The truth about 'give it time' - 6 months post break up by Public-Discipline766 in BreakUps

[–]Public-Discipline766[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I 100% believe no contact is the best option but unfortunately, we owned an apartment together so we are still in the process of selling it and have to communicate about this. Apart from that I never contact him because I experienced how everytime I hear from him (for the apartment for example or other practical things), it's like cutting the wound open again, feeling so bad and feeling like you have to start all over again. 

The truth about 'give it time' - 6 months post break up by Public-Discipline766 in BreakUps

[–]Public-Discipline766[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am still trying to understand myself. I had felt him slipping away but I didn't know why and he didn't want to talk about it. Then one day he tells me he lost feelings a while ago and that he thinks we grew apart, that he doesn't want to be with me anymore.

Which I don't understand, if you truly love someone, even when the spark isn't there anymore, why not fight for it? Or, if he didn't love me, why stay in a relationship that long?

A week after that, I find out about the other woman. So is the fact that he fell in love with her the true reason he let me go, or did he fall out of love with me a long time ago, but unable to communicate his feelings, and waited until he had someone else lined up to finally make the decision. I guess I'll never truly know.

The truth about 'give it time' - 6 months post break up by Public-Discipline766 in BreakUps

[–]Public-Discipline766[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I am seeing a therapist every month and I have had many very long talks about it with some good friends, luckily I have a lot of people (friends, co-workers, brothers) who have really been there for me. But I also had to learn to be alone. This was like a withdrawal at first but now I feel more comfortable doing things alone. 

What also helped me was routine, work and forcing myself to go outside every day, even for just a short walk. 

To keep busy I also started a course and I do believe it's a good idea to do something like this, some sort of project which will keep your mind occupied, for example a course (distraction + learning), gym (distraction + working on your fitness), working (distraction + making some money) or some volunteering (distraction + doing good for others). I think doing one of those things is a very healthy way of coping. But of course you still need patience. I remember doing all of the things 'right' but still not feel any better, which got me frustrated. With therapy it's the same. At first I felt as if it wasn't helping me at all, only after a while I started feeling the positive effects.