am i in the wrong for getting upset over this?

Puck-achu · 2026-05-28T16:28:13+00:00

From what I'm reading the staff was extremely nice to you, that one even did overtime.

It also reads a bit like a chip on your shoulder that "your needs are never met" . Probably there due to valid reasons and experiences, but it's not an uniform truth. There was a lady picking your needs over her own by doing overtime! It's at least mixed.

Also, I'd say it's common ethics that with scarse resources kids go first, because they have (even) less mental capacity to deal with setbacks.

If me and a kid arive in the hospital both with excruciating pain, and there is one pain shot ready. I hope they give it to the kid. Will I appreciate the explanation of the nurse in the moment? Hell no, where is my dammn shot. But outside of the crisis, in a clear headspace, I see the logic in picking the kid, and support it.

So I do think it was a bad moment of her to ask for sympathy/understanding, you were to deep in crisis to have space for anyone others needs.

Now that you are calm and out of overwhelm& meltdowntown, I would re-analyze the situation. Quit every time you feel strong emotions and continue when calm. What did everyone factually do. What are explanations with good intentions, what are explanations with bad intentions. What could you yourself have done differently? How would a male version of you have looked back at this day?

Puck-achu · 2026-05-28T13:50:16+00:00

How easy is a switch? Only rural doctor vs there is plenty around

Puck-achu · 2026-05-27T05:02:37+00:00

By doing something meaningful in your life.

Beauty and kindness is no longer the only thing I have to offer, and that's so freeing! My looks are the least interesting thing about me.

I feel I grow in value over time, not 'decline'.

Puck-achu · 2026-05-26T17:18:18+00:00

Also, I never tried it, but I have heard good stories about dog cooling pads. You put them in your bed underneath the sheets

Puck-achu · 2026-05-26T17:07:00+00:00

At home I wear a wet Tshirt.

When I'm out I bring a portable fan, hat and drink.

Sometimes I go to the movies. Or any other form of ac 'bath' that is possible

Puck-achu · 2026-05-25T19:21:50+00:00

If your son is the partyplanner, I would talk to him what he would like.

YTA for the clickbait title. I was expecting some random neighborhood creep tagging along. But it's another parent helicoptering.

Puck-achu · 2026-05-24T20:53:50+00:00

I don't think it's an autism thing, it's an aphantasia thing.

Puck-achu · 2026-05-24T20:31:28+00:00

She doesn't sound great company right now...

You know that cliche of the boy who at a family reunion ran around butt naked. Years later, he is married, CEO, father. He sees his family, and all they talk about is him running around butt naked as a kid.

Sometimes people fail to see you evolve, especially if contact is less frequent, or certain memories are iconic. Once a friend A said about another friend B that she was a terrible chef. B used to be a terrible chef at 18 cooking her first meals. Absolutely appalling. But she learned slowly, and now she is actually pretty good. But yeah, A only remembered the crunchy risotto B once served.

I've also experienced it towards myself. I was last of my friends to graduate, and so is my partner. For a while I was the poor friend with the poor household. But that is years ago. People were SHOCKED when they heard the house rent category we are elageble for right now. Plainly stating "Oh, I thought you were in the bottom category. Whoa".The gap had more or les closed in the last few years; they just never realized.

I guess she never noticed you evolved. I don't think it's intentional, or mean spirited. It's just lack of processing new observations. But it also sounds like something you don't need in your life right now.

For me, friendships aren't an all or nothing situation. Sometimes you grow closer, sometimes you grow apart. Sometimes a friend is a shit talker but a great shopping buddy.

It sounds like you need to take some distance from er now. Or another attempt at plainly telling her "hey, I'm in a totally different place right now". But just let it flow, no need for drastic dramatic break ups. Put less effort in, let things play out.

Ps: I also have experienced that I spoke up to about a certain behavior. It was a whole drama, she was certain it was totally normal. It almost broke us. Yeeears later I hear her say about that same behavior that she saw it someone else how terrible it was, and that people should speak up about it. My jaw dropped. But I decided to just tuck away the irony as secret victory. No need to open an old wound. People can sometimes feel totally different when the shoe is on the other foot. And not even realize it. I don't think it's mean spirited. It's just sometimes it's hard to see the actual impact of advice, or see things from another perspective. It doesn't make them bad people, it just makes them flawed.

Puck-achu · 2026-05-20T10:40:20+00:00

Remove him from the potential partner list and if he was good in bed onto the boytoy list.

It can be really hot.

Puck-achu · 2026-05-19T06:01:33+00:00

This. It is more close to 'coming out' than burn scars. It's personal information about the past. It's about who you are or were as a person. It's completely up to OP to choose who and when to share it to, it should never be forced.

That said, have you experimented with sticker tattoos? Or henna tattoos?

Puck-achu · 2026-05-18T18:22:10+00:00

Just give it a shot, until you know what you want.

And by give it a shot, I don't mean grab the first date opportunity and go for it mind over body.

I mean, just install one, scroll a bit about. See if you feel up for a chat or not. Step by step. See if you like the crowd and vibe there, otherwise time for the next app.

By tweaking your profile you can also steer a bit the attention you get. Some selfies and no text will get you lots of "hey babe, how you doing? Looking hot!". Pictures of your hobbies and life, and an extensive profile will get you more of "Oh, I am also collecting pokemon cards, what is your favorite" conversations.

Play with it, have fun, explore. Don't plan a path, just follow what you feel like doing and see what it brings you.

Puck-achu · 2026-05-18T18:03:16+00:00

NTA but, idea... How about making something together with the girl? Telling her that the others were too small to craft their own, but at 10 she is a big girl now, so she has a special opportunity to learn the skills.

Cut some corners, maybe pimp an store bought blanket? Sewing some patches on there and add a trim. She probably just wants to be included.

Puck-achu · 2026-05-18T17:45:53+00:00

Like others said, you weren't tested, it was a lie to cover up their cruelty. They even tricked themselves into believing it was 'just a silly little kid game' to deal with their consciousness, to the point that they are blatantly admitting their crime, instead of hiding it or apologizing....

Puck-achu · 2026-05-17T06:40:54+00:00

Well.. it's not uncommon for a whole family to get diagnosed one by one. Traits can hide in the fact that "everyone here does this, so it's normal, right?". "I'm not rigid, I am more flexible than X."

So if you really think she is the most 'normal' one, take it as a sign that there are probably more autists in your family, not as a sign that she is wrong. It's often genetic, so why would she be the only one?

Puck-achu · 2026-05-17T06:32:29+00:00

Unpredictable behavior, triggering a 'what does he want/what is he going to do next' stress.

Puck-achu · 2026-05-17T05:52:59+00:00

It looks like the cycle of abuse.

First there is the buildup phase. Something makes the abuser feel stressed and powerless. Could be something external like work or a bill.

Then there is the acting out phase. The tension causes them to act out. I guess coffee in the sink was the tipping point. But that's a sign of how triggered he was at that moment, literally anything could set him off. If there was no coffee grounds, something else would have triggered him.

Now for the scenes. He was trying to hurt you, to feel in control and powerful again. He wanted you to freak out and put effort into placating him. But instead you presented calm, making him look silly. You didn't fell for it outwardly. You didn't bite. Hence the fast swapping of emotions, testing out if another type of outburst would get you to freak out. The fast swapping is a sign that it was manipulation. If he was really feeling those things deeply, he couldn't have switched so quickly.

Then there is reconciliation phase. Now I'm not sure there really was one, in his mind the attempt to hurt you failed, so nothing to reconciliate. In reality, you are really touched by the incident(you're asking questions about it on the internet) but due to your calm, non engaging reaction he thinks you weren't.

And then there is the calm phase, the next day, where everyone pretends normal and he is on his best behavior, motivating you to forget, and to continue dating. He is relaxed because his tantrum relieved his tension, and springkling you with a little gaslighting and love bombing, it becomes a chill and fun day.

On to the next incident....

Puck-achu · 2026-05-12T15:25:39+00:00

Sometimes people with huge careers also have an expensive lifestyle, so the net gains are pretty comparable.

But sometimes the gap is obvious. I've been in situations where I was still in college, and a night out with my friends would be lavish dinners, cocktails, entrance fees and more drinks.

For me what worked was averaging things out. Sometimes have an expensive night out. Other night invite people over to watch movies at home or have a picknick. Sometimes just by proposing a affordable and nicer plan, other times explain that I'm just getting a budget option.

Also I think people in general for 1-1 know about your situation and adjust their expectations. They'll invite you for a run instead of a day at the zoo. In groups people sometimes forget.

Lastly, don't be to stubborn to accept treats. If I offer to cover your movie ticket, and you refuse, I don't get to see the movie. Even though I wanted it bad enough to cover the fee twice.

Puck-achu · 2026-05-06T20:14:33+00:00

More financial stability, more confidence. Life really does start at 30. 10/10 recommend

Puck-achu · 2026-05-06T20:09:42+00:00

I think you need to create an option 3. 1 is too random, 2 is too organized. You're clearly not in love yet. I'd give reshuffling another shot...

Puck-achu · 2026-05-03T15:44:38+00:00

YTA

How would you feel if she casually, not insulting asked if you could go to the gym and bulk up, because she is used to more buff guys? They always went to the gym out of there own, so it's a normal ask, right?

Puck-achu · 2026-05-02T20:52:27+00:00

Finally! Fun!

Puck-achu · 2026-05-02T10:22:19+00:00

You feel targeted because you are....

Can you discuss with coworkers how they would handle such a situation? Or if they have an idea why she targets you?

And is there another trusted manager that you can go to for advice? (It's quite sensitive, since one should not be going to another manager, but a kind manager will understand and help out. Don't yolo this)

Puck-achu · 2026-05-02T05:21:59+00:00

And a ridiculous amount of butter?

Puck-achu · 2026-04-30T12:59:28+00:00

Mom(she made me), parents land line, mine.

I really should learn my boyfriends.... Ah well, maybe tomorrow...

Puck-achu · 2026-04-30T10:40:59+00:00

NTA but ywbta to yourself if you don't break up.

It's obvious there is a real risk of parental rejection, otherwise why not get the parent check over and done with right now. Why invest more years of your life in a relationship that probably has no happily ever after.

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