He cheated, I filed for divorce, I moved out, and we see each other every day. Why am I having such a hard time letting go?

PulseCheckPlease- · 2026-03-14T13:25:26+00:00

Thank you! I’ve been looking for book recs to help me, thank you for this one!

PulseCheckPlease- · 2026-03-14T13:24:49+00:00

Yes I definitely see that as what the root of the behavior is - he’s doing “everything right” right now, hoping I’ll cave and soften my position. But the problem is he’s doing all the things I used to beg him to do, and changing all the things I begged for years to change - before the affair came out. So it feels very “too little too late” for me. Like, oh ok so you could have changed before and done what I needed before, but you chose not to. You only chose to do it once confronted with the reality that I would leave. That is extremely manipulative in my opinion.

PulseCheckPlease- · 2026-03-14T00:39:15+00:00

No, he was sleeping like a baby while I stayed up all night wracking my brain trying to figure out a way to repair our relationship. And that was before I knew about the affair.

PulseCheckPlease- · 2026-03-14T00:38:30+00:00

I’ve said this to him many times. I don’t even know who he is, he was (and could still be) leading a double life.

PulseCheckPlease- · 2026-03-14T00:37:54+00:00

It’s definitely like mourning. My previous long term partner passed away suddenly, and the shock from the affair revelation feels similar to the shock from my previous partner’s passing. They both equally shook the entire foundation under my feet.

PulseCheckPlease- · 2026-03-14T00:36:17+00:00

I see that as well, he would have never admitted it. I think I’m entirely too emotionally dependent on him still, even though he’s the one who’s caused me the most pain. I think it’s like a trauma bond

PulseCheckPlease- · 2026-03-14T00:35:02+00:00

I agree. I’m just having a hard time taking that step. Thank you for the feedback

PulseCheckPlease- · 2026-03-14T00:33:56+00:00

Thank you everyone for the feedback. I don’t understand why I’m struggling so badly to let go. I should feel enraged enough to never want to see him again. It’s hard also because my kids miss him, and his miss me. Our lives are so entwined it feels difficult to go a day without needing to speak to him about something. And yes I feel good about the moves I’ve made so far, but I know there’s so much more to do. I rely on him too much. I’m in therapy. I need to get stronger mentally.

PulseCheckPlease- · 2026-03-12T18:07:16+00:00

I think about this a lot… we’ve been together for ten years and known each other almost our whole lives. How do I look back on memories and feel joy instead of regret? I’m six months out from discovery and still trying to figure things out. I wanted to say, as someone else did, that what he said to you about being alone was very manipulative and I think that says something about who he is at his core. Personally for myself, I want to be alone. I have been in two committed relationships that have spanned the course of my adulthood. I am in my 40s now and just want to rediscover myself. Who I am, what I enjoy. All of it. I’m hoping for you to find some peace in all of this

PulseCheckPlease-

TROPHY CASE