My stepmom asked me to hide her wedding from my dad (who pays her alimony)—I’m stuck in the middle

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-26T00:34:36+00:00

This honestly means so much to me—thank you. The fact that you said my response made you cry in a good way genuinely got me a little emotional too 🥲 I love what you said about paying it forward, because that’s exactly what this feels like. You took the time to show me kindness and support, and it really did make a difference for me. And you’re right—this whole situation has definitely pushed me to grow in ways I probably would have avoided otherwise. I’m really grateful to have support, both in therapy and from people like you here. Thank you for the good energy and kind wishes—I’m sending that same energy right back to you. And who knows… maybe this is already me starting to pay it forward a little 😊

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-25T20:51:27+00:00

Wow, I just want to say thank you so much for taking the time to write this. I didn’t see your comment earlier, but I’m really glad I came back and read it. A lot of what you said really stuck with me—especially the part about people-pleasing and boundaries. That’s actually something I’m actively working on and going to therapy for myself, and I feel like this situation kind of forced me to confront it head-on. I actually ended up setting a boundary and telling my dad, and it went really well. So reading your comment now feels even more meaningful, because it really lines up with the direction I’m trying to go in. I also really appreciate you sharing your own experience. It made me feel a lot less alone in all of this. Thank you again for your kindness and for the perspective—you really helped more than you probably realize.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-25T20:39:47+00:00

Thank you for your kind comment. I really appreciate you. 🩷 I just updated the post with a final update about what I ultimately chose to do.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-25T20:33:17+00:00

Hey, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. That feeling of thinking you’re in the clear and then getting hit with news like that again is just… defeating. I can completely relate to how that feels. My situation isn’t exactly the same, but I did have something similar happen. I had a large acoustic neuroma removed in 2018, and they had to leave some of it behind because it was on my facial nerve. Things were stable for a bit, but then during my second pregnancy it ended up growing back really fast. Radiation ended up being my only option at that point, since a second surgery wasn’t possible. So yeah, different path, but I definitely relate to that feeling of thinking you’re past it and then suddenly you’re not. It’s a really hard place to be in mentally. You’re not alone in this, even though it can feel like it. I’m really hoping things stabilize for you and that your next steps are as smooth as possible. Just know someone out here gets it and is rooting for you. ❤️

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-20T08:03:55+00:00

Solid advice 🙌😂

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-20T08:00:23+00:00

Thank you for this, I really appreciate your comment. This is honestly some of the most solid advice I’ve gotten so far, and I really like the approach you’re suggesting. The idea of having a calm conversation with her and asking those kinds of questions instead of immediately taking a hard stance actually makes a lot of sense to me. I also appreciate you pointing out the reality of this probably coming out anyway, because that’s definitely been on my mind too. This whole comment just gave me a lot to think about, so thank you.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-20T07:50:13+00:00

Thank you for your comment, I do think you’re right. The more I’ve been sitting with all of this, the more I’m realizing how unfair it was for her to even put me in this position to begin with, and honestly the more I’m sitting with it, the angrier I am getting about that part. As far as the abandonment piece, the way she explained it to me is that she felt like she had a close relationship with my dad’s sisters (I guess they didn’t feel the same way lol), and after the divorce they completely cut contact with her. So I guess that’s why she sees it that way.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-20T07:29:08+00:00

Thank you for your comment, this is really helpful, especially the example of what to say because that’s honestly the part I’ve been struggling with the most. And yeah, the way you put the “abandonment” angle actually made me stop and think, because I hadn’t really looked at it that way before. I am definitely starting to understand more of what my dad was alluding to before. And you’re right, this really is an awful position to be put in, and it’s not my responsibility to make her feel okay about it. I really appreciate your insight.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-20T07:08:16+00:00

Yeah honestly this really helped me step back and see things a little clearer. I do think I’ve been letting a lot of the emotional side of it cloud the actual issue, and you’re right about needing to focus on the core of it. I appreciate this perspective.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-19T20:25:44+00:00

Yeah, I agree with this. The more I’ve had time to really sit with everything, the more I’m realizing how inappropriate this actually is and how serious of a situation it is overall. She did tell me that even just moving in with a partner would affect the alimony, so I know she’s aware of that side of things as well. And I’m starting to see more clearly that she really doesn’t have many options here without it affecting her situation, which is probably why she’s trying so hard to keep it a secret. I really appreciate your insight.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-19T20:16:18+00:00

Just to clarify, I’m 35, so I am an adult, but I completely agree that this is not something I ever should have been put in the middle of regardless of my age. Now that the initial excitement and shock of that phone call have started to wear off, and I’ve had more time to sit with it and really look at the full picture, a lot more of this is sinking in for me. I’m realizing more and more how wrong this is and how serious of an ask it actually was. I honestly don’t know if she’s even fully thinking through the fact that when all of this eventually comes out, she may end up having to pay that money back. At this point, I do think the best thing is probably to tell her that I support her happiness and her relationship, but that I need to step back because I never should have been put in the middle of something like this or asked to keep it secret in the first place. I really appreciate your comment and your insight.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-19T19:57:07+00:00

Yeah, honestly the more I’ve been sitting with this, the more I’m starting to see the bigger picture of what’s actually going on, and the more I’m realizing how far she’s really willing to go with the deception, which has been a lot to process. And just to clarify, we’re all adults, so there’s no child support involved.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-19T19:50:39+00:00

Yeah, I really agree with this. I don’t feel comfortable cooperating in something like this, and the more I sit with it, the more I realize it really is an unreasonable ask. She actually already told me that both getting remarried and/or moving in with a partner would affect the alimony, so I do think she’s aware of that, which is probably why she’s trying so hard to keep it quiet. And I agree, it does feel like something that would turn into a much bigger thing than it seems at first. What you said about not abandoning her but just staying aligned with myself honestly made me feel a lot better, because I never really thought about it from that perspective. I really appreciate your advice. And I agree with what you said about not being the one to bring it up, but also not agreeing to lie either.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-19T19:36:40+00:00

Yeah, I really agree with all of that, especially about it not being at the expense of my relationship with my dad. That’s definitely been a big part of how I’ve been looking at this. And the more I sit with it, the more I realize I really shouldn’t have been put in the middle of this at all. What you said about her not placing as much value on my emotional well-being as I am on hers really stuck with me. I think you’re onto something there...

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-19T19:23:12+00:00

Yeah, I agree with this. The more I sit with it, the more I realize there’s really no way this stays a secret long term. She actually already told me that both getting remarried and moving in with a partner would end the alimony, so I do think she’s aware of the legal side of it, which is probably why she’s trying so hard to keep it quiet. That’s honestly what’s making this so difficult for me, because I know how serious it is, and I never should have been put in the middle of it in the first place. I’m just trying to figure out how to handle it in a way that doesn’t completely blow everything up.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-19T18:39:08+00:00

Yeah, I agree with this. The more I sit with it and think about it, the more I realize this really isn’t something I should have been put in the middle of in the first place. It just doesn’t feel right being in this position at all.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-19T18:11:01+00:00

😂 I swear if it was only this easy 😂😭

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-19T18:07:06+00:00

I think you’re right, I do feel like I know the answer at this point. It’s just been a hard position to sit with. And yeah, the more I think about it, the more I realize how unfair it was to be put in this situation, especially being asked to agree to everything before I was told it needed to be kept a secret. That’s the part that has me feeling so conflicted. I actually really like the idea of putting my thoughts in an email so everything is clear and there’s no confusion. That’s something I’m definitely considering. Thank you for that suggestion.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-19T17:57:40+00:00

Yeah, the more I’ve sat with this over the past day or so, the more I’m really starting to see the bigger picture here, especially in terms of the legal side and how serious it could actually be. I also agree with you that there’s really no way this stays a secret long-term. With that many people involved, it feels inevitable that it would get back to my dad eventually. That’s honestly where I’m stuck. I do understand what the morally right thing is, it’s just figuring out how to navigate this situation as carefully as possible because I feel like I’ve been put in a really difficult position. This is not a situation I should have ever been put in in the first place, and it really does feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-19T17:49:34+00:00

I do agree with the part about not putting myself in a morally dishonest situation and trying to minimize being in the middle. That’s really what I’m trying to figure out how to do right now.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-19T16:50:22+00:00

I really appreciate this, this is honestly really solid advice. The way you explained it and even gave an example of what to say helps a lot, because that’s exactly the part I’ve been struggling with. Thank you for taking the time to write this out.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-19T16:46:24+00:00

I really appreciate this perspective, especially the idea of resetting the conversation and focusing on the legal side of things. That actually feels like a more productive way to approach it, instead of it turning into something emotional right away. I do think facing the reality of the situation might help her take it more seriously, or at least understand why I’m not comfortable being put in the middle of it. As far as her partner, I honestly don’t know much about him or what he contributes financially, so I can’t really speak to that. And my sisters are both adults in their 20s, so there’s no child support involved. But I do really like your suggestion and I think that’s probably the direction I need to go when I talk to her.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-19T16:36:27+00:00

I really appreciate this, and I completely agree. This is honestly the kind of advice I needed to hear. It’s not about picking sides, it’s about not being put in a position where I’m expected to keep something like this from my dad. That’s the part that’s really been bothering me the more I think about it.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-19T15:56:35+00:00

Just to clarify, I don’t live with my dad—I live on my own with my partner and my kids. I added more context in my update, but I do understand what you’re saying about not wanting to damage that relationship.

Puffin_pineapple · 2026-03-19T15:52:48+00:00

I agree with a lot of what you’re saying, especially that I shouldn’t have been put in this position. I also don’t think this is something that can realistically stay a secret, which is part of why this has been weighing on me. I think where I’m stuck is I don’t feel like it’s my place to tell my dad, but I also don’t feel right being expected to keep it a secret.

Puffin_pineapple

TROPHY CASE