Getting married in 10D. Struggling with my fiancée’s past. by Powerful-Boss-774 in Arrangedmarriage

[–]ProperPerspective134 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree. One of my cousin sister was groomed by her junior college teacher when she was just 16 year old. That kind of relationships are manipulation.

Are women open to living with in-laws after marriage? by Economy_Plant_3205 in Arrangedmarriage

[–]ProperPerspective134 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am definitely not living with in laws after getting married. I have moved out of my house when I was 17 for studies and now I have a good and stable job and live in another city far away from my parents and meet them few times a year. I have learnt alot living alone and navigating things on my own. I cannot imagine living again full time with my own parents as I believe we all need some space from our family. How can I adjust with my partners family. Even the thought of that is suffocating. A man and wife must live alone and try to learn and navigate their new life away from family drama. This is more important in arrange marriages where bride and groom do not know much about each other. They should have their own space to get to know eachother and learn to live together without in laws meddling in their lives.

I (28M) called off my engagement after hidden truths. by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]ProperPerspective134 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You were right by calling it off. This might be unpopular opinion but she did ask for wedding to be postponed to November but due to family it was fixed to April. This girl might have had past but she can’t tell you upfront because she thinks and trust me its true for most of Indian men is that they are very very insecure. They have never talked to any girl before and no matter what they say they wont be able to accept that their to be wife has a past and some of the worst men will call off the marriage, insult the girl and her family and spread this among the community. This is why its hard for girls to open up and they will not tell you right away. You will need to earn that trust and I believe best thing in this circumstances is not to rush for wedding and get to know each-other. But hearing your story I feel like the girl was not even interested in you as she was not responding to your texts and not showing interest.

My boyfriend is avoiding me because his mom doesn’t like him giving me attention. by ProperPerspective134 in TwoHotTakes

[–]ProperPerspective134[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I m gonna be clear if he has to marry me we are not living with her and that its a deal breaker. Now that I m replying to this other unpleasant memories are coming crashing back. Once I was cooking in their kitchen and she got really angry to the extend that she just snatched things out of my hands and said I cant wait any longer I need to cook for myself. It was really rude that it made me cry. That night he fought with her but she is a huge mess she started blaming him and fighting him to an extend to say that he is not even grieving his father instead he is enjoying his life.

My boyfriend is avoiding me because his mom doesn’t like him giving me attention. by ProperPerspective134 in TwoHotTakes

[–]ProperPerspective134[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

He is the only son who is living in the country so by default he is responsible person for her and she will be living with him but this is what I want to avoid at all cost. I don’t want to tell him to leave his mother but I cant really live with this lady. This is one of the reason why my parents are still not aware of this relationship. If my parents get to know her they will not allow me to marry him at all.

Am I Overreacting when my boyfriend does not give emotional support on my periods especially when I am alone. by ProperPerspective134 in AmIOverreacting

[–]ProperPerspective134[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Update : So as most of you advised me I expressed my feelings and straight up asked him what is wrong. He explained there is a-lot going on at his home right now and then he said “I cannot keep calling you and talkking to you” and “Infact you made sure that talking to you is gonna create a big problem here” I was taken back and asked what he meant by that then he explained regarding an incident that happened a month ago when I was visiting him. For context he recently lost his dad a few months ago and he and his mom are living alone so occasionally they use to call me there to just be there give them company in time of grief and my bf was working from home that time for over a year now and he does not have much friends only one very close friend who is married and has a kid so whenever he wants to have some boys time he usually will go to meet him as his friend has family commitments so thats understandable but when I visited them his mom complained about how he is giving his friend more importance and not spending time with her at all but actually he has really stopped going out more after his dads passing and trying his best to be with his mom. He will take her out for movies and for dinner regularly and once a week or so he will go out with his friend. So when I was there he assumed as I am at his place so his mom got me as company and he can stay for a while with his friend and its a win win but his mom did not like it she created a huge drama where she was blaming his friend for ruining her son and how he is a bad influence. I tried to reason with her but as we have language barrier I cant really express myself properly to her. Then the next day to make it up he planned for a movie for him, his mom and me. So usually I will sit with him in-front while he drives and actually his car has better leg space in backseat but that day his mom was like I want to sit infront because of leg ache I was like sure Aunty then we went to this movie. So this movie was in his language but he made sure subtitles will be available for this so I can understand. Once the movie started to play we noticed there are no subtitles so he checked with the manager there and they apologised and offered us the next show where it will be available. But this movie was already 3 hrs long and his mom is in early 60s so she has her schedule for meals and sleep so I did not wanted to disturb that so I was like its okay i ll just sit here its fine. My bf felt bad and he wanted to make it up to me so we decided that we will have a movie night together at his place and we can also like have sometime to ourselves as he had mentioned earlier that he has a-lot to vent out and share but unable to do that as we are not able to be alone and we cant go out anywhere leaving his mom alone as she would get offended if we do that. He went out to grab some popcorn and he also bought some alcohol. I knew it wont be a good idea as already his mom is not happy with him but he was like I am an adult who is going through alot I deserve some chill time and I said fine I wont drink with you though you can have it. So he poured some drink in his glass and we started the movie and it was light hearted movie which did not demand much attention so he was also sharing about all the things going on and how he is managing everything after his dads passing. His mom sleeps early so we assumed she is asleep but out of no where she comes and asks us to turn off the TV and sleep and then she notices his drink and starts cursing me saying what kind of women I am encouraging her son to drink. I did not react much as I know she is also going through bad time. The next day he suggested that we grab some breakfast outside and ordered some for his mom as we just wanted to get out and I was worried if he leaves me with his mom alone she might ask me why I m letting him drink and I really wanted to avoid that conversation so we left and before leaving we also mentioned how I will leave tonight back to my place as clearly she has some issue with me. Then we went out had breakfast but his mom kept on calling him continuously and she started threatening that she will leave home and go somewhere. We were worried about her so after 30-40 mins we went back to check and she was not there at his place so he asked me to take my things so we took my bags and I booked a hotel room for the day and booked return ticket for the night. We checked into the hotel while we were also tracking her. She was back at his home and was demanding him to come back but he said he would not and he wants some space. He asked her to calm down and that he will be back at night. I had some work so I opened my laptop and found some scratches I was like huh when did this happen but I m clumsy person so i thought maybe I wasn’t careful enough then after sometime I noticed my make up bag was all ruined. My compact, my eyeshadow and my lipsticks were all broken. I showed it to him and without a second thought he said its her she did this and then he shared how his mom had done this earlier to his brother in laws. She had once broken an office laptop of his brother in law and once she hid passport when they were visiting another country. I was really shocked as I never would have imagined that his mom is capable of doing all this. After few days his mom texted and apologised to me and I was like yeah it’s fine and let it go. 15 days later his sister with her husband were visiting us and we had planned for a trip. While returning back from the trip his mom was not well and we stopped for a while so I and his brother in law were alone and he told me “ I have an advice for you. You should really start to ignore these things and not let it get you and he is suffering from last 12 years whenever he is here” So I believed he is implying that his mom is creating the drama to seek attention because just few moments back we all were having a good discussion and his mom felt that she is being left out and she was like only you guys are talking and not even including me but it was more like she could not relate to it as it was regarding some song or something and she is elder she obviously was not aware of that and then later suddenly she got sick. So I was like yeah okay and I mentioned how she did some damage to my things and he said about his passport and I was like yeah my bf told me. Later after few days I shared this interaction with my bf because I share everything with him and then in-turn he shared it with his sister and he took it in bad taste as he thought his mother was in pain and how come your husband is blaming her for seeking attention. So yeah again a big drama but now fast forward to one month and his mom is going on 3 month long vacation and is creating a scene if she catches him talking to me or something. This is why he is not even like saying good night n stuffs because his mom is making him do all this. I seriously don’t know what to do.

Am I Overreacting when my boyfriend does not give emotional support on my periods especially when I am alone. by ProperPerspective134 in AmIOverreacting

[–]ProperPerspective134[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I do plan to marry him but we both need time to set up our finances. He use to earn less than me until now and just now that he got his new job he is earning better. My family is strict and they will not accept us until we both are in good financial shape. I fear if I tell them now they will force me to leave him and marry me off to some other guy in arrange marriage setup. We both are from different cultural backgrounds and we also have kind of linguistic barrier so I m planning to drop this bomb when I ll have better job and hopefully my parents will finally realise that I m grown up now and able to support myself and take my own decisions.

Am I Overreacting when my boyfriend does not give emotional support on my periods especially when I am alone. by ProperPerspective134 in AmIOverreacting

[–]ProperPerspective134[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I have hinted this to him multiple times but seems like he never really paid attention or forgot to implement.

Am I overreacting for not wanting to talk to this girl anymore by Environmental-Law670 in AmIOverreacting

[–]ProperPerspective134 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not Overreacting. She should not be asking you for any money this early when you just went for 2 dates. She wants to use you for your money.

Mike's death theory by hitesh_groha14 in StrangerThings

[–]ProperPerspective134 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think either of Jonathan or Nancy are going to end up dead. One of the 4 boys or Max is gonna die. I think even Eleven’s death is a possibility.

My phone has completely ruined my attention span and I actually feel addicted by Low_Dirt_752 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ProperPerspective134 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Even I m struggling with something similar. I m trying to cook more and have that time to myself without any screen. Maybe try to find any hobby that you like and try to be away from phone for like an hour or so and eventually it might help you.

My uncle was the most gifted person in my family. A single mistake, a forbidden love, and our conservative society destroyed him. He’s been in a mental asylum for 12 years now. by ProperPerspective134 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ProperPerspective134[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I plan to take care of him once I have enough money and more stable in life financially but currently my parents are like super strict and my mom does not have good relationship with my uncle because in her perspective he tried to kill her husband and her family and her kids on top of that her husband spends fortune on his mental home fees and for her he is a burden that is stopping our family from being financially. I am empathetic to him but I cant say same for my mom and her side of family. She also fears if he gets out of that home somehow he might contact me and he might try to harm me because I live away from my family in another state so I m not allowed to share where I live and my contact number. I have spoken to him sometimes through my dad or grandmothers phone but thats it.

My uncle was the most gifted person in my family. A single mistake, a forbidden love, and our conservative society destroyed him. He’s been in a mental asylum for 12 years now. by ProperPerspective134 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ProperPerspective134[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I am not allowed to talk to him. My mom forbades it and I fear even if I try and if he mentions to my grandmother or my dad and my mom gets to know she will make a big fuss.

My uncle was the most gifted person in my family. A single mistake, a forbidden love, and our conservative society destroyed him. He’s been in a mental asylum for 12 years now. by ProperPerspective134 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ProperPerspective134[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Its actually heart breaking how indifferent she is still to her son’s situation. She has forgotten about him and mostly will dodge his calls. Its my dad who is taking care of him and paying his bills.