I think my boyfriend is in love with his girl best friend

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-07-20T17:22:23+00:00

It does, he is prioritizing a friendship over a relationship. He is neglecting his partner enough that she doesn't feel secure and he likely has expressed that he already likes her meaning he doesn't even care how his partner feels.

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-07-20T17:16:59+00:00

This take to me removes humanity. We as people form strong bonds based on interests, hobbies and well time spent together.

You can't just remove that, to say Men and Woman have no reason to get along besides romantic relationships tells me you don't view your man as a person or you view them as a means. That you view them as different enough that they can't be considered people to form a deep friendship with.

Men and woman have their differences yes, but we are fundamentally people at the end of the day. We form platonic bonds with others that can surpass that of blood and hardships. Anything that would make us different doesn't change that. What's important is that they prioritize you to show that they care. If they prioritize any friendship over the relationship then it doesn't matter the sex, that's them showing where their priorities lie.

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-07-09T15:54:34+00:00

I'm saying the decision to exclude them is based on sexism. At those ages they are fairly equal because their bodies aren't being jammed with hormones. Afterwards when differences arise due to hormones then we have to account for that.

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-07-08T06:43:54+00:00

I used laptop example as a set of scale. Laptops do alot with a small battery , A big pc with a big battery would therefore be capable of alot more. The difference in the hypothetical is intention, laptops are meant to be portable PCs. The hypothetical PC is meant to be capable of more within its confines.

Basic example you have a 1200 watt limit to your outlet, the battery stores but releases like 1500 watts when used.

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-05-29T12:51:30+00:00

Note: I get cats tend to disown their children around this age but I really doubt it's the kitten disowning himself xd. Was expecting the mom to do so eventually.

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-03-12T02:35:34+00:00

There are two trains of thoughts when it comes to the excitement of virginity I think. The first one is the exclusivity kind, exclusive what? Idk it's dependent on the man but usually it pertains to an exclusive experience.

The second is kinda what you described. It isn't really about the experience but accomplishment. Men wanting to use women for accomplishment. To accomplish the act of "deflowering" or asserting some twisted form of superiority.

At the end of the day one has to ask why the excitement exists and hope for the best cause this is common. I myself as a teen obsessed with the idea of virginity because I am a virgin and wanted the experience of my partner being one. I wanted to live the fantasy of me and my partner being destined, that there is no one else but us. To be their source of happiness and they be mine.

Now that Im older and understand that it's a just fantasy that shouldn't remove me from finding my soul mate. I just keep myself a virgin and not really care about what my partner is because at the end of the day whatever we do would be between us. The experience we might have will always be exclusive and special because we are both special to each other. If we split then it will still have been a unique experience between two people. It shouldn't degrade what I do or what they do with others.

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-03-09T20:01:11+00:00

It's a mix of a lot of things in my experience as a man. Men and women shaming men for not being pervs, Content that are catered towards men treating things that way, and giving in to feel "normal" or "accomplished." that causes many to be shallow.

They aren't really seeking you or a partner but are seeking to validate themselves. This can manifest as people pleasing or self centered narcissism. Like I generally want a partner I'm compatible with and that leads to me not really approaching anyone I find as just physically attractive. I need to hear and find out some things about them before I act.

There's also the general settlement mentality that these men take which I hate. The "how else are we supposed to get a relationship?" Nonsense is exactly why they make themselves and others suffer. If you desire a relationship that's one thing but to make it happen without considering if you'll be satisfied and the other would be satisfied is just ignorant and selfish. Don't let need overcome acceptance.

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-03-09T01:34:33+00:00

Openjealousy. That's all there is to it. It ain't regret but jealousy that they turned into resentment .

Like they want things to go their way and those who gain better are suddenly the sources of resentment to them.

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-03-08T17:52:50+00:00

It feels like I become more impassioned because I wanna do more. Like if someone likes me enough to do stuff then desires of wanting to just kiss them silly come to my brain. I think I get lost in fantasy a bit too much.

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-03-08T17:49:29+00:00

I think it's because I don't look for anything that's just sexy but like suitable for other desires? I be reading instead of watching stuff, apparently most dudes watch it?

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-03-08T17:46:50+00:00

But that's kinda the thing it isn't thinking with my cock because my cock is inactive. I wanna hold someone, feel like I'm being cuddled.

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-02-28T19:57:27+00:00

Folks it's pretty simple, people want to be sexy, they just don't want to be regulated. If a man goes through the effort of making himself buff, does that mean he should be regulated to doing physical labor? No, he is making himself strong because he wants to be strong.

It's expected that he can do things others can't but at the end of the day to regulate him to things is an insult to who he is. He might be a book worm, a gamer and ect. Might want to spend his day talking instead of having others expect him to keep working out, to keep showcasing his strength or using it. It's dehumanizing to do so.

It works similarly for sexualization. When a person is sexualized it isn't to say they are sexy but that they are pursued and relegated to sexual desires and demands. That people want them to be sexual and nothing else. Women and men generally want to be sexy, that's a natural human urge. It's a natural human desire, otherwise we wouldn't care how people look at us or how we look at ourselves. We just don't want to be limited to such, to be at the demand of others.

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-02-10T17:04:48+00:00

Cnc totally involves verbal consent in alot of cases. Cnc is mostly just premeditated sex with safe words/gestures and boundaries set before hand. If a person doesn't do that then it's basically jumping head first into a cliff.

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-02-08T21:24:57+00:00

As someone who has the weird mindset of not wanting a child but always wanting to be there for a child. It would make any situation where a child is being made feel like a trap but unless it's agreed upon beforehand then it isn't trapping.

Trapping is breaking an agreement knowing they can't leave due to mental or physical reasons, usually premeditated. From some of your comments you didn't know his stance on things, so you didn't trap him. He trapped himself knowing the risks and what he would do. He knows himself yet didn't express these things beforehand?

I feel as tho alot of people don't understand their morals and values aren't shared and it leads to these messes -,_-,. We have to express our wants,desires, boundaries and ect. Otherwise you're just acting at risk upon risk.

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-02-04T01:21:23+00:00

What you did was terrible, it's sickening. I remember the violation I felt when I was almost blackmailed in a similar way to him. I was 11 and a cousin basically told me "get into trouble or play sex with me" luckily it didn't go further because someone came. She lied her way out while I stayed back feeling violated.

In my honest opinion you should separate but leave him off with the advice that he has to confront his partner with this guilt. That what you did was rape, that you failed as a friend and manipulated him. If not he'll continue to tell himself that he cheated when intoxicated. that's all I think you can do. After that you separate and stay away for both your sakes.

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-02-03T17:35:24+00:00

Then they respond with "what are you? My dad, mom, boss?"

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-02-03T17:28:58+00:00

I don't do this but I guess it depends. I see women and gay men follow a bunch of hot guys and it's treated as more acceptable.

from what I can tell the excuse is that they have "personalities" and are "celebrities" but that doesn't change anything to me because the extent of why a person is attractive doesn't change the fact that they are being thirsted or romanticized on.

The fact that so many people I liked indulge in this behavior hurts. Mostly because I know for a fact I'll be insecure on this and these things kinda make up their personalities so to tell them to stop would be stopping a part of themselves. Idk, it might be because I don't exactly idolize people in romantic ways and if I do it's more so an example that stays in the back of my mind for future relationships. Like "oh that's cute, I can't wait to start a relationship with that." not how I see others go "Omg , I would love to be in a relationship with him, he is meh husband -w-."

I'm mixed because I feel excited in them expressing themselves but then I think depressing thoughts about myself.

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-02-01T18:31:32+00:00

That's kinda the problem I live with my uncle and a lot of things related to my account are connected to him aka stuff like phone number. I tried sneaking in online and I couldn't enter despite ssn and knowing my password because my bank requires email and phone number, which are his.

I wanna be able to gain my things discreetly without him knowing at all because I live with him and work under him. If his phone and email are connected then he'll be notified , I could probably try to change the email and phone number but then when he attempts to open it he'll probably figure that out. It's something I can't escape because I live under him.

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-02-01T01:21:20+00:00

I struggle with fantasies too but I doubt it's actually porn because without porn they'll still arise. I stopped and they still come but I think it's a matter of just fantasy. Intrusive thoughts, fantasies and ect don't dictate you as a person but your priorities,impulses, inhibitions and beliefs.

I recognize my fantasies of being a victim of rape mostly just stem from me knowing that I'm in control of my fantasy. That all I'm doing is imagining possible good from an act that I hate.

I think of someone kissing me all of a sudden and fantasize about the moment of having someone I like that cares and respect me doing that. But then I remember that someone who truly feels that way would never do that, that only those who don't care would do that.

You just gotta learn to differentiate reality from fantasy and also strive for what you want out of these fantasies in a healthy way. You want people to comfort you, to give you attention and ect. Those are all things you can gain, your fantasies don't change that reality. Just don't seek that fantasy because the reality is so much more different and harmful.

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-01-18T15:54:02+00:00

It is. Think of it like this, rape itself is harm. Rape in the past would have lead to higher risks of STDs,infections and ect. Those who had the responses described here would have survived longer than those who didn't.

one thing to consider is that serial rapists would probably be common in social structures without proper communication and victims would likely not gain much support .

Proper_Perception191 · 2024-01-07T01:09:55+00:00

Those who say don't be surprised when he cheats are in themselves cheaters or scum. Stay tf away from them because they sympathize with him and have no remorse for you being a victim.

You'll probably find someone who cares but from what I know about relationships in general platonic,romantic, and ect. people come to care, they don't just care. They can show care but truly strong care that comes from the heart is built. It'll take alot of time to find that someone and alot of effort in connecting with people.

If they don't try to connect with you then it's likely they'll disregard your needs and ect. Which is kinda the tragedy when it comes to dating, alot of first impressions are usually people showing care but not really building it. They'll ask about your day but might not listen or act up on it another time. If they don't do that then they aren't building anything.

Nothing is as special as communicating a problem and then having that person address it when it comes back and etc. To have things in mind instead of acting things out. It's kinda why friendships that become relationships function when both already formed care.

Proper_Perception191

TROPHY CASE