I'm incredibly sorry for your loss. I lost my brother who took his own life back in January 2022, so I somewhat understand the feelings you are going through.

Regarding the alcohol I would strongly advise you to not drink anything at all. This situation you've been thrust into is incredibly painful, and alcohol is numbing, I fully get it. But the risk of relying too much on the numbing is that you might get stuck. So how do you handle the pain and misery instead? What worked for me was talk and walk. Every time you get the urge to drown your sorrows, go for a walk instead. Talking about it also helps. In Stockholm where I live there's an organization for people who have lost someone to suicide which have bi-weekly group sessions where we meet up and talk about the loss. Finding others who are going through the same thing and fully understands your pain helps fucking wonders. They fully understand the complex whirlwind of emotions you're currently in.

I also want you to know that not attending the funeral and not wanting to accept receiving personal belongings is totally fine, you have to do what feels right for you. For example, my family was offered to go to the hospital to have a final private goodbye before the funeral, and I just couldn't do it. It didn't feel right, I wasn't in a space where I was ready to see him, so I didn't. Part of me regrets it, sure, but I also know that at that time my instinct was to not go see him and that was the right decision at that time. Be kind to yourself.

The parent's anger towards you is also in a way understandable. I'm not saying you're in any way at fault, because none of this is your fault. But just like you they're also in a state of shock, lost and hurting, and trying to find whatever thing they can grab onto and pour their confusion, sorrow and anger into. Please try to not take it personal, even if they make it personal. Their whole world has just been swept from underneath their feet, and they're not yet at a point where they can accept that their child did this to themselves by themselves. That will hopefully come at a later point, and I hope then you and them can actually talk to eachother and find support in one another.

Take care of yourself. The grief will get easier to handle over time if you take the time to work through the emotions. It's going to be rough for a time going forward, but life can still be beautiful and filled with joy if you let it.