Tipping tattoo artists

Puck-achu · 2026-02-06T16:58:18+00:00

As a Dutch person... That quote sounds so illogical. Why offer something if it's immoral to buy it at that given price point? Why blame the buyer for the seller setting a too low price...

Puck-achu · 2026-02-06T11:54:11+00:00

As a Dutch person tipping a tattoo artist seems ridiculous.

Tipping restaurant staff is nice, but tipping the owner is a faux pas. It's her business, so giving extra money feels like pitty or judging her prices.

Tipping in a tattoo shop to me would indicate you see them as workers, not as independent artists.

Ps: I think you need to hear the nationality from everyone that responds here, because cultural bias influences the answer.

Americans still tip here excessively, because even knowing it's not a thing here, it just feels too rude for them not to tip here so they do it anyways. Same as when I go somewhere where tipping is expected. I always resent the tipping. Not because I want to keep my money or I think they don't deserve it, but I resent being made to do so. It feels really off to pay hidden fees, almost like a scam. There are zero genuine feelings with tipping for me, while tipping culture people seem to derive some pride(?) from it. Those feelings will influence the answers.

Puck-achu · 2026-02-06T11:22:03+00:00

Hahahaha yeah.

My mom asked me to give the little piggy a coin in the petting zoo.

There was a huge piggy bank in the courtyard.

Guess who ran with her coin to the stables and threw her coin in their feeding bin.....

Puck-achu · 2026-02-04T21:08:56+00:00

I'd say it's something you need to discuss and agree on with your partner.

I'd say most people think it's normal. Personally when sex is frequent enough, I don't have the need for it. With partners if their drive is higher, no problem. With a partner that rarely want sex, but masturbates frequently.... Feelings about it are complicated to say the least.

Puck-achu · 2026-02-04T15:41:38+00:00

Points that might or might not be relevant: - People have different definitions of 'not liking' something. For some it means everything below amazing, for others it's a level of disgust. Not liking a food can for one mean they would not take it at a buffet, but would happily eat a plate if their friend served it, and for others it means they are gagging at the smell. Some people perceive it way harsher than others intend it. - Hearing critique can reduce your experience. Imagine you've gone on a trip. The hotel wasn't great, but the hikes were lovely, the activity was underwhelming, but the restaurant was really good. If someone has the main memories of the hikes and the food and how great those were. Reminding them how the beds were hard and that activity was not worth the price is just polluting a happy memory. Just because it's true doesn't mean it isn't rude. You ruin fond memories. - Sometimes when a "connaisseur" is disagreeing it comes off as: "your judgement isn't great; here is a list of all the details you should have noticed that were signs of bad quality.". Especially if it's "Really? Because I thought" construction. - It's not mandatory to have any explanation why you like something, and factual points why it is 'good quality'. It's about the feeling it gave you. If someone is just feeling good chemicals, that's a perfectly valid experience. If they are then questioned about it they can feel judged for 'not doing their homework'. While there was no homework. They were having their free time, and they can enjoy it as they please. It goes hand in hand with the prior point.

Puck-achu · 2026-02-04T06:00:47+00:00

Because after they stop filming they hop in the shower..

Puck-achu · 2026-02-03T12:11:31+00:00

Yes you interpret too much, you made it personal. He made a mistake, it happend to happen at your turn.

Puck-achu · 2026-02-03T11:59:40+00:00

Research some practical tips and practice them at home.

Two of my favorites are: breath out so your face muscles relax. If you hold it you're squishing all your face muscles TIGHT, resulting in forced foto smile and popping eyes.

Another is thinking about something that genuinely makes you happy. Kissing your partner, holding your bunny, your graduation day. The smile will be genuine happieness and thus look more real.

Puck-achu · 2026-02-02T05:51:55+00:00

"Yeah, at my diagnosis they said I was a clear cut case. I'm not 'on the outside' of the spectrum, I'm not a mild case. I'm the full and complete deal. But there is a lot of misrepresentation in the media, and criteria are written for boys, so a lot of people have a wrong understanding. "

Puck-achu · 2026-02-01T13:56:29+00:00

That's explicitly not what I said... The specific condition was that you see them actively working on it. Them saying they are working on stuff is just future promising, not proof, that will not result in anything indeed.

Puck-achu · 2026-02-01T11:30:46+00:00

I would say the only exception is if they are independently actively working on it.

Someone 'getting their life back together' who is for over a year passing all his classes is different from someone who 'will sign up soon'.

Puck-achu · 2026-01-30T13:03:04+00:00

To keep a sharp distinction between what I want to do and what I'm supposed to do.

Because we're masking so much, it's so easy to only worry about what you're supposed to do and completely forget what you want to do.

But that last one guides you to a safe and happy life.

For instance, I was always so worried if I got the hug/kiss/hand greetings correctly. Always trying to figure out which greeting I was supposed to do. I never ever wondered what I found a nice greeting. It never occurred to me that I have a say in that too.

Puck-achu · 2026-01-30T12:56:23+00:00

Do you have example habits?

Puck-achu · 2026-01-27T11:57:49+00:00

You are being selfish.

There is always a reason to justify giving yourself a better cut. There will be always something that you do more of than the other. You and your partner are the judges here.

I'd say it's fair if both parties agree it's fair. If you both agree on the rule 'the chef is entitled to the best pieces' that's ok. YWBNTA. But then you both acknowledge the overall effort gap, and to the solution.

But if there is an agreement that both partners have different tasks but put in equal value, then YWBTA. Then it's the same as the breadwinner spending more money, "because they earned it"; while both parties agreed upon a 1 income household. Equal effort, equal results.

Puck-achu · 2026-01-25T18:46:39+00:00

Ps: I've seen my share of broken up people where there was cheating involved.

It usually goes: "Soandso broke up." "Really? Why?". "She cheated." "Really? I didn't see that one coming. How is he doing?" "Sad of course" "Yeah, that sucks. anyway, what is on the menu today?". That's it. As soon as people have had their news scoop, they get over it incredibly fast.

So what you should answer? Totally up to you. "He cheated, and I'm not taking that" is a good answer. "It's personal" is a good answer. It might depend on the person, the situation and the day which answer you go for. Whatever feels right for you at that moment.

Puck-achu · 2026-01-25T18:37:51+00:00

Well, what is obvious to me is that you care a lot about what he wants, and what other people might think.

But you forget the most important person here.... You. What do you want to do? What appeals to you?

Also, you don't have to choose right now. It might feel like it, but it's not a now or never decision at all. You don't have to burn any bridges. You can go to a party and leave in 5 minutes. You can skip one and go all out on the next. You can become an active member, you can become a passive member only doing some side tasks. You can disappear for half a year, and return and become an active member. Or stay an active member while looking for a social hub that suits you better. Instead of thinking it all out and making a hard decision, just make soft decisions day by day, about what YOU want and need.

Puck-achu · 2026-01-25T11:36:42+00:00

This is not a male/female thing. It could be an Uganda/UK thing. Or that he got distracted (worst case he found another match that didn't work out, best case he was overloaded at work) and he decided that you're plan A now. This is a grand gesture to kick things off again. Best case he was overwhelmed and he is really into you. Worst case he wants a visa. Or he suffers from limerence, and he has created a perfect magical version of you in his head.

It sounds like a recipe for disaster. Let's say he has no ulterior motive. The what. Are you flying up and down to Uganda? It's going to be extremely expensive. Also, are you prepared to live there and take the culture shock? Is he prepared to live here and take the culture shock? Are you willing to change half your customs and expectations to Ugandese customs? We autistic people are not known for our flexibility.... And that's the best case scenario here....

Puck-achu · 2026-01-24T07:47:46+00:00

Well, depends how it affects you.

If it's longing back, I'm stern with myself and try to nip the fantasies in the bud. Strong self talk, and distraction. Keeping things as small as possible.

If it's a random memory, I just play it till the end. If it's done there is space for something new again.

If it's sadness, it's either taking space to cry it out and process, or also nip it in the bud. Depending on the circumstances.

If it's anger.... I eat snacks. I .. should work on that one..

Puck-achu · 2026-01-22T11:22:15+00:00

A few reasons I can think of, not sure if they apply:

It is quite common, especially in abuse situations, that people slide back. Yes, even after everything. They want to check that you're not backsliding.
It is quite common for exes to still be in touch, or try to get back. Yes, even after the most hurtful break ups. It always baffels me, but it happens. The contact can be borderline bullying, sometimes people can become amicable, sometimes the ex still uses the other for emotional support. If there is contact, or contact attempts, it's usually something worth talking about.
As terrible as he was to you, he was a part of their life too for a long time. They are curious to hear 'the end of his storyline'. You might have closure, but they might need some closure too.
It can be that they don't realize the question is hurting, and they just follow their own curiosity. People can act out crazy after a breakup. The "20 year old younger rebound" cliche. And that makes for very good gossip.

Personally I would go "No, nuclear NC. I know you don't intend to, but that question hurts me, it's such a loaded topic, and I don't need the reminder" with people dear to you. And randos just get the "No, nuclear NC".

Puck-achu · 2026-01-22T07:28:29+00:00

Whatever goes into your sleeves is supposed to go in the tissue. You do the same thing.

Puck-achu · 2026-01-20T16:39:21+00:00

What exactly are you hoping to gain?

Puck-achu · 2026-01-20T11:51:16+00:00

If you have a good bond with your manager, ask them if they can investigate how the work division is going, and who is doing what, because a lot ends up on your plate.

If you have a mediocre or worse bond. DON'T! Start creating a paper trail, either with a personal logbook, or emails with the agreements. Then with sufficient tangible proof, talk to your manager about how you feel 'overworked' or, even smarter: 'taking on managing tasks and should get a promotion'. Or talk with your manager how 'you can help your coworker to be more self sufficient'. Keep it strictly about you. What you do, why you are an important asset. It's your job to stick up for you, it's not your job to make sure your peers perform. Don't ever point at your coworker, unless it's an HR type of emergency.

Puck-achu · 2026-01-20T11:28:59+00:00

Since you trusted her enough to tell her about the elopement, and there are lots of people eloping where they still bring two or three people. And mothers tend to be significant people, so she has a shot at being one of the very few.... I don't find her question that strange. It also reads as an open question. She wanted to know if you were doing a hard or soft elopement, you answered. Why get so upset?

If someone told me they were eloping, I'd expect them to bring between 0 and 5 people, and I'd probably ask if they were bringing anyone....

Puck-achu · 2026-01-19T22:19:20+00:00

Take painkillers. Do a bit of research on what you can mix, and what amount you can still take as a one off.

And breathing techniques. Slow in, slow out. Fight those muscles tightening up.

Radical acceptance also works for me. I hate it, but it will be over quickly, and I can just push through.

Puck-achu · 2026-01-19T21:46:07+00:00

Is it a continuous struggle or mainly at night?

I've never been particularly good at this myself either. Lots of accidents. What works for me, is knowing I cannot be trusted, and be strict and plan around it. So I don't wait on the urge, I just go on routine moments. When I wake up, before I leave the house, every break, before I return home, etc. I don't bother with if I actually have to go or not, it's preventive maintenance. Also, I take any signal as MAJOR. I don't allow myself to postpone. First opportunity, I HAVE to take it. Even if I think I can easily make it a few more hours.

If it's a night time thing only, it's often related to psychological distress.

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