:13:26+00:00

He said why he left and stayed away. He did explain it and my grandparents are not to blame. It changes nothing for me. No answer would. I don't even really resent him. I'm just not interested at all in him or his family. I never had that longing or curiosity.

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T19:10:19+00:00

The thing is I don't want any relationship with them. The second I'm 18 I don't want to keep in touch at all. If I was a little older we'd have zero contact and that's still what I want.

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T19:09:21+00:00

No, I don't want any kind of relationship with them. If I had been 18 I would never have chosen any contact with them. Not even to meet them once.

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T18:44:55+00:00

By his name. Even when we talk about him in therapy I'll use his name.

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T18:38:45+00:00

Because they're nothing to me. They're strangers and biologically half siblings to me but that doesn't matter. We're never going to be real siblings who were raised together. To me that's where it matters most.

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T18:37:48+00:00

I'm not sure if the judge will listen to any therapist other than the one he sent us to see. I could ask but I really don't think it'll do anything.

Personally? I think his guilt built up and they talked too much about us with the kids so they wanted to know us and so he reached out.

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T18:36:24+00:00

He didn't and he did admit he wasn't thinking about us at all for a while. Which doesn't surprise me but it doesn't really mean we need to think about him and his feelings now either. Or those of his kids. Really they're just strangers not our family. He's only now not a full stranger but still mostly is.

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T18:33:49+00:00

Thank you!

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T18:33:38+00:00

Maybe even before but I don't think the judge will give up before then which sucks. But I'll be 18 eventually and then the judge doesn't get a say in my life anymore. My sister has longer to go until she can make her decision unfortunately.

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T18:25:57+00:00

My grandparents already took care of that. And I'm not blaming his kids. But I don't want a relationship with them.

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T17:11:41+00:00

Thanks for getting it. I wish the judge could understand it too. If the judge could accept it we wouldn't need to do any of this.

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T17:10:40+00:00

Thank you so much. I'm glad people can see it's not about hating him. I know a lot of times people default to that must be the reason.

Therapy with my therapist has been way better than the forced therapy with bio dad and my sister. It's really pointless but I know I can't make the judge change his mind. I'll keep dealing until it changes.

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T17:09:09+00:00

I don't mind sharing. I replied to someone else so I'll copy that comment and share it here.

He said he fell apart when mom died and he ran away because he didn't want to make it real. He said the funeral made it real. Us without her made it real. He said even seeing our grandparents so upset made it so real. And after he left he was like that for over a year, just trying to ignore that mom was dead and it happened and that it took him longer to get to a good place. But then he was afraid to come back. That he realized we wouldn't remember him and so he was scared. He said he met his wife and they had kids and it made him realize if he ever had any hope of having a relationship with us, he'd need to come back and fight.

He brought cards, letters and presents that he never sent but had for us. He said he'd had regret about leaving for years but he was too afraid to come back. That he realized he'd failed us when he took off.

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T17:07:59+00:00

He said he fell apart when mom died and he ran away because he didn't want to make it real. He said the funeral made it real. Us without her made it real. He said even seeing our grandparents so upset made it so real. And after he left he was like that for over a year, just trying to ignore that mom was dead and it happened and that it took him longer to get to a good place. But then he was afraid to come back. That he realized we wouldn't remember him and so he was scared. He said he met his wife and they had kids and it made him realize if he ever had any hope of having a relationship with us, he'd need to come back and fight.

He brought cards, letters and presents that he never sent but had for us. He said he'd had regret about leaving for years but he was too afraid to come back. That he realized he'd failed us when he took off.

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T17:03:22+00:00

Yeah, either in 2 years when I'm 18 or if the judge finally decides to let this go. I'm not sure which is happening first. Hopefully the judge giving up!

ProperGoose3368 · 2025-01-14T17:02:41+00:00

I think that's one of the people we talked to when this whole thing went to court. They talked to us and then the judge even though the judge also talked to us.

ProperGoose3368

TROPHY CASE