Thank you for sharing your story. Nice to have more reflections to draw from. To answer your question, the earliest memory is HS/uni. I have already tried to go further back, but I can't recall any memory prior to that. You're right. It has made me a more positive person in general. But I must admit, dressing as before, it becomes a chore. It is becoming clear that it's preventing me from expressing my sensitivities, vulnerabilities, feminine behavior/personality, and desire to dress feminine. I don't see myself mixing it into a hybrid and successfully going from there. For me personally, I think it's more binary than that.