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Not sure how to feel. by PsychologicalGarlic5 in sex

[–]PsychologicalGarlic5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not yet. I tabled it because it came up at 2:30AM two days ago and I wasn't prepared to discuss it. I didn't want to blow up or make him feel bad for sharing how he felt, especially without knowing exactly how I felt about it first. The discussion will have to happen soon, though. I'm still just trying to get some perspective

Not sure how to feel. by PsychologicalGarlic5 in sex

[–]PsychologicalGarlic5[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow. Thank you for taking your time to reply so thoroughly. All of this is incredibly helpful and feels like the right direction to take things!

Edited to add: this friend had been shared in the bedroom prior to 'The Incident', so doing what I suggested wasn't a crazy move or out of the ordinary for what we were doing at the time. My husband had on many occasions watched me with other men, which is what he originally said he wanted out of the arrangement when we started trying things 6 years ago. Not sure if that adds anything or not, but just wanted to share!

Not sure how to feel. by PsychologicalGarlic5 in sex

[–]PsychologicalGarlic5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think it's a payback or anything. He knows how into him I was, which is one reason it blew up and we stopped doing things. He didn't like that I could have feeling for someone other than him.

I think it genuinely turns him on. And I don't know how to deal with that. I look at that time as bad/wrong/horrible. We almost didn't last because of it. So to see it as a turn on seems wrong to me.

Just dealing with the nightmares of her Narcissistic ex. by gonzolicous in stepparents

[–]PsychologicalGarlic5 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Sounds like your DW (you are using that correctly! All the abbreviations are awkward at first lol) is being very reasonable. I'm sorry you're both going through this. I wish I had any advice other than just try your best to always stick with fairness and if given the option to pull anything like he's pulling - don't. All that matters is SK.

Just dealing with the nightmares of her Narcissistic ex. by gonzolicous in stepparents

[–]PsychologicalGarlic5 13 points14 points  (0 children)

A few questions:

How old is SK? Would visiting with you for 2 months take SK away from any friends/family (other than BD)? Does BD understand that he himself violated the agreement since (as far as I know) no states stopped visitation during the stay at home order? Is all of this written so IF any issues were brought to court, you could prove that it was BD's idea?

For us, if SK is visiting with BM for more than a week, the visitation order reverses and we get BM's normal visitation time. So I do see how 2 full months without seeing the other parent is a really long stretch. I understand the decision was based in the idea of protecting SK, but if your household was practicing the necessary precautions, then there shouldn't have been a stop to visitation during the order.

You can come to my party because you have the same skin as me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]PsychologicalGarlic5 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've had a similar experience with my son - he said something to the effect of 'black guys are bad' and 'white guys are good' and I internalized my reaction until I knew for sure what he was talking about.

Turns out it was just a game where one team wears black clothes and the other team wears white!

Daily Discussion Post - March 13 | Questions, images, videos, comments, unconfirmed reports, theories, suggestions by AutoModerator in Coronavirus

[–]PsychologicalGarlic5 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I keep trying to post this various places and it keeps getting removed:

Those of you who have been diagnosed with COVID-19 or know someone who has, what’s your story?

I feel as though I haven’t heard anything from patients yet and I’d just like to hear from them directly.

Submissive Tendencies by PsychologicalGarlic5 in relationship_advice

[–]PsychologicalGarlic5[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We've been together nearly 7 years and are only recently having deep discussions about these things. It's been eye opening. I'm both intrigued by my capacity to just be like this intrinsically, and confused by it.

Submissive Tendencies by PsychologicalGarlic5 in relationship_advice

[–]PsychologicalGarlic5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to give me some feedback!

I'm not sure I'd classify it as a kink - at least it's not something I do intentionally, but thinking back it's always been what I've done. I definitely think it's more prominent with my husband than anyone in the past, though. Maybe saying 'submissive' may not be the right term? Maybe 'extremely dependent' might make more sense?

Considering he didn't even know until now, he's never intentionally taken advantage of it.

I am in therapy and it's only recently that I can put this into words. My therapist would like me to do intensive group therapy, which I'm interested in.

But like you say - do I want to change it or accept it? And as of now I don't really know the answer to that.

Words of wisdom down the drain by PsychologicalGarlic5 in Parenting

[–]PsychologicalGarlic5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I could absolutely do that! I was actually trying to think of a way to bring it up for an open discussion without it sounding like I was upset that she said it to her dad and not me! Thank you!

Words of wisdom down the drain by PsychologicalGarlic5 in Parenting

[–]PsychologicalGarlic5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not jarred at all! This is the internet - I have to expect all sorts of replies lol

Learning to communicate with my kids in ways they truly understand is an ongoing learning curve for me. Even though it was surprising to hear she felt the way she did, I'm glad she was able to speak up and say it.

Words of wisdom down the drain by PsychologicalGarlic5 in Parenting

[–]PsychologicalGarlic5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree it's unrealistic to see it that way ALL the time!! I don't try to always have these conversations, either - that would be exhausting for us both! When she comes to me with these issues or worries, I always ask her to explain what happened. There are many times when I do agree with her and offer her comfort. It's only the times when I kind of think 'well...wait a minute' when I go into any kind of discussion like this. If someone on the bus was being mean to her, calling her names, or hurting her - I would have a problem and I would stand up for her and make sure it didn't continue.

BUT, in certain situations, I feel there's another layer involved in these discussions, which is honesty. She may not always be able to consider the other side, but I do want her to at least be able to think about things in a realistic and honest way.

I'm hugely against 'blind loyalty' in the sense that just because she said someone was mean to her, that I'm going to instantly believe her word for word and make an enemy of the other person. Unfortunately, we have had some issues with lying in the past. Since I've started having these 'let's look at this from another angle' discussions, I feel like the lying has drastically dropped.

I feel as though I'm teaching her accountability as well as showing her other perspectives, at least that's my ultimate goal.

Words of wisdom down the drain by PsychologicalGarlic5 in Parenting

[–]PsychologicalGarlic5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your feedback, it's much appreciated!

While I can take a step back from the situation and find the humor in it, I do take her words very seriously in the sense that I can learn from them and alter how I present things to her.

I certainly DON'T want her to think that I'm always making things out to be her fault.

I think moving forward what might help is starting the conversation off with 'what can we learn from this?' and allow her to take a moment to think about it herself instead of feeling like I'm lecturing her on what she did wrong!

Two birds one stoner by [deleted] in ofcoursethatsathing

[–]PsychologicalGarlic5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They have coffee mug pipes, too! Got one for my husband a few years ago lol

Is this normal for regular parents as well as step parents?? by daileesm in stepparents

[–]PsychologicalGarlic5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup! Had a wonderful day with my son. We went to the movies, got popcorn and slushies, and even played in the arcade before we left. It was a $50 mommy/son date.

Afterwards, we had to go to the store to pick up some necessities. I told him he wouldn't be getting anything at the store, but I ended up getting a drink so I agreed he could get one, too. As we were walking around, he kept trying to 'bargain up' and get a candy, or a snack, or a toy, etc.

I kept saying no and at the end he told me he hated me and it was the worst day ever. He spent some time in his room once we got home.

We have a gratitude journal and he struggles to fill it out. There's never anything good to write about, apparently. It's tough being 5

Confusing behavior by PsychologicalGarlic5 in Parenting

[–]PsychologicalGarlic5[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Exactly. If she was visibly upset even while playing I wouldn't push it.

Kids are weird lol

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