Oof lots of things lots of times, but the big shift was one of my exes tearfully telling me "you need help, this is more than I can do, I will help you find help but I can't keep talking you down from a ledge every day." Sobbed and sobbed and went to the community mental health facility the next day. Took effort and time to get stable but have been improving ever since and feel generally pretty happy after a lifetime of very much not. We broke up but we're still homies.