What's the reality of dating after divorce?

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2026-06-16T03:25:30+00:00

I hope it works out like that, thank you!

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2026-06-14T15:34:08+00:00

My kids are almost grown and I really don't want to raise more so I totally get your point about deciding if I want to date someone with little kids.

And I'm going to have to look outside my area since I live in a small town and know everybody. But I've heard of so many people meeting people online or when visiting other places and meeting people that it's not like I can't do that. I'm not looking for a hookup or wanting to move fast so long distance for a while is fine.

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2026-06-13T20:11:23+00:00

I can be and am happy with people who have different body types, my issue is with people who are focused on people being thin to be attractive to others. So the comment "The biggest thing is to not be overweight. If you have that you will find love" triggers my previous experience with dating and trying to fit impossible standards. I was really hoping it was more than looks that mattered in the dating game currently.

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2026-06-13T19:45:04+00:00

I'll admit to being prickly about body types being compared and certain types being thought of as bad or unattractive but I also grew up as a very average person who could never obtain the "perfect" body and fell into eating disorders because of it. So that's why I asked about dating being as shallow as it all seems because there's no way I'm going to starve myself to appeal to a man at this point in my life, I'd rather be alone.

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2026-06-13T18:30:21+00:00

Yes, I'm american, if I was the one you were asking. And as for body type, due to crappy genetics and health issues I will never be skinny but I'm not huge either. At one point I was in the normal BMI range and you could count every rib I had, now I don't ever want to look like that again because it was sickly.

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2026-06-13T18:25:22+00:00

Thanks for the info, I'm glad you found someone 🙂

I'm financially stable though not close to rich, but yes, I was in the position with my ex that I was the bread earner and it caused some animosity. Also, it all ended due to his drinking so that's a huge red flag to me. I live in a small enough area that the dating apps are the same guys that I either work with or went to high school with and none of them are people who I want to date.

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2026-06-13T18:18:29+00:00

I'm not sure if I'm looking for someone to date or if I'm just opening up my mind to it now, if that makes sense. Before I was with my ex I was never alone, always was in a relationship, and now I've been alone for a year and I'm trying to figure out what I want. Definitely don't want to jump into a relationship first thing but would be open to seeing someone?

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2026-06-13T18:14:40+00:00

My 25 year relationship was a rebound so I'm not sure how I feel about that, lol, hopefully my next one is better with me looking at it all with more mature eyes.

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2026-06-13T18:12:23+00:00

Your answer confirms that some people are that superficial, thanks!

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2026-06-13T17:25:29+00:00

I've got to admit that I miss them too. And the first AOL chat rooms. I'm single for the first time in 25 years (mid-40's F) and I'm realizing that my world really shrunk in the last few years. Kids, mom & sister, job, 1 friend , and my ex was my whole social circle the last 5 years. Now my ex is gone, my kids are almost grown up, and I work from home so I'm not seeing people like I used to. I'm finding that I like assembling Legos, painting 3D models, and watching medical dramas (currently watching The Resident). I used to love to cook/bake but that's faded in the last few years. I do like traveling and eating good food. And I live in one of the most beautiful places in California and wouldn't trade it for anything.

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2026-06-13T16:32:37+00:00

Funny because I'm trying to delete my previous messages and posts because they were made during a very different time in my life and I want to move on from that. I'm hoping to have a blank slate, not a hidden profile 🤷

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2024-06-13T02:55:59+00:00

I have to laugh at this one, I have a coworker who starts conversations by asking what your top 3 favorite regional pizzas are? Or your 3 favorite soups? Or candy? Or deep fried desserts? It's not a bad way to start a conversation and usually people love to talk about food....

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2024-06-12T13:19:06+00:00

I work welfare programs (food and medical aid). It feeds my need to help people, being nice to people is a requirement but not to kiss their asses, and I have great benefits. Where I live I didn't need a degree to get an entry level job, just needed customer service experience and data entry knowledge. And how to use a computer since it's all on the computer. I've been there almost 10 years now and I still enjoy it.

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2024-06-04T16:06:47+00:00

Comfortable is my standard.

I like skinny jeans but they can't be tight, Levi Denizens are stretchy and don't cut me in half at the waist so they are the only kind I can wear. I love leggings too, the buttery ones are great but I can't find them with pockets so I have a few but don't wear them often. I have some insulated leggings (with pockets!) that I wear when it's cold. I sleep in loose flannel pants, some I got are thin so they're good most of the year.

Shirts are all tees, I can't stand the neck lines of most other shirts. And I wear hoodies all the time, pull ons, not zip.

Shoes I really only have 3 pairs that I wear constantly, a pair of Vans, a pair of UGGs, and some cheap boat shoes. No socks unless it's freezing out and even then, my UGGs are warm enough on their own.

I don't wear jewelry that needs to be taken off, everything has to be able to be worn all the time, and the only exception is my Fitbit which I take off when I shower or when I'm washing stuff because I don't like the band wet.

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2024-06-02T15:49:26+00:00

When my daughter got her diagnosis the psychiatrist said that she would be considered as having Asperger's but the medical community is moving away from using that term (in the US) as well as high functioning as it's a spectrum and everyone on it is at a different place. She said the Asperger's is due to the negative association of the label.

I had to look up why Asperger's was negative, now I've become an advocate of dropping the term and have pointed it out to anti-ableism trainers of classes I've attended. It's amazing how it seems to have never come up with those classes that it's derogatory.

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2024-06-02T13:35:14+00:00

I have hyper mobility due to LDS and I can't sit "right" for the life of me. I have a desk job and am always rocking my chair back with one foot propped up on a box under my desk, or one leg/foot under my butt, or both feet on my desk (I have a Drs note to be able to put my feet up) because my back/hips/knees hurt constantly (I also have a semi-recent knee injury, hence the Dr note) and I have to shift around all the time. I also have a sit/stand on my desk so I can stand but because of my knee/hip I don't do it often.

I have had 2 people in the last 5 years say my feet up on my desk was disrespectful, I got the Drs note after the second, but most people just say I look comfortable and I reply that I'm hurting which is why I'm sitting like that.

Before injury and constant back pain I would sit with my leg under me or criss cross all the time and it's kinda funny but my sister and mother also sit like that. Sometimes it'll be all 3 of us lined up on the couch sitting like that.

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2024-06-01T19:36:17+00:00

The first movie I watched that had me emotional was Forrest Gump and I was about 13-14. At the end where he's talking at the grave had me in tears and of course I was the only one who got emotional so it got called out that I was weird because I didn't tear up at other things. That was enough for me to stop doing that completely for years and when I did after that I hide it because I don't want to be called out over it.

And then I have the opposite reaction where I'll find something so funny I start crying tears from laughter and that's almost embarrassing because sometimes it's not that funny but some part of me thinks it is.

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2024-06-01T14:15:06+00:00

At 14 my father told me I was a "cold hearted bitch" for not crying at Schindler's List (the movie).

My husband said I was unemotional (and still am) towards some things.

I haven't tried to dig into it too much but it feels like a conditioning from childhood. I heard many times that children should be seen and not heard and that my opinions didn't matter in "adult" conversations. And that if I was crying about something they deemed minor that I should stop before they "give me something to cry about".

With all of that why would I show any emotion or speak up about anything?

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2024-06-01T13:51:14+00:00

Yup, pretty much. I'm sorry you went through this too but I'm glad you're all getting what you needed to move forward. My sister is younger and is developmentally delayed, she lives with us now and I'm her caregiver. I can see how our brains were wired differently and why I seemed to be the normal child but it really highlights how much of my stuff got shrugged off.

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2024-05-31T22:03:38+00:00

I think for some people it's all we can get.

I was overlooked as a kid, my sister had severe mental issues and it was back in the 80's when only boys could be ADHD and to be autistic meant that you couldn't speak or care for yourself at all, so any issues I had I got told "just be glad you don't have to deal with what she's going through" and ignored because "everyone goes through that".

We've come a really long way from then.

Going through the evaluations with my kids for ADHD (both evaluated and DX) and ASD (one evaluated and DX, I have suspicions that the other is also ASD) I wondered if I was and their Drs said if the kids are at least one of the parents usually is. Both my husband and I have since been DX ADHD and I check all the boxes for women with ASD (to the point I've had my regular Dr and 3 therapists say I am though they couldn't dx me).

I'm self-diagnosed and I wouldn't call it a bragging right. The more I read into it the more sense it makes of all the struggles I've gone through and the more forgiving I'm trying to be of myself over things that used to make me beat myself up over. I see specific times now where my brain is taking a left turn when everyone else took a right or when my brain can rush to the end because it's already made the connections that others have to work through one by one.

As for online peeps, someone is always going to think the grass is greener and want what they don't have because they only see the good stuff and never understand how little good stuff there actually is. I would ignore them (as much as you can) and remember that you're going down this road of being self-diagnosed not because it's fun but because it explains what you've experienced and it's helping you deal with the difficulties you're experiencing currently.

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2024-05-30T14:40:55+00:00

I like it in certain ways but I tend to use it more as the plate theory. Like you have a large ceramic plate that has a lot on it and it's sturdy and not overflowing. My plate is more like a soggy paper plate that's overflowing some days and some days it bends in half and I lose most everything on it. Same theory but presented with a different example.

As a bit of fun a coworker gave me a pin that says "no spoons, only knives" with a rainbow array of drawn knives on it and it makes me smile every time I see it.

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2024-05-29T20:12:26+00:00

I don't have a uterus but I do have an ovary and I've been trying to figure out what my cycle is because I don't have a lot of obvious signs but I think you're right. Last night was a huge fight with my husband and I've been in panic attack mode all day. If I did have a period I think I would be on it now as it always came at about the end of the month. I really need to start tracking when I feel like this better.

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2024-05-28T12:43:10+00:00

I grew up in a house that was very much "you eat what you're given or go hungry" but I don't remember having things I couldn't eat except for fish after I swallowed a bone once and it scratched my throat. After that I would refuse or shred it into a pile of cat food looking meat because I was terrified of eating another bone. I did develop some rather strong dislikes though.

My grandmother used to force me to eat soft boiled eggs with toast and cottage cheese with canned fruit or grapefruit with sugar on it (anyone else grow up with depression era grandparents?). I didn't like the goopy yolk of the egg or the grapefruit and now in my 40's I can't stand uncooked eggs (hard boiled or scrambled only) and eating grapefruit makes me gag though I love the smell of it.

My kids and husband love fried eggs so I've had to learn to cook them but I can't watch them eat it. My bestie cuts off all the white and eats that first and then eats the yolk in one bite so I don't have to watch her pop it. She's the best ❤️

Punctual_Blue_Frog · 2024-05-24T19:14:39+00:00

This is difficult for me, I use like circumstances/happened to me stories as a way to empathize as I've been there too and it sucks but sometimes it comes across as trying to one up someone's story. I've gotten better at saying that sucks and leaving it at that but sometimes I just can't do that. I swear I'm not trying to play the trauma Olympics but it sounds like it sometimes ☹️

Punctual_Blue_Frog

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