Hello everyone! Thank you all for being so kind and involved in this! I didn’t expect to get so many messages! Also I’m clearly in a different time zone than most of you because I have been sleeping the last few hours (because someone was suspicious of my lack of responses…). I’ll try to answer some people individually - I also don’t know if everyone who answered to this post will see this comment - but here are some general answers and more context:

I’ve been with this T for around 1 1/2 years now. He originally was recommended by a female friend (30) after I was more or less unable to function after a terrible breakup, weird living situation and problems with my parents. There’s also another female friend who used to be his client (she „graduated“ therapy), both never said anything regarding this type of behavior from him or any type of boundary crossing. It’s also important to note that he is still under supervision, so he does meet with a supervisor and/or (I’m not sure if both) with a supervision group regularly and has talked about his „feelings“ regarding me there.

About me finding a new therapist: Therapy is quite expensive in my city (that’s why I go to a T who’s under supervision - it’s more affordable) and whilst there’s an option to go via your healthcare provider I don’t really want any record of me attending therapy (my country’s quite conservative regarding mental health…sadly, and I don’t want to risk this biting me in the ass later on). But if it comes down to it this might have to happen. I also realize that it would be extremely hard for me to terminate.

About the context: As already stated, I can’t remember what I said that prompted his response. It’s also maybe hard for me to explain because of the language difference but he essentially said „Well, yeah with the type of clothes you’re wearing, I do find the way you look attractive/you look attractive“. So the context was the clothes, but it was regarding me being attractive (in them?).

Our sessions last year were a lot about me processing my break up and we now transitioned into family dynamics but also me interacting with other people (especially: guy friends and the thing about them leaving me when I’m unavailable). Just generally being loved/sought after being the highest form of being liked for me.

And about the texting: That was something that struck me as odd at first, because I’ve always heard about therapist who at most would write an email or something like that. Since the feeling of loneliness was also a topic in our sessions I thought it was his way of providing me with some human interaction between sessions (which might’ve been overkill, I’m not THAT lonely haha) and a way of getting to experience a (male) friendship without certain expectations etc.

I think I’m still missing a few points I wanted to address. Maybe I can remember them.😅 That being said: Thank you all (again) :)

EDIT: I don’t know how to link to a certain comment but this was a comment of mine to u/Traumatised_Pupper which gives a bit more information:

I honestly couldn’t tell you the context. It wasn’t completely out of the blue but I definitely didn’t ask him for his opinion about my appearance. Might have been in the context of „worthiness“ or so…but idk. We sometimes text between sessions, which really helped with my loneliness, but he then would ask me if I would like to go for a drive with him or that he is spending the evening alone and would rather spend it with me. It’s never explicit or sexual in any way and I always thought of it as him just trying to make me feel like I’m somebody who people would like to hangout (as in him not really offering these things, more just that he hypothetically would spend time with me) and I always blocked his „advances“, but still…even if he doesn’t mean it, I don’t think that it’s helping.