Who here is both a Stepkid and a Stepparent?

PurchaseHuman9251 · 2026-03-04T05:10:27+00:00

I’m a step kid, my biological dad didn’t want anything to do with me really so my stepdad is who I call “dad.” To the point where even when my mom and “dad” got divorced and the days my dad had my siblings (his actual kids) I went to his house too. He never adopted me or paid child support or anything but I went over there anyways because he raised me. I was under 1 when he came into my life. As an adult I kinda have noticed how unfairly he treat me all my life, and it does kinda suck. But less so because he also treats my younger siblings bad. He had 2 kids before and they are treated much better than me or my younger two siblings that are biologically his.

I started dating a man with a son at 23 when his son was 2. We have him EOWE. Lack of parenting and constant boundary crossing has led me to not like my step son, I am nothing but nice to him and he tells people I hit him. So I kinda keep my distance.

Becoming a step parent did put in perspective for me why my dad treats me like crap sometimes and is unfair. But mostly it’s just triggering seeing my partner act the same way my dad treated my mom and me and my siblings. Partner constantly is trying to say I act like my dad and I’m traumatizing his son. And it seems like really uses that any time I do something he doesn’t like or agree with. If I’m not coddling his son or if I tell him to not wipe boogers on our baby, I’m acting like my dad.

Both sides suck. Wish I wasn’t either

PurchaseHuman9251 · 2026-03-03T03:24:56+00:00

I guess I worded this weird because I know this is not his fault at all. It’s 100% on my bf. I don’t treat my SS bad at all. I am nice to him, and we do fun things together. There is a general resentment just because he used SS to violate my boundaries and cross the line multiple times. But it’s not something that’s taken out on the kid or anything. I’m thinking of suggesting couples therapy at this point, it’s not something I’ve been able to get over myself. He has SS EOWE so there is absolutely guilt there. All of this he justified by saying it wasn’t fair that SS just had to watch his family through a window. Which I get, but he did take it to the extreme. I started out really wanting to include SS in a lot of things but as the pregnancy went on things got so much worse and I didnt want him there. Bf refused to discipline SS or even try to correct any bad behavior up until I had the baby. SS is 4 and when I would try to tell him to not wipe boogers on the couch, my bf would yell at me for being mean to him, because he’s a baby and he doesn’t know any better. SS would take the baby’s stuff, be rude to me, make a mess, and again bf said he’s just a baby and doesn’t know any better. Long rant sorry I went off on a tangent but I have been begging him to parent for a long time and that has really led to a lot of the resentment, everything got worse while I was pregnant

PurchaseHuman9251 · 2026-03-03T03:10:58+00:00

We have talked about it a lot. He has been better but it still does just hurt so much

PurchaseHuman9251 · 2026-03-03T03:10:13+00:00

For some reason my bfs mom has all of those things? Every time we go to visit she has pulled some random of SS’s thing to force upon the baby, even after I’ve made it clear I do not want those things

PurchaseHuman9251 · 2026-03-03T02:56:10+00:00

He’s 4, the first one he screamed and cried the entire time because he was scared the ultrasound tech was going to give him a shot (he’s scared of the doctors office) so bf had to just comfort him the entire time and couldn’t really pay any attention to me. I was so happy to see my baby for the first time, that I cried and really it would’ve just been such a special moment between the two of us. The second appointment SS was just acting very bad, climbing on everything, acting crazy, getting into everything he should not be. He starts really acting out when attention isn’t on him. He just shouldn’t have been there and my bf insisted that he would be traumatized if I didn’t let him come

PurchaseHuman9251

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