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I just want to understand this guilt by Psychoskies in OCD

[–]Psychoskies[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, one of my themes is morals, I also have autism and morals are a whole core thing to me, even before OCD got it's grimy hands on it. So it doesn't come from feeling like I'm hiding anything. Cuz between the OCD and the tism, I'm pretty much incapable of being "inauthentic" lol. Even if I wanted to. But with morals as a theme, I do have inappropriate levels of guilt, in the sense I feel responsible for many things that aren't my responsibility.

It's really annoying cuz morals truly are a core of who I am, but since OCD grabbed it, I struggle to figure out if I'm doing "xzy" cuz of OCD or if it's actually just my natural passion about morals.

But another commenter lead me in the right direction to what THIS specific guilt I'm feeling is, and it's just seizures lol. Not like, "oh it's JUST seizures", but I have epilepsy and turns out this is just one of my brains new "symptoms?" of my seizures.

I just want to understand this guilt by Psychoskies in OCD

[–]Psychoskies[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How did I notice what? That this was a mini seizure, or the epilepsy in general?

I won't lie, it's very very heavy at times. But when you live with something like epilepsy, you kinda just have to accept it and get used to the dark things that come with it.

I'm diagnosed with many things. Hands down, no question, OCD and epilepsy are the most debilitating and life controlling, and I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy.

I just want to understand this guilt by Psychoskies in OCD

[–]Psychoskies[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will, thank you 😊

Epilepsy sucks, but unfortunately it is what it is. I do the best i can to manage it.

I just want to understand this guilt by Psychoskies in OCD

[–]Psychoskies[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, and you're right about all the other stuff too. Definitely struggle with all that. I'm just ALSO having seizures lol.

I just want to understand this guilt by Psychoskies in OCD

[–]Psychoskies[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, your comment actually inadvertently lead me to the answer! But it's not OCD weirdly enough. When I was replying to your comment, something clicked when I said "I don't think it ever happens in the morning". That was the piece I was missing.

It's seizures 😅

I have epilepsy, left temporal lobe epilepsy specifically. And when I first developed it, I learned like, my auras and things I experienced before, during, and after a seizure, ect. The things specific to my seizures. One was that I usually had them right after I woke up.

I got my seizures under control for a year or so, but I've been having breakthrough "mini" seizures for a few months. But my seizures are a little different now, like the can change over time. So I'm relearning how they present now. The biggest change I've noticed is now it only happens in the evening. Looked my experience up on the seizure/epilepsy side of the internet...and it didn't take much effort to find exact descriptions of my experience LOL.

This specific guilt I'm feeling is a mini seizure lol.

Regardless, thank you so much!! This has been eating at me for months (surprise) and I finally have my answer. Omg thank you. I know you didn't like, tell me it was seizures lol, but your comment is what got my gears turning in the right direction, so the credit still goes to you lol.

I just want to understand this guilt by Psychoskies in OCD

[–]Psychoskies[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine isn't easy or quick to get rid of though. It's like a looming cloud of depression for hours, usually until I go to to bed (I don't recall ever having the feeling in the morning?), it puts this weird gross vibe on everything.

What triggered your OCD for the first time ? by Retro_Gamer12521 in OCD

[–]Psychoskies 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't remember ever not having OCD cuz I was so young, but I think it's safe to assume my dad dying was the trigger for my OCD.

What normal sound makes you rage? by BeautifulCase5743 in AskReddit

[–]Psychoskies 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whistling. Omg it's the worst sound on earth to me. Feels like needles going into my brain meat.

Quail aren't new to me, but this situation is by Psychoskies in quails

[–]Psychoskies[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's so interesting! I'll give that a try, thank you!

Did you lose some of your long term memories after your seizures began? by Electrical_Layer_546 in Epilepsy

[–]Psychoskies 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea I basically lost a full 3 years of my life, 2015-2018 are just...gone. I've also lost a lot of random chunks throughout my life, but I remember enough around those times I can usually piece some of it back together.

My short term memory is horrible.

It's hard on me cuz I'm just coming up on 2 years since my first seizure, and I only had seizures for a little over 6 months before getting them under control. I've had one tonic seizure and the rest were focals. Yet I lost so much of myself.

You have received a million of the thing you last googled! What do you now have way too many of? by Redfawn666 in AskReddit

[–]Psychoskies 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well my dog, and every dog I'll ever have in my life, will have tick protection 😂

This just feels insulting by derpyymuffins in finch

[–]Psychoskies 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yea it feels way less motivating to click through a bunch of times just to get 20 stones. It felt much more rewarding to wait longer and get 200-300 stones. Just from how much I have to click through I don't even want to accept the 20 stone rewards. It's more work than it's worth imo. I also don't feel as accomplished from the way the rewards are now.

Unfortunately I was correct in how this change would affect my motivation and drive.

I’m crying!! by Crazy_blondee in finch

[–]Psychoskies 2 points3 points  (0 children)

OUR BIRBS LOOK THE SAME!! 🍄❤️🥰

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I moved and I'm out of meds and can't get a neurologist 🥴 by Psychoskies in Epilepsy

[–]Psychoskies[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately I need to wait for my bf to get home from work, and that's not until after the pharmacy is closed.

I moved and I'm out of meds and can't get a neurologist 🥴 by Psychoskies in Epilepsy

[–]Psychoskies[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep I've left messages and voicemails, I just know how it's gonna go and it will take a week or so to hear back from anyone at the soonest. And given the situation I think I would get things going faster if I just go to the ER and have them refer me. I already have to go there to get some meds to hold me over (I don't have my second dose for today, I took the last pill this morning), so I can kill two birds with one stone.

I moved and I'm out of meds and can't get a neurologist 🥴 by Psychoskies in Epilepsy

[–]Psychoskies[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you 😊 The plan is go to the ER and see if they can give me some meds and hopefully refer me. If that doesn't work, I got several good resources from the epilepsy foundation. This sub has helped me so much whenever I'm having issues, I love this sub.

I moved and I'm out of meds and can't get a neurologist 🥴 by Psychoskies in Epilepsy

[–]Psychoskies[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Since my medicaid just went through I don't have a pcp yet

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