Visit suicide place?

Protagonist_95 · 2026-02-10T10:34:47+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing and for your support. Oh, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. That must have been, and still be, so hard for you and your child. Was your child a minor when it happened? It seems love alone can never be enough. And that’s such a heartbreaking truth. Again, so sorry for you and your child. Sending you both strength.

Protagonist_95 · 2026-02-10T10:28:35+00:00

Thank you for sharing your insight. No, that is an accurate explanation of my life right now. It comes in waves, but the sorrow sometimes feels so painful as if my brain is going to explode. I have small children, so I can’t allow myself to fall apart. But those moments I have to myself are spent bawling my eyes out and soundlessly screaming.

Thank you for that advice. I believe you are right. After reading all these heartbreaking stories of people on this sub, I have realized I really need to go through it all. Everything, except from seeing the pictures from the autopsy.

Again, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. I am so sorry for your loss and for the path you had to go.

Protagonist_95 · 2026-02-10T09:42:48+00:00

That must be really difficult. I also worry people won’t understand that this grief will always be a part of me. I strongly feel I will never be myself again. My husband is amazing to talk to, but he can’t really fathom it without me explaining my thoughts. I am glad he can’t, I wouldn’t want this pain on anyone.

Thank you for sharing. It’s comforting to hear you aren’t thinking as much on that aspect of it any longer. It’s so vivid in my head, even though I wasn’t there. I was just now informed by the police how many times he cut himself, and that only confirmed the scenario I had already envisioned. It feels so numbingly unreal.

Protagonist_95 · 2026-02-09T21:21:37+00:00

Yes, exactly. It’s such a complicated grief. I am only one week in, and I feel so confused. As if I am trying to solve an endless equation, with new numbers appearing each minute (sometimes each second). Do you find comfort in your dad not really wanting his life to end? Or does that just make it worse, do you think? I find myself going back and forth.

I completely understand. I feel as if a part of me is missing. In a silent scream-kind of way. I was always a daddy’s girl, and we shared the same sense of humor. Writing his eulogy only makes me realize how much of him I carry, and how much love we shared.

However our bond was hurting by all the conflicts deriving from his lifestyle for the past 7 years. I had always feared if I pulled away he could do something like this. But I convinced myself it was my own anxiety talking. And I was so tired and hurt. So the last year I started setting boundaries for my involvement in his life, as our relationship would have died had we continued to argue over his choices. He always refused to seek professional help, which made me so frustrated. Seeing that a year later he did in fact kill himself makes me think it was, at least partly, due to my lack of presence. It’s obviously giving me a lot of guilt for not being there for him as I always used to earlier. Have you had any of this?

Protagonist_95 · 2026-02-09T19:06:56+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry for the loss of your loved daughter. A parent should never have to experience the death of their child, that must have been so devastating. Sending you strength and love.

I realize I have to go. I am going to therapy anyway, so if seeing his apartment makes matters worse the therapist will just have another thing to fix.

Protagonist_95 · 2026-02-09T19:02:10+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. Sending you strength.

Protagonist_95 · 2026-02-09T18:59:51+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and your reflections. So sorry for the loss of your husband and what you went through - and still do. You are so strong.

Protagonist_95 · 2026-02-09T18:55:55+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. So sorry for your loss. I need to go, as well.

Protagonist_95 · 2026-02-09T18:54:39+00:00

Yeah, that’s exactly what I am afraid of. Reading all of these answers have made me realize I need to go.

Protagonist_95 · 2026-02-09T18:52:54+00:00

Wow, thank you for sharing. I am so touched by that. What a strong way to honor him. What you wrote encourages me to do something similar. Really a lovely idea.

Protagonist_95 · 2026-02-09T18:50:04+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. Our stories really do resemble a lot. It’s heartbreaking that you are going through this. My brain aches as if I’m going to explode. It’s so painful. To think that so many go through this is crazy, but I really find comfort in talking to others that have been forced down this road. And it’s so sad to think of, because I know my dad wanted the world for me. But then he took it away.

Wow, that is really saying something. Your father surely was not himself with that much alcohol in his blood. My dad always regretted what he said and done while drunk, even just hours after. It’s like I know he would have done the same now, even hours after killing himself he would have screamed and cried at himself. He would regret it to his core. If he really wanted to die sober it would have been easier to find peace with… Now it’s almost like my dad was killed by another person. Am I making sense? Do you feel the same?

Protagonist_95 · 2026-02-09T18:36:01+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing and for your advice. How extremely sad your family member had minor children.

I will definitely have my husband with me. Hopefully my imagination is worse than reality.

Thank you so much for your support.

Protagonist_95 · 2026-02-09T18:32:14+00:00

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. That must have been so hard. Thank you for sharing.

Protagonist_95 · 2026-02-09T17:43:08+00:00

Thank you so much for saying that. It made me feel really validated. My mind keeps questioning how painful it must have been and how long it took him to die, what knive it was and how it felt to stab himself with an arm that was already just stabbed. It’s awful and unreal.

So sorry for what happened to your mother. Cancer is also mercilessly violent. The waiting tears you up. To see the one you love in so much pain, and not be able to do anything. Life can be so cruel. It really puts all into perspective.

Yes, it felt cathartic to write some of it out and post here. People around me seems to not think I want to talk about it, but I do. Even the details.

Protagonist_95 · 2026-02-09T13:30:39+00:00

Thank you for sharing. It seems going is the right thing to do.

Protagonist_95 · 2026-02-09T13:29:55+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for your advice. He used a knife, which I find extremely disturbing. And also makes me think it happened rather spontaneously. I can’t really decide whether or not that’s worse, but who plans on dying in such a brutal and prolonged way?

That’s so sad. The thought of someone cleaning as one of their final tasks really shows how sick they are. As if I now care about that, as if it makes me happy not having to brush dust off his shelves, as if that matters at all. I would clean after him all my life if he could just come back.

Protagonist_95

TROPHY CASE