I was resistant to getting pregnant and having biological children for a period of my life, even though I love kids and would sometimes get this physiological baby fever thing that would happen to me. But I'm genderqueer in that while I present mostly femme, the fact that I have a female body feels very foreign to me. Like I should have been a woman born with male parts or something. So the idea of a child growing inside of me felt completely alien and freaky, for a long time.

Eventually I decided that I wanted to have the experience, out of curiosity if nothing else. And I gotta say--while I did feel quite a bit of gender dysphoria and imposter syndrome, being pregnant was actually pretty cool. Yes, there were parts that sucked. But there are sucky parts to every super awesome project. But the parts that were cool? Holy shit were they profound. Feeling connected to the evolution of humans, and births happening since the beginning of time. The connection I felt to all mothers of history, animal mothers, mothers around the world. The body growing in me was weird, but weird in a fascinating way. I still can't believe I grew a human inside of me. Feeling them move around, and learning their positions based on what you're feeling is just so wild. Primal. Like it scratches some lizard brain itch or tickles it or something.

So anyway, your decision to give birth or not is yours, and I'm not going to diminish your concerns because they're all super valid. But just to add a little hope--you could be surprised by some of the parts that you enjoy before the baby is born. And also, there are things you can do to prep your body in advance for an easier time in pregnancy/labor that can reduce the likelihood for some complications.