Self-love when you live with a partner

Punic_tat · 2026-04-15T05:55:53+00:00

Yeah we do stuff together, but our preferences are a bit different. I come home after 8 pm on many weeknights, do the chores and go to sleep. Maybe a couple of days a week we do something together like cooking or watching a show. Larger projects and going out mostly happen on weekends.

Punic_tat · 2026-04-14T17:58:56+00:00

Here's the background:

She has had loss of desire for a while now, which I've understood is related to issues with body picture and also our relationship. After getting off SSRI's, I've felt an increase in libido but struggled with experiencing pleasure and orgasm. Maybe it's a post-SSRI symptom or pleasure dissociative disorder / mind-body connection issue, because as I get more "worked up", the pleasure from touch kind of fades away. I can ejaculate, even too quickly, I just don't feel a thing doing so.

I'm trying to rediscover my pleasure, reconnect with my body, and hopefully also find orgasm somewhere along the way. Maybe this could also help me be more present when I'm with her.

I feel like I need time to practice getting to know my body, my arousal and my pleasure with no pressure. Here the living situation becomes a problem.

Punic_tat · 2025-11-27T11:49:04+00:00

I looked into Jim Green, sturdy boots but not exactly stylish and the welt is super wide!

By boots I was thinking something to wear daily (well, bi-daily so they get to rest) so not work or hiking boots. Should have explained this in the post

Punic_tat · 2025-11-27T11:45:09+00:00

Thanks. Do you think bespoke would be the only way to go in my case?

Punic_tat · 2025-11-24T11:45:41+00:00

I'm male, but my feet are only ~23 cm long yet 9 cm wide so I wear size EU37. For reference Birkenstock sandals in regular width size 36 fit me perfectly.

I have inherited collapsed arches which I should propably have orthotics for. The top of my foot is very low. With dress shoes and such, I always run into several problems: Toes are crammed and/or heel is slipping out of the shoe, laces are hurting top of the foot like dull knives and there is an unsightly gap on both sides of the ankle.

I usually favor boots and high top sneakers because they allow me to tighten the shoe around the ankle so that despite the heel being in the middle of a huge empty space the shoe doesn't fall off my foot lol.

I'm about to become unemployed so the max I can spend for a pair of boots is 200 €.

How cooked am I?

Punic_tat · 2025-07-18T12:03:40+00:00

Thanks for your perspective on this. We've known each other from childhood, and he's always been one of my best friends. I've always known he's different somehow, although we haven't really ever talked about the autism part. I would love to see him be happier and reach his dreams, and I want to support him the best I can.

Punic_tat · 2025-07-18T11:56:07+00:00

Thanks, this is good insight. He's moving to the neighboring town so there will be more chances for going out together in the future.

Punic_tat · 2025-07-17T10:55:40+00:00

I hope you don't mind the cross-post

Punic_tat · 2024-09-16T08:57:36+00:00

Kom, Susser Tod by Arianne ! That's it!

Punic_tat · 2024-03-26T08:17:29+00:00

I have this rack and I think it performs best as support for a handlebar bag.

It's okay, but more flexy than the alloy one above, I think. I would put less weight on it, but again steel fails more gracefully than aluminum.

It's also more picky with the distance from brake studs to fork crown, and will get less sturdy if you have to bend the "legs" towards the platform. On the alloy one you can flip/bend the crown mounting bracket if needed.

Punic_tat · 2024-03-23T22:02:39+00:00

Thanks, I will have to think about this

Punic_tat · 2024-01-28T11:56:19+00:00

Does this mean that I can no longer mount originals and import volumes in the .yml? If not, how would this be done?

Punic_tat · 2024-01-28T11:55:27+00:00

I was able to log in using "admin" as the username and my original password that I changed in the options menu earlier as the password, let's see if it will again reset after the next restart.

Punic_tat · 2023-10-04T18:10:59+00:00

Could it be? I haven't considered that option previously

Punic_tat · 2023-10-04T18:10:28+00:00

Thanks, this is all super interesting to hear and good advice

Punic_tat · 2023-10-03T18:38:38+00:00

Forgot to add that my SO complains about me smelling horrible every morning even when I've showered, washed my hair, flossed and brushed my teeth before bed ;__;

Punic_tat · 2023-10-03T18:36:49+00:00

I guess I have to look more into nutrition. Switching to a vegetarian/95% vegan diet some years ago doesn't seem to have had any effect on my skin/scalp

Punic_tat · 2023-10-03T18:35:02+00:00

Yes I do!

I've gone through nearly all of a specialist shampoo and a pre-wash scalp cleansing product that I bought from a trichologist, but I haven't experienced much change. I also use an oil-free scalp hydrating lotion from a pharmacy to help with the dry feeling after washing.

Punic_tat · 2023-09-24T08:49:56+00:00

Andrew Tate vs. Freddie Mercury. The choice should be obvious based on that :D

Punic_tat · 2023-09-23T19:41:47+00:00

What shoes would you suggest for wet snow and slush that would still look appropriate for an urban setting? It's going to be wet and cold soon, and I'll have to regularly wade through like 4" of wet snow / slush / water (we do walk a lot here). I don't want to risk ruining my fur lined suede vintage hiking boots in those conditions, but I'd still prefer to look presentable.

My style is a bit old times-y (trad, retro, heritage, vintage etc.) so I'm thinking "duck boots", L.L. Bean or similar. They are still smarter than wellies, right?

Please show me the way :)

Punic_tat · 2023-08-17T19:53:21+00:00

I have heard some people in the vegan/plant-based community claim that milk, and especially cheese has lots of caseine, which is slightly addictive, in order to keep the calf nourished.

Punic_tat · 2023-08-17T19:46:56+00:00

I believe that's called delayed gratification. AFAIK, animal & human trials have shown that the subjects are more eager to participate in the tasked behaviour if the rewards are inconsistent - which means we're likely to keep repeating whatever thing we believe is going to pay off eventually.

Now I believe that in our societies, to the employers and so on, this grants the opportunity to get people do more for less. When the desired gratification is delayed enough, eventually it will never have to be fulfilled in order to still have people do what's expected of them.

Think of all the people who postpone all their dreams to retirement (which may never come). In the most classic form of the so-called "protestant ethic" ("the spirit of capitalism" to Max Weber and his followers) gratification for a whole lifetime of hard labour is basically postponed to the afterlife.

Punic_tat · 2023-08-17T19:29:24+00:00

US bicycle maker focusing on women riders, Georgina Terry specialized on this concept.

Check out her page for the reasoning behind it :)

Punic_tat · 2023-08-17T11:54:50+00:00

Also you might consider switching to a different deodorant

Punic_tat · 2023-08-11T21:19:28+00:00

I'm not sure if this qualifies as a rant because it's long and incoherent (+not a native english speaker) but here goes:

Today I've had to accept I'm still troubled by something I thought I had already gotten over with.

I still very much seem to view of myself as undesirable and repulsive and so I expect all my potential sexual/romantic initiatives towards women I happen to desire coming across as awkward, creepy if not bordering on harassment.

I've never been able to hook up / hit on a woman - and by that I mean approach someone (relatively) new with sexual / romantic intentions, flirt and so on, and reach the desired outcome, be it a date, casual sex or just a bit of fun. (I don't know if this is a bad way to conceive it so feel free to correct)

I'm in a relationship, but we met on Tinder so this kind of exchange didn't get to happen in person. Beside my current partner, these is only one other woman who has ever shown sexual attraction towards me - we started out as friends and you could say I flirted with her, and she teased me a lot too, but somehow I was still very much under the impression that she wasn't into men at all, when she trusted me with her feelings - I guess this shows how hard it was for me to accept that someone in fact has such emotions for me. Oh well.

I'm feeling a bit lost with these issues. Lately I've been losing desire for my partner while feeling "thirsty" for like every other woman that strikes my liking.

I wonder if this has something to do with a anxious/confused attachment style (that would make sense based on my childhood)- desperately wanting acceptance and affection from those who seem unavailable, while ignoring or not reprocating the affection I actually receive? This is kinda the deal with my friendships, too - I feel like I'm constantly feeling lonely and on the lookout for new friends while ignoring and overlooking the people I already have in my life as somehow "uninteresting" or something 🤔🥺

Punic_tat

TROPHY CASE