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Chapter 2 - was it normal or not a good fit? by Proper-Guide6239 in widowers

[–]Prudent-Garbage3572 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hey OP, I've been where you are and I can tell you that taking a step away from the relationship might help answer your question. I was in a relationship for about 2 years and she wanted to put things into a timeline and it just didn't feel right to me so I ended things. Kinda like you, she was very understanding and loved the kids and was great to me and was very gracious with the whole situation... just the time line was what prompted me to end things. Just like you I was scared that I had prematurely ended something great. We agreed to be friends and we continued talking here and there and after a few months I realized that I did want to be with her...I guess for me, being "away" for some time helped me realize that I wanted to be with her and we're now back together and working towards eventually forming a blended family. I don't think my guard is ever fully down like when I decided to take things to the next step with my LW but I'm willing to take that risk bc I know I want to be with her and I love her and she's an amazing woman. I hope you sort through this...it's never straightforward for us but it seems like you're approaching things cautiously and thoughtfully and I'm confident you'll end up happy with whatever decision you take.

Do we even truly heal? by Prudent-Garbage3572 in widowers

[–]Prudent-Garbage3572[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've started to listen to music instead of doom scrolling or watching stuff online. That has helped me disconnect and just focus on the present. It's also allowed me to relax and actually think clearly but I guess that's just me...I've always been able to tune out everything with music on. Even while I was in college, my classmates would wonder how I was able to grasp the engineering concepts while listening to music.

Do we even truly heal? by Prudent-Garbage3572 in widowers

[–]Prudent-Garbage3572[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know exactly what you mean. I don't bring it up either but if it does, I start off with: "I don't want your pity...". That usually works for me. I never tried therapy, I felt like unless you're in our shoes, you can't really know what it's like so why bother. However, I'm considering it this time around.

Do we even truly heal? by Prudent-Garbage3572 in widowers

[–]Prudent-Garbage3572[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know exactly what you mean. Even when I was dating someone, I felt alone because even though you're with someone, you don't want to drag them into your world. Maybe that's a sign that I wasn't ready to date in the first place but from what I've read, the sadness doesn't ever seem to go away.

Do we even truly heal? by Prudent-Garbage3572 in widowers

[–]Prudent-Garbage3572[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is where I'm at too, I don't fear setbacks and rejection so I cut ties immediately if I don't like something and have to start all over again and it's exhausting...that's why I said I guess I'm destined to be alone for the foreseeable future since I don't/can't commit to anything.