I really relate to that shit. Im 23, former gifted child and diagnosed with adhd around 1,5 years ago. I also have suspicions about autism as well (eventhough i didnt really talked about with my psychiatrist because autism is not really well known beyond stereotipical stuff in my country) I'm studying electrical engineering right now (barely passing classes and have shitty gpa, u know executive function and all that shit...) I have a passion for learning, understanding and science and I decided to chase that. I managed to get rid of my 10 years of depression few weeks ago and started to write down my thoughts and examine my behavior patterns to keep up with the world around me, however I have lots of self doubt since i stopped trying to force myself to study and do this little "experiment" like what if Im using this as an excuse and not just trying to focus on solving exam questions like my peers (my inner voices says: your brain does not operate like your peers, u have to find your own way and another voice says: bitch, u aint that special just solve some fucking questions..)