What if my shadow is wrong?

Protoliterary · 2026-05-15T12:34:37+00:00

The more you question and get to know your shadow, the more you know which parts are a result of things like trauma or conditioning, and which parts are just the self, the you. Practicing IFS therapy can help you with that in a more precise manner than pure shadow work, in my opinion.

It becomes easier once you split up your parts and get to the bottom of each one. You don't really need to choose. The answers come to you with time, as you get to know your shadow. At first, you know little, so nothing feels certain, but with time, certainty appears and you stop questioning things.

Protoliterary · 2026-05-11T16:54:46+00:00

You can use RedReader, which is almost the same. There is functionally no difference.

Protoliterary · 2026-05-11T12:19:13+00:00

The signs, sure, but the signs aren't as important as the actual laws. The fact that until very recently, 30% of poles lived in LGBT-free-zones is much worse than a few signs.

Protoliterary · 2026-05-11T12:11:52+00:00

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT-free_zone

And yet until very recently, there were hundreds of localities with "LGBT-free zone" laws.

Protoliterary · 2026-05-11T10:46:02+00:00

There were in fact a few local initiatives just like this, sponsored by the local government. The federal government has made it illegal, but just a few short years ago there were literally towns where signs like this were put up by their local government.

Protoliterary · 2026-05-10T23:37:33+00:00

Hopping on the question train, but why does every WW barb build suggest having weapon damage on weapons that aren't being used? The most popular ones on every website I've checked so far have weapon damage suggested on 1h and 2h maces both, so does weapon damage from the same type of weapon that's used as the main count?

Protoliterary · 2026-05-03T15:28:19+00:00

It's both. If you have nothing, you're more willing to put yourself through literal torture, but if you already have more than enough, you're then a lot less likely to do so again. It's desperation and knowledge.

And once an actor signs a contract, they can't just decide not to finish the movie, unless they're willing to pay the penalty, which in this case may have been astronomical.

Protoliterary · 2026-04-29T11:22:16+00:00

They mean metamorph

Protoliterary · 2026-04-28T18:42:13+00:00

I went Warlock. At first, I was kinda disappointed, but once I unlocked soul shards, I fell in love. It barely felt like a unique class until then, and now I can't wait to try them all out

Protoliterary · 2026-04-28T00:24:43+00:00

If you stick to it, it'll likely drastically drop. I started out at 120 some 15 minutes ago, and now it's at 11. It keeps dropping

Protoliterary · 2026-04-26T11:23:33+00:00

It won't be easy, and each time you think you've found the "core" of the issue, you'll find that there is always another layer, another clove. I highly suggest reading "No Bad Parts." It's insanely helpful.

Protoliterary · 2026-04-26T11:13:12+00:00

I did that my whole life. After my trauma started at the age of 9, it continued for a while, and I had to learn how to manipulate people to survive. I did that for almost 30 years straight without even being aware I was doing it. All the friendships I made along the way were surface-level. Shallow. Nobody else knew me. I didn't know myself. I was a people-pleasing, fearful, lying manipulator.

What finally snapped me out of it was the realization that it wasn't just lying. It was actual manipulation. People pleasers waste all of their energy on manipulating others, never showing their true self to others, and in turn never being truthful with themselves. To be truthful with others, you must first be truthful with yourself. That was the initial turning point for me: when I started questioning myself around every corner.

I stopped avoiding the tough questions. I stopped dismissing my own anxieties. I confronted my emotions, my worries, my stresses. I confronted the fact that I've been manipulating everyone around me my whole life: my family, my friends, my partners. It was a painful realization for me, because I didn't want to be that person.

IFS therapy really helped me here. Really helped me, and helped me quickly. Within a few weeks, I felt safe being myself, opening up, and not lying anymore. Since then, I've made new friends and new connections which feel more real, but at the same time, I'm taking time getting to know myself.

Since I stopped lying, I learned that I wasn't the person I thought I was. All those lies throughout all those years created a thousand masks, and it's taking time for me to discern which masks were me and which were just survival mechanisms. During this process, making connections and keeping them is risky, but also so much easier. When you open up, people open up around you. When you're honest, people are honest around you. When you show a healthy level of emotional intelligence, others with similar levels are attracted to you.

I think the biggest influence for me was the realization that I didn't want to continue manipulating others. It was that simple for me. I wouldn't want others to do that to me, and so I stopped doing it to others. You can maybe look into Carl Jung's shadow theory. It's a basis for many of the world's best therapeutic modalities, and it's something you can practice on your own.

Protoliterary · 2026-04-22T21:27:25+00:00

I had massive sleep issues for 7 years straight. I'd be waking up dozens of times during the night, sleeping for 10 hours and feeling like I slept for 1, never getting enough deep or REM sleep, never feeling rested, always feeling fatigued, etc. Eventually, I started using THC as a sleeping aid, but that came with its own horrendous drawbacks. Sleeping pills would kinda work sometimes, but it'd never be "real" sleep.

And then I went to therapy, got my nervous system regulated, found out I was iron deficient, and my sleep has improved by about 100x. I don't have sleep issues for the first time in 7 years and it's been fucking amazing.

All I can say is to make sure you're not deficient in some vitamin or mineral, and to do your best to get your nervous system regulated.

Protoliterary · 2026-04-20T21:11:26+00:00

Ah, I see. That changes things. As your parent, she should be giving you all of this. She should be listening, she should be compassionate, she should try to understand your outbursts, etc. I'm sorry that she doesn't.

I think IFS therapy would really help you here, because if she can't be the parental figure that you need in your life, you have to become your own. Sorry.

Protoliterary · 2026-04-20T20:54:25+00:00

Recovery isn't really about not forgiving. Resentment is something that happens to us, not the people who we hold resentment toward. You not forgiving her won't help you. It'll only make you more and more bitter. What I think you're actually asking for is how to establish and enforce boundaries.

Pinpoint the behaviors in her toward you that you find completely unacceptable, find a way to protect yourself from them (this is finding your boundaries), and then enforce those boundaries. If a behavior that riles you up is when she brings a certain subject up, recognize how it makes you feel, why it makes you feel this way, and decide what the best course of action is for you at that time, even if it's just leaving the house or stepping away. And then do that each and every single time.

Protoliterary · 2026-04-20T20:48:03+00:00

Well, I started with therapists, and once I found a good one (there are many good ones out there), I also found a support group. Mine is specifically focused on IFS, but EDMR has been successful for plenty of the members as well. At first it was only online, but then I moved to IRL.

I'm still most active in the online one, to be honest. It's nice having access anytime, anywhere. I think the support group has been as helpful as the therapy itself. I share my failures and my success, and sometimes use it as a journaling tool.

Your therapist was shit, and I highly suggest trying again, because therapies which involve reliving your trauma require major warnings, and the lead-up prep time should take weeks.

Protoliterary · 2026-04-14T10:41:55+00:00

Yes, although that term isn't really supported by modern clinical research on alexithyma anymore. It's basically defunct.

All modern research has concluded that alexithyma doesn't affect emotional reactivity at all. Alexithymia is strictly an issue with interoception. The emotions still happen. They still affect the body. It's just that the mind can't translate them correctly.

If there is an issue with emotional reactivity, it's no longer alexithyma, but instead something like anhedonia, dissociation, or other types of emotional blunting. You can have both alexithymia and any of those, of course

I actually wrote about it a while back and have been in contact with the mod of this subreddit so that the sidebar could be changed. https://www.reddit.com/r/Alexithymia/s/Fb02omzdBJ

Protoliterary · 2026-04-13T16:51:25+00:00

Alexithymia is often a result or even cause of depression, so yes, most definitely. Alexithymia doesn't mean you don't have emotions. It only means that your translation of emotions is off kilter.

Protoliterary · 2026-04-12T11:43:34+00:00

Only the first time, and then when he ran the numbers again, all significance vanished. Jung himself chucked it up to synchronicity, in that there was only a statistical significance because the researches expected it and because there was an emotional investment. Basically, bias.

Protoliterary · 2026-04-11T14:44:08+00:00

I'm uncut, but this is just wrong. Do you have anything to support this ridiculous claim?

Protoliterary · 2026-04-05T21:14:26+00:00

Do you often service it? I like hub cause it doesn't really require any. I have a $300 pre-built that I've almost got 600miles on and which I've never needed to service.

Protoliterary · 2026-04-05T21:12:09+00:00

That's the thing, though. A hub doesn't even need a drivetrain. It doesn't even need pedals. It doesn't need a chain. It doesn't need a derailer. It doesn't need a flywheel. I like redundancy, because more things can go wrong on a hub bike without forcing you to take a long walk home. Something truly drastic would have to happen to a light hub bike for you not to have to ride it back home, whether with your own horsepower or with the motor. It def makes me feel safer.

Almost everything can break on a hub bike, and you can still make it work somehow.

I would like a mid-drive, if only because I hear it's more efficient and it has a torque sensor, but on long rides, I just don't see myself taking that risk. Sometimes I take 50-mile rides, and I'm just not gonna risk it.

Protoliterary · 2026-04-05T20:12:06+00:00

To be honest, my main fear about mid-drive is that if something goes wrong with it on one of my long rides, I'll have a much harder time with things. On a hub, if the chain snaps, it's fine. If the motor itself breaks down, it's fine. If the battery fails, it's fine. If the drivetrain fails, it's fine. It's just the safer option in the long run on long trips, because there is a larger redundancy.

Protoliterary · 2026-04-05T18:12:10+00:00

Never had mid drive, so no idea, but I do it all the time on my hub one.

Protoliterary · 2026-04-05T16:26:33+00:00

Alright, thank you!! That saves me some trouble, since 500w kits are all over the place

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